January 20 - Decisions

I'm having one of those days wherein I don't seem to be able to make any decisions, particularly the relatively unimportant ones. I think it all started with me wanting to snooze my alarm one more time before actually getting out of bed, but then getting up half-way between snoozes, knowing my lunch would take an extra minute to pack this morning. It's all been downhill since then.

So the two big (read: not so big) decisions in front of me right now are whether or not I should buy a new handbag (and if so, which one), and whether or not I should drive straight from work to rehearsal or if I should go home first. Now, I know a lot of people like to make pro/con lists to help with the decision making process, so here we go. Let's make a pro/con list for going straight to rehearsal after work versus going home first:

Going Straight to Rehearsal
Pro

• I won't feel rushed getting there.
• Shorter drive.
• Less fuel.

Con

• Have to stop somewhere to get dinner (meaning, spend money).
• Longer overall day.
• Less time with cat (though the time I would spend at home with my cat before rehearsal would not be quality time).

Going Home First
Pro

• The feeling like I've finished one part of my day before moving on to the next.
• Eat dinner at home (saving money, eating probably healthier)
• I can change out of my work clothes.
• Few minutes with my cat.

Con

• Longer drive.
• Feeling of being rushed.
• Kind of wasteful on the fuel front to go way north to come back south and go out west.

Kind of looks like a wash to me, yes? Let's look at the handbag situation.

Reasons to Buy a New Handbag

• My old one is falling apart. Literally. I've already sewn the strap back on.
• Spice things up/update my look.

Reasons Not to Buy a New Handbag

• Money.
• The one I have, while repaired with the wrong color thread, is still fine and suits my needs perfectly.

Again, a wash. And of the three bags I'm looking at, one is a cross-body, which I like, in a color that is not black but also not visible from space, though it might be a little thin; the other two are shoulder bags which would mean a rethinking of how I carry myself and my things, they have great pockets, but neither is in an optimum color for me - one could be a fashion faux pas, the other is quite possibly visible from outer space and we all know how I am about calling attention to myself. The cross-body one is more expensive, too.

With the handbag situation, I can keep chugging along the way I'm going until the one I have breaks or something I really love appears on the scene. But with the driving out to rehearsal right after work or not...I have to make that decision one way or the other in just over an hour and the pro/con list doesn't seem to be pointing me in either direction. Am I missing something?

When you're faced with a decision (relatively unimportant) and the pro/con list is of no help, how do you go about picking one thing over another?

May 8 - Travel

So I'm doing some traveling the next couple of weekends and I have to admit, it is filling me with incredible anxiety. I've been trying to figure out why for the longest time and I think I figured it out.

There are going to be other people there.

People who I know.

I've traveled a lot in the past, I don't know, ten years? Twelve? But a lot of that traveling has been on my own and/or for work. I show up somewhere, set up a trade show booth, man the trade show booth, take down the trade show booth, and go home. I have a hotel room to myself, I often fly solo on the plane. As an introvert, this is the way to do it - I get to see places without the pressure of moving at someone else's pace or worrying about using all of the hot water in the shower or anything like that. It's nice.

This weekend, I'll be staying in a house with eight of my girl friends. The weekend after that, I'm traveling as part of a group of 68 people. Sixty-eight. I don't know all sixty-eight, but I know some, and I will be sharing a room with a woman I've never met. I've known it was coming for a while, too, but just in the last couple of days, this thought has begun to terrify me. Absolutely terrify me. Not that I'm not going to go, but I'm currently terrified.

What if I bring too much stuff? What if I don't bring enough stuff? What if the stuff I bring isn't as cool as everyone else's stuff? What if the stories I have to share aren't as good as everyone else's stories? What if I have an introvert freak-out while I'm there and can't be around anyone? What if I planned to bring stuff and then forget that stuff? What if I planned on doing something and then forget about it or don't do it? What if someone expects something of me and I'm not aware of it so I end up letting them down? Like these people I've never met in person before - what if it's a total disappointment to them that I'm not a "Woo! girl" all of the time? Or even most of the time? What if the stuff I want to bring with me doesn't all fit in my suitcase?

I know in my logical brain that these are all completely irrational fears. Who cares what stuff I bring? So what if I take up space somewhere? If I need some time to myself, I'll find somewhere to be by myself for an hour. None of it is a big deal. All of the people I'm going to be hanging out with are kind, understanding, caring people. And if there are any who aren't, I'm not really concerned with forging lifelong bonds of friendship with them because I know we wouldn't work in the long run.

Nevertheless, I'm feeling pressure about these excursions. And stress. Which is making my skin go bonkers. And probably means I should lay off the caffeine for a while.

I know I will have enough time to do the things I want to do. I will make enough space to bring the things I want to bring. I will treasure the time spent with people I love. All will be well.

I still wish the trips would just hurry up and get here already so I can stop worrying about them.

April 15 - Things That Are Not Okay

Things That Are Not Okay:

Bombing the Boston Marathon.

I'm sure there are more, but that is the big one on my mind right now. Hang in there, Boston. You can recover from this. And my heart goes out to the injured and their families.

March 28 - Vague Blog

Anger, fear, frustration, confusion
Exhaustion, trepidation, terror, need
Swirling, engulfing, compressing, destroying
Shouldn't, can't, won't, don't want to

I have too much to say today and no words with which to say it.

March 27 - I Just...

I have an email address that, apparently, many many many many many many many many many many many people wish they had. Sorry, kids, it's mine. I got there first. And because of the way that this particular email service works, even if you put a period or a dash or something between the words in the email address, the email still comes to me. Which means I get a lot of emails that are not intended for me.

I know, I know, you're thinking, "Those are called SPAM messages, and it's okay to delete them." I'm not talking about spam. I'm talking about people's order confirmations from All Things Edible that include home addresses, full names, itemized lists of what was ordered and what it cost, and telephone numbers. I'm talking about emails that say, "Hi, Parent. Your child has signed up to play Innocuous Learning Game Number 6 and needs your approval to set up an account." I'm talking about emails that say, "Your phone number 919-xxx-xxxx {phone number removed by me for privacy purposes} is almost at it's data limit for this billing cycle and will be charged $1.69 for every extra kilobyte of data." These are not spam messages. These are messages meant for someone who input the wrong email address when signing up for a service of some sort.

Now, recently, I switched cell phone providers because there is a certain cell phone company that I despise that I wanted to get away from. Everything was fine, I'm okay with my new provider, but then I started getting emails from my old provider in regard to an account that was not mine. I got a full name, a full address, and a couple of phone numbers - apparently, it's a family plan. I marked these emails as spam so I wouldn't have to receive them anymore. Nope. They still arrive in my inbox every month. So I tried texting the phone number associated with the account to ask them to update their email address on the account and remove mine in the process. Didn't hear anything. Got another email. Then another. Then another. I even tried calling the phone number in the email to ask them politely on the phone to update their preferences. They sent me to a voice mail box that hasn't been set up yet.

I'm at the point where I don't know what else to do. I'm trying to help this person protect their own personal information by making sure the right contact information is in their account, in addition to trying to stop being contacted by a cell phone company I hate for something that has nothing to do with me. If I was a less honest person, I could very easily get into their account and gain access to their personal, identifying, or financial information. I'm not that person. I don't want another person's identity. I don't want to screw with someone's life like that. But I would really really really like these emails to stop.

So I'm starting a spam text campaign against the offending phone number. Random facts sent with the intent of getting this person to change their email address. Things like, "All 10 million bricks in the Empire State Building would love it if you took my email address off of your phone account," and "It is physically impossible to lick your own elbow, but it is very easy to stop these texts - remove my email address from your cell phone account." Informative, and hopefully just annoying enough to get this person to wise up and use their own email address instead of mine. Because seriously, why haven't they updated their account yet?

If you have any suggestions for texts I can send to this person (I would prefer to avoid profanity and threats of violence), please share them in the comments. Thanks!

March 5 - Addendum

Of course, the annoying thing about taking the bus on a snowy day is that you have to stand in the snow and wait for the bus.