So I've been feeling for a little while now like I need something good in my life. In large part because I'm currently parked in limbo, waiting to hear back about a few things and I hate sitting in limbo. I like to be able to make plans and move forward, and while I'm waiting to hear how something is going to go, I can't make those plans. And you know how when you hear a word somewhere for the first time, you start to then hear it everywhere? Life is the same way. When you're sitting waiting for something to happen, all you can see are the other things not happening in your life and it starts to get really depressing. So I've been feeling like I need something good in my life for a little while now, but I'm not seeing it.
And I know that's a really unfair statement because I have a lot of good in my life. I have an amazing family and brilliant friends and this wonderful support system. I have enough money. I am physically in good shape. My cat brings me almost unspeakable joy. My apartment (currently) is warm enough (knock on wood). I am smart and talented and not too painful to look at. I have a lot of good in my life. I feel selfish wanting more, but I do. I'm sorry, but I do. The two or three things in my life that make me unhappy are really making me unhappy and I would like to be able to formulate a plan to change them but while I'm stuck in limbo, I can't really do that.
The good news is that limbo will end this month. I don't know if I'll come out on the heaven side or the hell side, but limbo will end this month. Please keep your fingers crossed for me that it comes out on the heaven side. Or if it doesn't, please keep your fingers crossed that I then take that and turn it into something good. Because whether the good thing I'm looking for comes from within me or from elsewhere, I need something good to happen this month and I am determined to make it happen.
Happy March, everybody.