December 2 - Misunderstood

You know what you never see? You never see a movie about a lovable Tyrannosaurus Rex and his one mission in life: to find the perfect sandwich. Why is this?

Granted, T-Rex was kind of known for being ginormous and carnivorous, so his perfect sandwich would probably consist of an Anatotitan between two Triceratops-es (Triceratopi? What is the correct plural of Triceratops?), but still. The T-Rex is always the bad guy in dinosaur movies. And if there is one thing that Jurassic Park taught us, it is that not all dinosaurs are evil. But the T-Rex most certainly is. Like it's just this big, bumbling thing that is all teeth and claws and doesn't do anything but rip other living things to shreds. Which may have been a fair assessment except for the fact that Everybody Poops. Which would imply that T-Rex did, too, especially given his diet of mostly meat. And they probably had to breed from time to time as well. So how come we never see a dinosaur movie about the plight of the common T-Rex?

There are those who would argue that as the king of the food chain, and with his rather small brain, the T-Rex didn't do much that would be film-worthy. But they made a film about cockroaches. And they've made movies about lions. And they've made boatloads of films about the current top of the food chain, humans. So you're telling me that not one person in Hollywood has ever had the idea to (or been tasked with coming up with the idea of) tell the story of the everyday life of a fictional T-Rex? He's just hunting for survival; it's nothing personal against the Triceratopopuses. And he needs to procreate. And coming in at the end of the dinosaur era, he'd be facing extinction. Couldn't somebody pretend that the T-Rex was smart and feared that? Or that he really just wanted to be a banker, even though banks didn't really exist back then? So instead of seeing his dreams realized, he comforts himself with Anatotitan sandwiches?

And here I go, making my T-Rex male when I should be more conscious of the T-Rex Bechdel Test. Let's say it's about a female T-Rex who is maybe having a hard time bringing enough food home for her children as all of the other dinosaurs die around her. So maybe she goes vegetarian to try to live longer. Or something.

Hollywood, here is your task: Make the T-Rex sympathetic. And the inventor of the sandwich. With all apologies to the Earl thereof.

This post brought to you by tomfromhr and warmongersmurf.

October 28 - Question Monday

I didn't know what to write about today, as I feel like I've been writing about acting too much lately or falling back on Haikus when I'm feeling lazy, so I went to the Twitterverse to get some questions to answer. And here we go:

Thursdayschild asked, "If you could erase your life and start over as a child in any location and (past) time period, Where, When, and Why?"

I think perhaps the more important question here is why would I erase my entire life? I've done some pretty cool things in my time on this planet and it has taken me a long time to build up all of my experiences, wisdom and expertise. And if I had to erase my whole life as it currently exists and start over as a child, I'd have to be a teenager again which was a thoroughly miserable experience. So while I have often thought that it might be fun to know what it was like to grow up elsewhere under other circumstances (i.e. one of the female children they kept in China, young boy in Germany in the 1940's who is torn between his love of swing dancing and society's insistence that he join the Hitler Youth, native Australian before the UK criminals were sent there, etc.), I think I'm going to have to pass in favor of holding onto what I have, rather than flying to that which I know not of. (There's some bonus mutated Shakespeare, just for you. Because I know you love it.)

Tomfromhr asked (and doomzTO seconded/built upon), "Chicago is consumed in a zombie apocalypse. Where do you move to start fresh? Bridge that with your escape plan so you CAN start fresh!"

Zombies. Yay. Everybody's favorite monster. I read something recently that said zombies are the American monster of choice because really, all you can do with them is shoot them in the face. They are a monster that begs to be shot in the face and as Americans, how can we say no to that? Personally, I'm more of a vampire person myself because, hello, Spike, and I like a little of the intrigue and intellectual stimulation a vampire might employ as he's trying to kill you. Besides, I'm pale as fuck so it works for me. Zombies can't even form sentences. It's like OK Cupid members on downers.

But okay, let's pretend there is a zombie apocalypse. My guess is that I don't survive because I don't really have an escape plan. The best I can come up with is a Shaun of the Dead style "hole up and wait it out" plan. But after that, I'd probably want to go somewhere with more outdoor space (and fewer stinky rotting corpses) than a major city. I've heard some people say that being on a boat or going to an island is a good choice. Maybe I'll use the zombie apocalypse as an excuse to go to the Galapagos Islands and set up camp. If we're all returning to nature, might as well, right?

Texancountess asked, "What is your comfort food?"

Just one?

I am one of those people who eats for comfort way more often than she should. Sometimes, it doesn't even matter what I'm eating, it is just the action of chewing that brings comfort (though, oddly, gum doesn't quite do it when I'm feeling down). I have seasonal comfort foods, too, because while my jambalaya is amazing in the winter, it's not so comforting in July. Summer is about berries and salads for me. Winter is about tomato-based things. Though a nice roasted garlic hummus and something to dip in it is tasty pretty much any time. And that's not even touching on sugary things...

I like to eat. Does that answer the question?

Thank you for your questions, guys! This was fun. So fun, I may even do it again someday.

September 17 - Oddity

Twitter is weird. I'm not even going to pretend to fully understand it. It's just weird. Every now again, someone I don't know will find and favorite one of my random, untagged tweets from a week or so ago. How do these people find these tweets? They're not following me, they're usually not following my friends, so how do they find these old tweets of mine that don't have hashtags in them? Are they just reading everything? Are there people out there who read all of Twitter? 

And every now and again, I'll get a new follower for a day or two as a result of one of these tweets. Usually it's a company that, I presume, thinks I will instantly follow back, check out their website, and sign up for services. I hate to break it to those companies, but I'm not the sort to do that. I don't believe in the instant follow-back. I'm not trying to be mean, but if your content is irrelevant or dull, I'm not going to read it. If I'm not invested in you as a person, why invest my Twitter-reading time in keeping track of who you had drinks with over the weekend? If I don't use your product, why do I care about the sale you're having this weekend? So these companies that follow me as the result of some random tweet usually stop following me in a day or so when they find out I am not a viable client candidate. That's fine. 

Yesterday, a condom company started following me on Twitter. Now, it is entirely possible that someone who works for this condom company is someone I met at a conference in May, or that there is some sort of not-entirely-random social connection there. But I had to laugh at the fact that a condom company decided to follow me yesterday. Because I tweet about condoms so often? Or safe sex? Or personal relationships? I am the girl who is perpetually single. I did the math once, remember, to figure out exactly how single I have been throughout my life. Granted, during the brief stints in my life when I have had a boyfriend and sex was readily available to me, I have been an advocate of safe sex and condom use. I think it is up to both partners to take responsibility for preventing unwanted pregnancies and the spread of disease. But even just before this conference I went to back in May, I received a large bundle of various and assorted condoms from one of the other attendees that have remained sitting untouched in a drawer. Because when I am not dating (which is approximately 95% of my life), I am not having sex so I have no need for condoms. And I'm talking about no sexual contact. I'm not doing anything with male organs at all, much less anything that sex experts would tell me should involve condom use. That's just the way my life goes. 

So thank you to this condom company for following me briefly on Twitter and giving me a chuckle. While I appreciate the work you do and believe in the value of your products, you are seriously barking up the wrong tree in targeting me for a marketing campaign. 

Now, should my relationship status change sometime in the future...

Meh. That would require effort.