Semantics

I'm not sure when it became a "thing," but I'm noticing a trend where people who, I presume, are trying to be politically correct, refer to women as "females." Probably most notably in the Kimmy Schmidt open titles, "Females are strong as hell." What I'm not seeing is a corresponding switch from "men" to "males." This bothers me.

It's semantics, I know, but words have power and carry weight and bring certain connotations with them. I know there was a movement a while ago to get away from the word "woman" as it contains "man," and I get it. But by the same token, "movement" contains "men" and we didn't change that to "movemynt," because at a certain point it all gets silly. There are only 26 letters in the English language alphabet and to try to avoid any and all combinations of "m-e-n" and "m-a-n" gets ridiculous.

What bothers me about replacing "woman" with "female" is that is takes the humanity out of the equation. "Female" is a very scientific term, used to define the member of the species capable of producing eggs and bearing children. "Woman" is the word used to describe a human female. The same as adult male chickens are roosters and adult female chickens are hens, adult male humans are men, and adult female humans are women. To call women "females," to me, takes away the specificity of what species we are, which is, in my opinion, even more degrading that the fact that the letters "m-a-n" exist in the word "woman."

Biologically, yes, I am female. Transgender women identify as female as well. But I think all of us would like to think of ourselves as more than a set of sex organs, which is what the term "female" implies to me, and which is why I prefer the word woman. It gets even stickier when we note that men are not being called "males," implying that men are humans with complex lives and thoughts and fears and language abilities - all of the lovely things that make humans humans. We are, again, widening the gap between men and women, allowing one gender to be human and the other to be defined exclusively by its gender.

Granted, this also doesn't allow for agendered individuals, as much of the English language was developed at a time when we thought of gender as more of a binary system as opposed to the spectrum we now understand it to be. But perhaps, instead of allowing men to be human, women to be sex organs, and agendered individuals to feel completely out of place, we need to develop three new words - or six new words, or twelve new words or whatever - that better describe the variations of human existence, as opposed to further alienating more than half of the population.

Just a thought. From a woman.

May 28 - #YesAllWomen

This particular #YesAllWomen story of mine is not as egregious as some, but I am going to tell it anyway. Because the point of this hashtag, as I understand it, is that while not every man has treated a woman like she exists purely for his pleasure, every woman has been treated like that by someone. At least once. Often times it feels like at least once a day. 

A few years ago, I was taking the train with some friends after work to go to a speed dating event. We went straight from work, so the train was crowded with rush hour commuters. I had worn a skirt that day - not extraordinarily sexy, but a skirt nonetheless. It was a small, almost-houndstooth-but-not-quite pattern in gray and black, knee length, pencil skirt, not overly form-fitting. I think I was wearing it with tall boots and a black top. My thought in putting the outfit together was that it was something appropriate for work in an office that with the addition of some lipstick would also be appropriate for a speed dating event. In retrospect, I was probably underdressed for the speed dating event (read: not sexy enough).

So my friends and I were on this very crowded train, smushed in among dozens of other commuters, standing near the doors because that was as far into the train car as we could get. And suddenly, from behind me, I felt a hand lifting up my skirt to gain access to my inner thigh. I smacked the hand away, turned, and gave a very stern look to the guy standing behind me. I could only guess which guy it had been. At the next stop, we got off the train. I would like to think we would have done so even if it hadn't been our stop. I told my friends, they agreed that the guy was a creep and out of line, and we went to our event. 

Like I said, the story I just shared here is not as egregious as some. I was groped by a stranger on a train. Nobody was physically hurt and the psychological trauma for me was minimal. But seriously, who sticks their hand up a strange woman's skirt on a train? Who thinks that is okay? Who thinks that it's really not that big of a deal?

In retrospect, I wish I had done something louder and more obvious than give the guy a stern look. I wish I had shouted at him, "What makes you think you have the right to touch me without my permission?" so I could have embarrassed him in front of everyone on that train. Because that is what he did to me by touching me inappropriately, he embarrassed me. He made me self-conscious about my perfectly acceptable office attire. I think you would be hard pressed to find even a mysoginistic jury that would say I was "asking for it" in that outfit. The groper made me uncomfortable, he invaded my personal space in a public forum. And really, who does that on a crowded rush hour train? Was he counting on the fact that I wouldn't want to make a scene? If he was, I am even more annoyed that I didn't. 

I have ridden the train hundreds of times since then. I've been stepped on and whacked in the head with oversized purses, but I have never been groped by another man like that. Meaning, I know that not all men grope strange women on trains. Not all men are rapists. Not all men are mysoginistic asshats. Not all men think they are owed sex. Not all men think women exist purely for male gratification. I know these things, you know these things, we all know these things. That's not the point. The point is that there are enough of them out there who do, and they are bold enough in their life choices, loud enough with their hoots and hollers, strong enough in their physical demands, that every single woman has had to deal with them on some level at some point in her life. Every. Single. Woman. 

So I would ask, those men defending mankind against the "online onslaught" of female empowerment, even if you, personally, are not the aggressor, how would you feel if your mom told you she was groped on the train by a stranger? How would you feel if your girlfriend was attacked walking to her car one night? How would you feel if your sister was shot and killed at school because some guy was pissed that she didn't want to date him? 

Not all men are aggressive and violent toward women. All women have been targets of violence and aggression. Something needs to be done about that second statement. 

May 19 - Sexism

So as I was setting up this trade show booth last week, I was reminded of the rampant sexism that occurs in such situations. It's not surprising - I mean, I get it. There aren't a lot of women who do things like trade show set up and heavy lifting and industrial electrical work. So these guys, like many construction-type workers, are used to spending their days talking to other guys and may or may not know how to behave properly when a woman shows up. Not that they're rude, but they do pull out the "sweethearts" and "honeys" and they make comments about the woman's appearance. My guess is that they think they are being proper and polite, when really these comments are micro-aggressions of a sexual nature. "Let us lift that for you, sweetheart. No need to break your fingernails." That kind of thing. 

But what I noticed working in the booth during trade show hours today was that these micro-aggressions are not limited to the men who set up the booths, and they are sometimes not even limited to the men. Other women were calling me sweetheart and darling and commenting about the pretty girl in the booth (meaning me). And while I know none of these comments were made with malicious intent, they all still served to make me uncomfortable. 

I don't know if I'm receiving more of these comments than I used to, or if I am just more aware of them than I used to be. Either way, the end result is approximately the same. And because of that end result, I would just like to remind people that the proper way to treat a woman is as if she was an actual person. Because she is one. If she goes to lift a heavy box without thinking about it, let her lift it. She likely can. If you are talking to her about something specific, there is no need to remind her to smile more when the conversation is over. And for the love of all things holy, please remember that she is more than set decoration - she has a brain and most likely enjoys using it. 

I don't think sexism will ever go away completely. But maybe we can curb it a bit by remembering that we're all just people. Maybe.