January 27 - Bears

I think that bears have the right idea. Not the Bears, obviously - they didn't make it to the post-season - but bears, as in the big furry animals who roar and eat fish and hibernate when it gets too freakin' cold outside. I know, I know, there are places in the world colder than Chicago right now. Last time I checked, Chicago was the sixth coldest city in the US this winter. But I say that is plenty cold. And with no end in sight, it's getting a little bit draining to have to get up and go about our everyday lives on a daily basis. Checking the weather to find "dangerous wind chills" doesn't really make me too enthusiastic about doing things like going to work, going to the grocery store, doing laundry, or (let's be honest) being conscious. When one's waking mind is constantly filled with thoughts of "how am I going to stay warm enough?" one gets tired. Just generally tired.

But bears (and other hibernating critters), they have it down. Eat as much as you want all summer and fall, and then sleep for three months. Yes, there are those who might object to having to deal with a poop plug, but I would happily put up with a poop plug for a few months if it meant A) I could sleep for three-five months and B) I didn't have to go outside in this. Or shovel snow. Or wear a minimum of two pairs of socks and three tops every day. That's a lot of clothing to go through, people. Do you know how often I have to do laundry, just so I can stay warm enough walking from my apartment to my car? It's nuts!

So yeah, bears. Teach us your ways so we can just skip the next polar vortex all together. And Mother Nature? You can hit us with above-freezing temperatures any time now. We're ready. Thanks!

November 21 - Grumptopotomus

Imagine an octopus mixed with a hippo. Who is extraordinarily grumpy. This is the grumptopotomus.

Today, I am the grumptopotomus.

Honestly, I have no idea what that even means, but the word popped into my head because I'm really grumpy today and what's better than a grumpy hippo octopus and sometimes when you're really grumpy you just need to giggle at something completely nonsensical. So I bring you the grumptopotomus. If anyone would like to submit artwork for what the grumptopotomus might look like, I'd love to see it. Remember: grumpy. 'Cuz I can see a hippo with eight legs and a weird octopus face, but it has to be a supremely grumpy weird octopus face. Or an octopus with a hippo head that is (again) extraordinarily grumpy.

And I have now succeeded in making myself laugh so hard I'm crying, which may mean the grumptopotomus is no more. For the time being.

Send me your grumptopotomus art! Let's all have a good giggle about it!

August 20 - Fur

So I've been wanting to write a little something about this for a while and just haven't done it yet, so here we go. 

I don't wear fur, nor do I condone the wearing of fur. I'm vegan - I don't use animal parts at all, actually. Aside from my cat who is occasionally my pillow (though I never rest the full weight of my head on him) or my teddy bear. And I think fur is slowly disappearing from the fashion world, but then I'll see someone wearing a full-length coat with matching hat and I kind of want to grab them and shake them and scream. I don't. But I want to. And I wanted to before I became vegan. 

The thing about fur for me, though, is that it is just about completely unnecessary in the contexts it is most often used. I'm not faulting Native Americans back in the day or the Inuits or people who don't have another option, and who also use the entire animal. That I can wrap my brain around. Where I see fur worn most often is in Chicago on a forty-degree Fahrenheit day, or to the theatre, or as trim on some supermodel's outfit that was designed in LA for the fancy types who live in LA where it is seldom actually even cold. It is a luxury item that costs lives. I don't get the joy therein.

Some will say fur is warm. I don't doubt that. But there are plenty of natural and synthetic alternatives that are also warm. Some will say they like how fur feels. Yes, nice, soft fur is nice and soft. But to me, at least half of the joy I take in petting or brushing my cat is knowing that he loves the attention. The happy look on his face when I scritch him under the chin. The purring that always accompanies a snuggle. I like my cat's soft fur only when it is on him and I know that by touching it, we're bonding. Why on Earth would I want to pet a dead animal who can derive no pleasure from the physical contact?

I don't get it. I just don't. And seeing people wear fur just makes me sad. Why don't they know better yet?