So I wake up this morning after the first decent night's sleep I've gotten in a long time (thank you, Owen, for not waking me up at 4) and it is bright and sunny outside and I think to myself, "Hey, today could be a really nice day. Maybe I'll do something outside." And then it starts to rain. Still bright and sunny, but raining, too. Now, we all know I like the rain. I'm pretty sure I've talked about it before how much I like the rain. But it has rained every day for the last three months. Okay, maybe not that long, but it feels like it. All of the local rivers are flooded and it just keeps on raining. I say enough with the rain already. How about one nice, dry day? Just one. Preferably two -- Saturday and Sunday so we're not drenched while we do the Avon Walk. But even just one day of dry would be nice.

Thanks!

I think maybe I've figured out at least part of this funk that I'm in. My core group of friends is changing. This is something that seems to happen to me about every five years or so. I find a group of people who mean the world to me and with whom I connect really well, but as time goes on, we just grow differently and I find myself hanging out with them less and less and feeling less and less comfortable in their presence because I forget how to interact with them. It's not necessarily a good thing, and it's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just something that happens. I think it happens to a lot of people. And while I love my new friends dearly because there are some really truly wonderful people in the new group, I miss my old friends. I miss not having to retell stories because they are things everybody knows anyway because they were there. I miss walking into a room and knowing what my role is.

It is all stuff that will sort itself out in time. As this new group and I get used to each other, these feelings will wane. I'll still miss my old friends, but I will once again have a comfortable place to be. It's just always a hard transition and I find myself wishing that I had even one friend with whom I grew in the same direction so we could transition from group of friends to group of friends together. Someday...

I don't normally just post links in here, or at least I try not to, but this site has been bringing me an unprecedented amount of mirth this morning and I wanted to share that with you. Enjoy.

We all know I'm not the sort to be pushy about my veganism, but I had to share this tidbit with you as a possible reason why vegans don't get as sick as non-vegans.

10 Dirtiest Foods That Can Make You Sick

Open your refrigerator. Take a good look inside. Chances are you have some of the dirtiest--and most dangerous--foods in there. Eat them and you could get very sick.

Men's Health magazine has identified the 10 dirtiest foods--from bad burgers and dangerous deli meats to hazardous health foods.

The Dirty 10:

1. Chicken
In one study cited by Men's Health, more than 40 percent of chicken samples contained bacteria that can sicken, including E. coli.

2. Ground Beef
Simply because of the way ground beef is made through heavy processing, it has the potential to be loaded with deadly E. coli bacteria and more.

3. Ground Turkey
One in four packages of ground turkey tested by Men's Health contained bacteria. This becomes a greater concern as more people substitute ground turkey for ground beef thinking it's a healthier alternative.

4. Oysters
Beware of raw oysters! Many are tainted not only with bacteria, but also the Norovirus.

5. Eggs
The incredible edible egg is also associated with more than 600,000 cases of food poisoning each year and more than 300 deaths. Cook eggs completely and never eat them raw.

6. Cantaloupe
Cantaloupe rinds often contain dangerous bacteria that are hard to wash away. Cut through that rind with a knife and the bacteria can be transferred to the fruit.

7. Peaches
This favorite juicy summer fruit is dangerous because the peach fuzz makes it difficult to clean off all the pesticides.

8. Pre-Packaged Tossed Salads
These bagged salads are one of the greatest conveniences of the past decade, but they can also be one of the biggest sources of food poisoning since the contents are often contaminated with E. Coli, according to Men's Health.

9. Cold Cuts
It looks like delicious shaved ham or turkey to you. But it could contain the dangerous bacteria Listeria, which is especially risky for infants and the elderly. Listeria can be spread by the deli slicer, and it can even grow in a cold refrigerator. What can you do? Experts advise you to transfer the deli meat to a fresh package when you get home and only buy enough for one week at a time.

10. Scallions
If these green onions are left uncooked, they have the potential to become bacterial breeding grounds. They've also been linked to fatal outbreaks of Hepatitis-A.

6 out of the top ten dirtiest foods are not things vegans would have anyway. And any self-respecting vegan who eats pre-packaged tossed salads needs to turn in his or her self-respect card. So that does leave us with cantaloupe, peaches, and scallions to watch out for. Me personally? I don't use scallions much, but I make sure to wash them and cook them before I do eat them. Cantaloupe has never really been my thing, but if it's in a fruit salad, I'll eat it. I do love peaches, but I'd be just as happy to go with nectarines. Though now that I know I can get good, inexpesive organic fruit at Stanley's, I still have to wash my produce, but I don't have to worry so much about pesticide residue. Just dirt. Which we could all use a little more of anyway, right?

Okay, I'll stop now. It's not nice to foist one's beliefs on others. I just like finding reinforcements that my lifestyle choice is a healthy one.

Stopping.

So I told you the other day that I am the proud new owner of a purple sequined bra. Well, I decided to wear it today, just for fun because why not? If there are days when one absolutely must wear irridescent shoes, why not days when one needs a purple sequined bra? And I must say, it has raised not only my bossoms, but my spirits as well. It is a kind of padded bra. Who am I kidding? It's a bullet bra waiting to happen. And I'm wearing it with my favorite boob shirt (given to me by fucknut) that is very soft, but not very tightly woven, so you can actually see a little bit of sparkle through the shirt when the light hits them just right. So today my boobs are, for lack of a better word, sparkly and rock solid. If I wasn't me, I'd be afraid of my boobs today. Fortunately, I am me, so I can sit back and laugh at the intimidating nature of my breasts. And the other fun tidbit is that this bra can be strapless. When I put it on this morning, at first I thought the straps were threadbare (poor quality) and about to break. Until I noticed the little hooks holding them on. Which also explains the steel-like quality of the the padding in the cups. So I am wearing what could be a strapless purple sequined bullet bra today and I'm loving every minute of it.

Now I just need to find cute purple panties to go with it. I just turned off all of my male readers by using the word "panties," didn't I? Sorry. I need some cute purple knickers to go with it. Better?

'Tis far far better to be a cat in a box than a cat not in a box.

I'm so glad to be done with my fundraising events. They've been fun, despite the low turn outs, and I think everyone who has come to them has had a good time. But I'm exhausted. It takes a lot of energy to worry about whether or not you're going to cover your costs and who is going to show up and did I forget anything and I am taking care of everyone who is here and so on and so forth. I think for the most part, I've been successful, but I'm glad they're over.

On the funny side, though, I am now the owner of a purple sequined bra. They were on sale 2 for $10, and I wanted to put the pink one on the fake boobs I bought to be the Micetro prize, so I spent the extra two dollars and got myself a purple sequined bra. Now I just need to find an occasion wherein it would matter what my bra looked like...

I think I've decided that one of the reasons I want to be famous is so that I can go on the Dave Letterman show. I will admit that I was not entirely enthusiastic about his move over to CBS and the CGI that came with it, but I watched his program last night and my love of Dave Letterman has been renewed. He's just...off. In the good way. I think it would be a lot of fun to go on his show and chat with him for a while.

So yeah, let's get me famous so I can do the Dave Letterman show. You know you'd all watch it.

I'm confused by my own gene pool and that kind of scares me.

Yesterday, I walked quite a distance with my mom as part of my training for the Avon Walk. I expected to do about twenty miles, but our journey to Glenview turned out to be longer than we thought, so I didn't walk back, too. But I still think I walked about fifteen miles yesterday, give or take. And today, I feel fine. As does my mom. I credit the fact that we stretched and ate and stayed hydrated while we walked, but we both feel fine. And when we got out to Glenview, we saw my mother's mother and I'm really amazed by her. She'll be eighty-one in about a month and she still lives by herself and sends e-mails and volunteers places and travels and works with the DBPA and helps organize conferences and seminars and things. She's really astounding in what she does, not to mention the fact that she is eighty-one years old, you know? And she's bright and funny and has full command of all of her faculties. She probably couldn't have walked fifteen miles in one day, but she still does quite a lot for herself. Hers is the kind of old age I would love to have.

And then I get an e-mail this morning about my father's mother. She is ninety-one or ninety-two and is falling apart. She is on oxygen all the time and can't really get around by herself and she fell the other day and was on the floor for about a half an hour before anyone heard her calling for help. She's kind of holding on for a big Fourth of July party and then, by her own admission, she's ready to go. She's been sort of wasting away for years now and to be honest, I don't blame her for being ready. Hers is the kind of old age I dread and if I was her, I would have given up a long time ago.

So where does that leave me? What does this foretell about my future? On the one side, the women are vibrant and energetic into their eighties. On the other side, the women are overweight and unhealthy by fifty. Granted, my own lifestyle choices will have a lot to do with what my later life turns out to be, but one can't overlook the genetic influence. And the way I see it, I have about a fifty-fifty chance of having the kind of old age I want. Maybe a sixty-forty, if you take into account my diet and exercise habits. I just wish I had more of a guarantee, you know? Because I'm looking forward to getting older and having that perspective on life. I just want to know that I'll be able to share that perspective once I get it.

Okay, we're going to play catch, right? And you're going to stand in between us and try to hit the ball with this stick while we're playing catch, see? And if you do hit it, you then have to run around in a circle before we get the ball and touch you with it. But see, as you can hit the ball a lot farther than we can throw it, we get to have these seven guys backing us up, ready to get the ball if you do hit it. And if you don't think you can make it all the way around in a circle, you can stop somewhere, at one of these three points on the circle, but then you have to give your stick to somebody else so we can go back to playing catch and that other person can try to hit the ball and run around in a circle. Ready? Here we go.

Gotta love baseball.

I have to say, I clean up good.

It is nice to dress up and go out every once in a while and last night I had an opportunity to do so. None of my old vintage clothing fit anymore, so I had to wear a dress I like to call "Too Much Caffeine" because I designed and built it after living on caffeine and sugar for a week in college. It's a really beautiful dress and I looked amazing last night. But I also have to say that it was mildly disappointing to get all dressed up like that just to go somewhere where I knew nobody would be looking at me. Nobody would be flirting with me (except my engaged/married/spoken for friends who I always flirt with). Nobody would be looking at me and thinking, "Hey, maybe she and I should get to know each other better." In a way, it was a waste of looking amazing.

But it was still fun to look amazing for one night before going back to my green corduroy pants today.

I am officially a theater company member now, with the theater company where I've been performing for the last 15-ish months. Yay me!

I knew they wanted me to be a member, but I was just recently voted in and last night I picked up my Company Member Criteria. I think it's going to be fun. It's a great group of people, and a safe environment in which I can experiment and expand my theatrical vocabulary. For instance, if I want to learn how to run lights or sound, I can. If I come up with an idea for a play, I can write it and see it produced, or get honest feedback on it from the other company members. This is not the kind of theater company where you are either a performer or a techie -- it is the kind of company where you are both. So in addition to my being able to be in more shows there, I will get to help build and create those shows. And run box office, too. And I really get the feeling that I will get out of it what I put into it. If I push to get projects done, they will get done. If I slack off, they won't. I'm just...excited. It's a good group of people and a good company and a fun space and I can't wait until my first meeting with them. Yes, I'll be intimidated as hell, but I'm looking forward to it. I'm looking forward to expanding upon my theater experience.

Talking is the easy part. It's why I started this silly blog in the first place, so that I could always say whatever was on my mind. I talk into the air sometimes, too, just to get things out of my head. Getting them out makes space for new things to develop. But sometimes, these venues aren't enough and no matter how many times I say things to my walls, they just won't get out of my head and then the challenge becomes finding someone who will listen. Someone who has the time to listen. Someone who has the patience to listen. Someone who knows the value of listening.

I would like to pause for a moment here and remind my friends that they are some of the most wonderful, amazing people on the planet, and I know that any of you would be there for me in a heartbeat if I were to need you for anything. I love you for that and hope you know I would do the same for you.

That being said, it's nice to be listened to without having your ego stroked every now and again. It's nice to be listened to without every comment being followed by an anecdote about the listener's life. Sometimes those interjections are wonderful and appreciated. Sometimes, one wants a therapist with a pen and notepad to just sit there and go, "Uh, huh. I see. Continue," and it is in that department that I sometimes feel I am lacking.

So last night, a friend of mine called while I was out, but I was able to call him back and when he asked how I was doing, he really asked, so I really answered. It took about forty-five minutes to spit out everything, but I felt this weird calm after I had done it. I reminded myself that I am who I am and that person is pretty cool. Or at least I think she is. And that I promised myself a long time ago that I will not put on some face to become who someone else wants me to be just so that I can fit in. I did that for way too long. So if that means I carry around a green almost army style bag as a purse, then so be it. If it means I pound away at my music and don't stop to learn how to cover the latest Brittany Spears tune, then so be it. If it means that I skip going out for drinks with friends from time to time because I am cranky or just don't want to be around people, then so be it. If it means I have a good cry from time to time, then so be it. The things I can most easily see other people wanting me to change about myself are the things I love most about who I am. Including my belief that someday, I'll find someone who loves me for all of the same reasons that I love myself. And until such time as I find him, well, I may cry from time to time, or call my friend who listens really well so I can bounce things off him.

Thank you to my friend who talked to me last night. I don't think you know how much that meant to me.

Gay marriage. Kind of a hot topic right now and one that I have always been on the "If you're lucky enough to find someone who wants to marry you who you also want to marry, then by all means go for it," side of the issue. It took kind of a more personal turn for me recently. I have a cousin who is very close to my own age, so growing up we spent a fair amount of time together. Or as much as two cousins in differing states can. And both of us growing up would lament our perpetual state of singleness and our lack of luck with the boys. And I don't remember how long ago it was now, but my cousin came out to the family several years ago and has had a wonderful girlfriend for about the past four years. Just recently, my cousin's girlfriend surprised my cousin with an engagement ring. I couldn't be happier for them. And I honestly can't see a single thing wrong with the two of them wanting to commit to one another in front of all of their family members and friends.

Take a minute and watch Chasing Amy if you would. Just for that speech that Joey Lauren Adams delivers about why she became a lesbian in the first place and why she felt justified being with Ben Affleck. I think our chances of finding a true connection with another person are pretty slim. I've found a couple, but they haven't worked out. And honestly, considering the number of people I meet and know, to find two with whom I think I could share my life like that...It's a small percentage. So if you happen to find that person and that person happens to be the same gender as you, why should it be up to our legislature to say, "No, you can't commit yourselves to loving one another completely for the rest of your lives?" It's ludicrous.

I heard on the radio this morning that there was a lot of hubbub in Massachusetts over the weekend as hundreds of gay and lesbian couples went to get marriage licenses. They had a sound bite from a straight woman who had gone with her fiance to get a marriage license and was upset that she had to wait in line for five hours because of the number of people who were there. She said something to the effect of, "The reason they can't get married is now the exact reason why I can't get a license," and she threw in the word "irony" somewhere. I kind of wanted to find her and hit her. If it wasn't a big deal in this country, it wouldn't be an issue at all. But seeing as your particular courthouse is one of three in the country that will issue marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples, take a wild guess where gay and lesbian couples are going to go to get their licenses? It's sad that it has to be that way and I hope that things in current government shift so that anyone who wants to get married to anyone else (within perhaps age and species limits) can pop down to his/her local courthouse and obtain a license to do so. That way nobody will have to wait in line for five hours anywhere and everyone can get back to making their partners miserable for the rest of their lives together.

That being said, congratulations to my cousin and her girlfriend. I wish you all the best.

I like making movies. I could be very happy for the rest of my life if I just got to make movies all of the time. I like to act in them. I like to work behind the scenes on them. I get an immense amount of pleasure from figuring out how to make things work in order to tell the visual story that the director wants told. Yes, I am a dork. Yes, I am a dreamer. Yes, I am unbelievably frustrated that at this time in my life, I don't get to make more movies. But I have to keep believing that it will work out so that I can someday, right? Someday...

The thing about all of this rain we've been getting is it means we'll have a nice, buggy summer. Owen has been boning up on his bug chasing skills. Usually with little bits of dust. But hey, at least he's getting in some practice.

Stick straight hair. It's all I've ever really wanted. I have straight hair, but it's not stick straight. It likes to curl. Or at least part of it does. And even now that I blowdry my hair straight in the morning, it has little curls and kinks in it by 9:30 in the morning. Straight hair that just hangs, looking all shiny and smooth. Is that too much to ask for? In this crazy bassackwards world where everyone wants what they can't have, is it really too much to ask for stick straight hair?

So here I sit bitching about my job and my love life and an American civillian was beheaded on tape in Iraq.

It sounds like a bad movie plot, you know? Executing prisoners on tape to show that the bad guys are serious. Maybe this is why Arnie was elected governor of California -- so he could kick some governmental ass. Sadly, he is not. And it's not a movie where the beheaded actor will go home after the shoot and have dinner with his family.

I don't have a solution. I'm not saying that Iraq was better off with Hussein in power. I'm saying that things are really bad over there now and something needs to be done. I don't think sending more underprepared troops is the answer, but what do I know? I have no military training. All I can see is that the current plan seems to be failing. At this point, it's time for someone to say, "Hey, this isn't working. Let's try something else." Well, I'm saying it. And I'm hoping someone has an idea for something else we can try.

My heart goes out to that man's family. May they never see that tape.

I find myself in a really strange position in my life where from now on, I feel like every person I meet, I must assume that he or she is in a relationship. Prior to now, people were single until proven taken. It's a standpoint that makes sense in high school and college, you know? But I now find myself at that age where 90% of the people around me have paired off with one another. It's odd to have to change that mindset. Oddly liberating, too. As in, another great excuse to not put any special effort into making myself look nice when I go out -- I know nobody is going to be checking me out because they are already with someone else. Actually, I'm just looking for excuses to not have to dress up. I've been feeling frumpy and...not unwanted, but maybe wanted for the wrong reasons lately and nothing comforts a sore heart better than green corduroy pants and t-shirts. Except maybe chocolate. I bought some vegan brownie mix that I need to make up one of these days. It can be a really good thing to have baked goods in the house. Expecially when you don't have a whole lot of anything else in the house. Yeah, money worries again. It'll be better after Monday when I get paid. And don't worry, I'm not destitute. Yet.

But getting back to the relationship thing. I even saw a screening of a film the other night that had a hot guy in it and when I remarked the he was hot, the production coordinator of the film (friend of mine) said, "Yeah, he's married to [insert woman's name here that I don't remember of the top of my head]." So even the hot movie stars that I would otherwise be able to fantasize about are spoken for. Oh well. Welcome to my life of singleness. At least I won't have to worry about telling people they can't call me Miss Kitty anymore...

So I guess I should take it as a good sign when the guy who records my songs for me asks where and when I play out, yeah? And tells me I'm going to be a star because a couple of my songs are really catchy?

Okay, just checking.