Hi,

So I want to write about just sort of things in general and give an update about what's been going on. My hair is getting longer (I can put it in two very sad pigtails, but still), we auditioned a guitarist last night, I recorded a radio podcast with my full (former) band this week that was great and I can't wait for you all to be able to hear it, I love Mark DeRosa, I'm going to San Francisco in a couple of weeks and am very excited, but all of that stuff needs to be kind of pushed to the side so I can talk about something else today.

I don't understand stealing. I know someone who was robbed in the middle of the night. He woke up and heard the intruder and ended up tackling the guy in the street, but the guy still got away with some of his stuff. And I just don't understand it. I have a right to my stuff, but I don't have a right to anyone else's stuff. And yes, it is just stuff and most of it is replaceable, but the residual feeling left in your house after some random person breaks in and goes rummaging through your personal belongings...that takes a long time to shake.

I know why a lot of people steal. They have nothing and they see someone with something and the imbalance pisses them off, so they take it. And/or, they are desperate and think of it as a means of survival. But you know what? Often times, that desperation is the result of addiction or squandering one's own possessions or general laziness or something that the thief technically has control over. Yes, it is much harder to go get a job and earn money and purchase your own stuff, but just because you're strung out on crack needing a fix doesn't mean you are allowed to break into somebody's home and take their stuff. You fucked up your own life; don't fuck up someone else's. Go get help. Go to a shelter. Hell, get arrested and go to trial - you'll probably get put into a rehab program where they feed you and clothe you and give you a shower to use whenever you want and will help you get your life back to a place where you don't have to break into people's houses and steal stuff.

Sorry. I don't mean to be ranty, but it pisses me off. I try to live my life in such a way as to inconvenience and/or harm other people/animals/living things as little as possible and it just irritates the hell out of me that there are other people out there who go out of their way to hurt others without thinking twice about it.

Okay, I'm done.

The thing is, I know I will find other band mates. I know that there is a very good chance that the music will sound better when I do. I know that I am still a musician and that people still like to hear me play and that I'm still an artist.

That doesn't stop the hurting right now. That doesn't change the fact that there were so many more people who were supposed to hear us play who didn't. That doesn't change the fact that I now have to try to find those other musicians and I have absolutely no idea how long that will take.

I can't and don't blame the guys for wanting to do something else. I kind of saw it coming. And I wish them all the luck in the world. I truly love them and want good things for them, so if they'd be happier in another band, then be in another band, you know? But I truly love them and am going to miss them terribly. I already do.

So thank you for the messages of "you'll find other musicians" and "I still love your songs." They mean a lot to me. But right now, I just need to be upset about this. I don't need help finding a solution. I just need to feel like crap for a little while. I'll be fine in the long run; I think we all know that. I just need to be hurt right now.

Thanks.

I wonder what it's like to be striped. My cat is striped, as are most tabbys, tigers, zebras, some snakes, some spiders, some fish. Leopards and giraffes and dalmations have it even weirder with being spotted. I wonder what it is like to be permanently striped or spotted. What if you wake up one morning and don't want to be striped? What if you want to be solid one day? Just for a day? What with being an animal and everything, you don't really have the option to put on a jumpsuit. Unless you're a Yorkie. What's with people putting sweaters on their Yorkies? And why don't you ever see someone put a sweater on, say, their Alaskan huskie?

So my cat is striped. Does it help in his cleaning process? Like, does he know that he's already cleaned up to this stripe, so when he does that weird stretchy leg thing, he knows where to start?

And personally, I think my cat's stripes are beautiful. And I don't think it's just because I really only want to wear black, white, gray, and maybe muted colors, but I really wouldn't want to be permanently striped. I wouldn't want to be permanently garish like that. Yet another reason to not wear animals. As if I needed another one.

Okay, so I'm going to play devil's advocate here for a minute.

I was talking to a coworker today saying that I really don't like dating and my coworker replied that dating isn't one of those things that any of us actually likes, it's one of those things we have to do in order to meet someone. So for the sake of playing devil's advocate, I asked why we have to meet someone. The words kind of fell out of my mouth before I could stop them, but then I had to think about them. You might have to meet someone if you want to procreate. Unless you're female -- you can go to a sperm bank and do things yourself. And there are tax breaks if you pair off. Is that it? Is that what we get out of relationships?

I kind of hope that there is more to a good relationship than the possibility of procreation and a tax break. I'm pretty sure that there is. I have some of the greatest friends a person could ask for and I get a lot out of our relationships -- humor, support, stimulation, love. And I sit and wonder what it is that I would want from a relationship that I'm not getting from these friendships and mostly, it boils down to the physical. I love my friends, but we're not going to make out. And while there are many stores dedicated to making sure that men and women can enjoy themselves without a partner, none of their offerings allow one to make out with oneself. It's just one of those physical impossibilities and let's be honest, kissing is fun. So if my emotional, spiritual and intellectual needs are being met through my various friendships, am I really just looking for someone to make out with? Is it possible that my current needs are that shallow? Though if that is the case, should I feel bad about seeking out a partner who is just plain hot?

I'm sounding really awful. Sorry about that. Please keep in mind that I'm playing devil's advocate. Why do we have to find someone to partner up with?

Hi.

Okay, so I have a question that is probably going to drive horror movie fans a little bit batty. But just bear with me. I do have some logical points.

In horror movies, zombies and/or persons raised from the dead or reanimated are always angry, stupid, and eager to attack those still living. Up until just a couple of years ago, they were always slow, too. Yet, if you ever read accounts of real people in horrible accidents who were pronounced dead but chose to walk away from the light, they are, for the most part, thankful to be alive and treasuring every moment they have on this earth. They are eager to help others and to spread joy and peace and talk about the sanctity of life. They retain at least most of their understanding of their native language and have this strange sort of peace about them.

So why is it that reanimated persons/animals in movies are always so angry? Is it just for dramatic effect? Because if so, I think reanimated persons/animals are getting a really bad rep and someone should start an organization for the rights of those reanimated to make sure they are represented properly in mass media.

Yeah, I've been watching Buffy again. Sorry.

So it's tornado night, oh what a night
So it's tornado night, oh what a night

See, we all thought we were going to Wrigley Field on 70's night, but as it turned out, it was tornado night. The sky turned black and it started raining and they told us all to go down to the concourse level because of severe weather warnings and such and then the tornado sirens started going off and they closed the gates so we couldn't leave and it got hot and really loud and they kept trying to make announcements but we couldn't hear anything because let's be honest, 40,000 people crammed into a small space after a lot of them have been drinking for two to three hours can get really loud and after about a half an hour they opened the gates and people started going like they were going to leave but then they'd see the rain and stay in and finally my friend and I just left. We pushed our way out and walked home. In the rain. Or perhaps in the drizzle. It wasn't so bad by the time we left, but I was damp by the time I got home and we got to see some really amazing lightening.

So the long and the short of it is that we're fine. I have another fun adventure story now, this one related to Wrigley Field. And all things considered, I think it was handled pretty well. Wherever you are, I hope you're safe and dry.

Okay, Angel is hot, Spike is beautiful, I'd date Oz, and Drusilla drives me nuts.

And call me crazy, but after a day of watching a vampire-based television show, I find it a little bit odd that I go downstairs to take one load of laundry out of the dryer and put the next one in to find the lint screen sitting on top of the dryer. Which means someone went down into the laundry room, opened the dryer, took out the lint screen, put it on top of the dryer, started the dryer back up again (assuming that the cycle wasn't done yet) and left. Who does that? They didn't even start their own laundry -- my stuff was the only stuff down there. And suddenly, there is also a soda machine in our laundry room. It's been a couple of weeks since I was down there, but a soda machine? In our laundry room? That probably only about four people in the building actually use? Really?

Okay, so puppies are exhausting. And they're not even puppies. But three dogs with very different personalities take a lot of time and attention and energy. It's fun, but takes a lot of energy.

And I have a confession to make. This weekend, I was going to try that crazy juice diet thing, where for 48 hours you pretty much drink nothing but juice and water and you're not supposed to eat. Thing is, I like to eat. I like the act of chewing. I like the flavors and textures of food.

Which brings me back to every woman's internal struggle - how to enjoy life and try to fit into society's image of what is attractive. I've gained a couple of pounds lately. I don't know that anyone else would even notice, but I do. So I worry about it and think I should go on the crazy 48 hour pseudo-starvation juice diet because else than that, I can't seem to stop eating. But I look around me at all of the women in the city and they are of so many shapes and sizes and colors and they're all beautiful and I wonder how many of them are currently starving themselves or binging and purging or living only on salads, never allowing themselves to enjoy a chocolate chip cookie. I want to allow myself the joy of a chocolate chip cookie because I think that our societal body image issues are insane. So I tried the juice diet until about 4pm when I had a bunch of salad. And it was fantastic. I might have to eat some olives now. I'll just find another way to keep my weight in check, without putting my body into starvation mode.

Rabbit rabbit! Happy August!

And it is a very happy August as it starts off with the Cubs having just swept the Brewers. Yay!

But that's not what I wanted to talk about today. Today's entry could be titled, if I did titles, "Keen and Not-So-Keen." As in, things I am keen on, and things I am not-so-keen on.

I'm not so keen on Brazil nuts. I know they are actually seeds and maybe that explains the texture, but I've decided that out of all of the nuts, Brazil nuts are probably my least favorite. I'll still eat them if I buy a package of mixed nuts containing Brazil nuts, but instead of seeking them out like I would with cashews or almonds, I'll eat one or two and then try to avoid the rest until the next time I eat mixed nuts.

I'm not so keen on people who mis-hear my name when I introduce myself. I know that most people don't personally know someone named Kitty, but they probably know at least a dozen Katies, Katys, Kathys, Kellys, and Kates. However, I firmly believe that there is a big difference between the soft "i" sound in "Kitty" and the hard "a" sound in "Katie" or "Katy" or "Kate." To not hear that difference implies that whoever I'm talking to really isn't listening, which makes me kind of sad. And the worst are the people for whom I spell my name, say when I'm placing a take-out order over the phone, and they still get it wrong. "Name?" "Kitty. K-I-T-T-Y." "K-A..." "No, K-I-T-T-Y." "K-A-T-T-Y." Fuck you. I answered the phone at work the other day and introduced myself and the woman on the other end said, "Hi, Jenny, my name is..." and proceeded to have a conversation with my imaginary identical twin sister Jenny. My name really isn't that difficult to figure out. It's what we tell our children to call small cats. And even just out of courtesy, you could listen to what I say when I tell you my name. If you tell me your name is Achmed, I don't assume you said Aaron, just because I don't know any other Achmeds, you know?

I am very keen on this company that makes frozen dinner type things called Amy's. The company apparently started when this very busy working couple had children and wanted fast, easy meal options, but they were horrified at all of the preservatives and sodium and whatnot in most frozen dinners. So they started making their own. And they are so tasty! Mostly organic, lots of them are vegan, there are complete meals, or just elements of meals. I just had their tofu scramble breakfast with hash browns and tomatoes and it was so good! And you can find their products in most grocery stores now. Just go to the frozen section where the Boca burgers are and stuff.

I am keen on puppies. I get to dog-sit these three really fun dogs this weekend and I'm looking forward to some good puppy time. I am, of course, also very keen on my cat, but that goes without saying.

I am not so keen on money. It's horrible that we need it and what people will do to get it. And as Douglas Adams pointed out, we pass around these little pieces of paper in the hopes that we will be happier if we move these little pieces of paper around, but really, it's not the little pieces of paper that were unhappy to begin with. It would make much more sense to move ourselves around. Or something to that effect. It's been a while since I read that book. It's a good one.

I am keen on my bed. It's a good place to be. As of late, I've become the sort who sleeps in the whole bed, sometimes diagonally. I think it might be messing with my cat a little bit because he doesn't have "his spot" anymore, but he hasn't been sleeping in my room very much lately anyway. It's too hot.

So yeah, I think that's good for now. There are plenty of other things that I am keen on and not so keen on, but this will do for now. I mostly wanted to get the Brazil nut thing out of my system.