I think the most important thing this has all made me realize is that I miss acting.

Maybe instead of finding a boyfriend, I should get into a show.

Just something to think about.

Ugh.

So I've now been rejected by (or I rejected) about seventy people on this dating site. My favorites are the ones who say no because they can't see my picture. Because I would want to date someone who is that shallow that he can't look at who the person is before finding out what she looks like. Granted, physical attraction is an important part of a relationship, but you could at least make an effort to get to know me before you start judging me on my appearance. Whatever.

And today was the kind of day where it would have been really nice to have a special someone with me, or a special someone to come home to. Not that my cat isn't special - he is the love of my life. But he isn't so good for cuddling up against. Unless he's already sleeping. Which, at the moment, he is not. It was a lovely day, don't get me wrong. Just the kind of day wherein I was kind of wishing I had a partner. I did take some consolation in overhearing conversation about an ex of mine who apparently isn't treating his current girlfriend very well. But still.

But the whole dating thing is so tiring. And not because of the rejections - those are almost easier to take than the rest of it. I just almost want to be done with it just because it's getting old. Trying to figure out through emails if this is someone I want to invest time and energy in. I know it was a project of mine to try to find a boyfriend, and I have to say, I've given it the good college try. But I think I'm just about done for now, too. If something good doesn't pan out soon, to hell with it. I'll just be single until I'm not anymore. Even if that happens when I'm crazy old lady sitting on my front porch telling stories to the neighbor kids.

Anyone who wonders why I love Mark DeRosa and Ryan Theriot need only go here.

Seriously, who likes muzak?

So I have this sinking feeling that I'm going to turn into one of those little old ladies who lives by herself in a big scary house with lots of cats and all of the neighborhood kids are afraid of my house and they dare each other to run up and touch the front stairs, until they learn that I'm really not that scary and I make the best lemonade (tart, but not too sweet), and I have the best stories to tell about my life. So they'll all gather around on my front porch and ask questions about all of the crazy places I went and all of the crazy things that I did, and I'll tell them and smile at how I took advantage of the opportunities my life presented me.

I kind of like that idea.

So that time of year is once again upon us when I get to harass all y'all to vote for me and my band to be the Last Band Standing. The grand prize is a slot at Lollapalooza. Groovy, huh? So if you wouldn't mind, please click on the link and vote. You can vote once a day per email address, but if you have more than one email address... And you are more than welcome to vote daily.

Please vote daily.

And thank you in advance for your help!

So I went and got a six week free membership to a gym yesterday and now I really don't want to use it. It was a very male-dominated crowd there and I'm guessing that as much as they're working out, they're checking out the six women in the place. I'm not sure I want to run around in circles in stretchy pants around those people. But I might go try a Pilates class tomorrow anyway. Because let's be honest - I've been eating too much lately and at my age, with my metabolism starting to slow down, I have to take a more active part in my physical health. Unless I want to turn into one of those people who requires a crane to get out of bed. Not so much.

The online dating is just kind of odd. I'm not sure what else to say about that. I kind of want to apologize in advance to any of the guys I end up talking to because this type of structured communication brings out my wordiness. I'm going to end up sending marathon emails to people and that's really not what I'm like. Just ask my mom. But yeah, it is kind of fun to talk to and meet new people like this. In a weird way, it almost feels like I'm on the Bachelorette or something, because all of my matches are listed out, along with our stage of communication and a status report so it almost looks like a race. Will guy A be the first to get a face-to-face meeting, or will guy C be able to push through faster? It's just funny.

So I think in leiu of going to the gym today, I'm going to do some cleaning and then ride my exercise bike while I watch the Cubs game. Sounds like a pretty good day to me. I might even make pancakes with blackberries in them. Mmm...blackberries...

Two questions:

1) Should I be concerned that my cat isn't eating his canned food anymore? He eats the dry stuff and he loves Tofurkey, but he's not eating the canned stuff, no matter what brand or flavor I buy for him. Is that a bad thing?

2) Is it possible to overdose on blackberries?

It is gorgeous outside today. The kind of day when you just want to do something outside. Doesn't matter what. You could mow the lawn or go for a walk or play Frisbee or sing to the squirrels or whatever, as long as you're outside. I, of course, am inside at work. My co-worker isn't here today, either, so I can't even try to sneak out ten minutes early. But it's also kind of quiet, so that's good.

On the update front, I was rejected by another guy for undisclosed reasons. Continuing conversation with a couple more.

And I think I might go get a trial membership to a gym so I can take some yoga and Pilates classes and stuff. Which, unfortunately for those around me, will mean I also have to pick up some new stretchy pants. I'm apologizing in advance for any feelings of wooziness brought on by the sight of me in stretchy pants.

Mostly, I just like to say stretchy pants.

(I would like to mention that although these last few entries may have sounded a bit bitchy or whiny or self-deprecating, I'm actually feeling pretty good about myself lately. I'm smarter than the average bear. I could use a haircut, but in general, I'm looking pretty good. And I write some darn good music. So yeah, things are good. OH! And I have the most beautiful cat in the world. He really does just melt me. He kind of cuddled with my arm while he was sleeping last night, which was really adorable.)

Time for today's update.

I was rejected by another guy because he couldn't see my picture. Aren't we supposed to judge people on personality, not looks?

I was rejected by two guys who are pursuing other relationships.

I was rejected by one guy that I sent questions to because he felt no chemistry.

I answered another guy's questions after he answered mine.

I got a text message from a friend who is afraid for my soul that I signed up on this site. Kind of. It was more a funny text message than a "You're going to burn in the eternal hellfire for your unnatural urges" kind of a message. Though that message could be funny, too, depending on who it is coming from. If, say, Rush Limbaugh or Dr. Phil somehow got ahold of my phone number and started texting me, I think I'd pass out from laughing.

My mom has this theory that I'm going to go through all of this crap and then just randomly run into my life partner walking down the street or at a Cubs game or something. I hope she's right.

Anyway. I'm still open to set-ups, too, if you know somebody I should. Let me know.

Wish me luck!

I feel the need to document my experience with this online dating site. Please note, this is one of those sites where you have to fill out this long questionnaire and then it sends you matches based on your answers and what kind of person you are and what kind of person they are and blah blah blah, so supposedly, anyone who ends up in your "matches" is someone you have a decent shot of getting along with.

One guy rejected me outright for undisclosed reasons.

One guy who doesn't have a picture up rejected me because I didn't have a picture up.

Four guys have looked at my profile.

One sent questions. I answered. I think it's my turn to ask.

I sent questions to three or four guys - I don't remember.

This is funny.

I got some spam today that was dated 2038.

It's somehow comforting to know that spam never dies.

Hi.

Okay, so dating update. I'm going to warn you in advance that this entry may come off as whiny and I'm going to apologize for that. I know it's no fun to read somebody's whiny drivel, and you're not required to keep reading, but I felt like posting so here goes.

I've tried the speed dating thing twice now, with two different companies. One was free, one I had to pay for. The free one resulted in nothing. The one I paid for resulted in a week and a half of dating someone who turned out to be incompatible. Which is fine. We all have to date a lot of the wrong people in order to find the right one, right?

So I have now signed up and paid money to be on this online dating site. I'm interested to see how/if it works. I know it has worked for other people. I'm still skeptical, though, you know? It's hard not to be. I'm not your average bear in any sense of the word and I'm not sure that online dating is the best way for me to meet people. I'm much more interesting in person. Well. Kind of. Whatever.

I think the thing that is mildly irritating to me, though, is that I find myself having to look. To invest time and energy (and money) into actively looking for a partner. My partner. Most of the people that I know found their partners "accidentally" through work or their social networks or various extracurricular activities in which they participate. And you would think that with the amount of extracurricular activities in which I participate that I would have found somebody somewhere along the way who didn't find me repulsive, who I didn't find repulsive, who I could have dated. But for one reason or another, that route didn't work (and in all fairness, I shouldn't discount the fact that I have asked a lot of people out and a lot of people have asked me out and some of it was fun and some of it wasn't and some of it went nowhere and some of it has resulted in friendships so it's not like I've spent years being a hermit or a leper or anything; I just haven't found my life partner yet). So I'm answering silly questions and filling out profile information and uploading photos and whatnot so that I can say I put in a concerted effort to find my partner.

Ugh. Wish me luck.

I find myself staring down an evening at home by myself and counting down the minutes until I get to leave work. I've been having fun, mind you, but once again, evenings at home by myself have become few and far between. And as we all know, as an introvert, I need them. I did laundry the other night after band practice because that was the only time I had to do it.

So what do I plan on doing with my evening at home by myself? Well, I really need to clean. Badly. I'm starting to get annoyed with myself at the little cat hair tumbleweeds that are forming beneath my dining room table. I have to take out the recycling, too. And vacuum. But in all likelihood, I'll probably pass out on my couch with my cat sleeping by my feet. Which is also, in my book, a very effective usage of time.

I have thoughts about the cyclone in Myanmar (mostly that it's horrible and I hope there is no second thought about providing whatever kind of aid is needed), and I'll talk about that more later. But in the meantime, I found this article that is totally unrelated to anything else to be rather interesting. Enjoy!

Okay, so the Kentucky Derby.

I realize that it is a big part of our culture -- the racing of the Kentucky Derby is one of those big events that no matter how hard PETA protests, it isn't going to be going away anytime soon. Also because for every horse that participates in the Derby who is mistreated behind doors, there is another who is treated better than most of our children and elderly. I know as an animal rights advocate, I should get upset about the running of the Derby, but I also think it's not as bad as some other "sports" that involve betting on animals like, say, dog or cock fighting. So let's just say that in general, I'm indifferent to it.

But I am almost unspeakably sad that the horse that came in second this year had to be euthanized on the track. She broke both front ankles running the race. What an awful way to go. And stupid me, I looked at pictures and there were some of her trying to stand back up, with trainers trying to hold her down. I know you can't walk on two broken ankles, but she was trying. My guess is that she was a very strong, very proud horse and she probably wanted to keep running. But she had to be put down because of her injuries. I don't know how many thousands of dollars it would have taken to help her heal and recuperate from her injuries -- I'm not a vet. But it's really sad to me that she came in second and then died.

I hope that wherever she is now, she's happy and running to her heart's desire.

I got a bonus walnut in my lemon blueberry muffin. I guess it's just one of those kind of days.

Also, a belated happy birthday to my brother. I love him very much and am so glad he is my brother.

Also, a belated happy birthday to my second favorite bald musician.

And happy Cinco de Mayo to everybody! Go listen to the Liz Phair song and eat a taco or something. I dunno. I'm bad with Cinco de Mayo celebrations.

Lessons in Inappropriateness: Volume 1

Public Transportation

Imagine yourself on a crowded train. You are squished in, perhaps not quite as tightly as those people in Japan on the YouTube video, but still, it is crowded. Now also imagine that you are male. The kind of male who likes women. The kind of male who particularly likes women with larger rear ends. Now imagine that you are this particular type of male on this particular train and there is a woman who you don't know with a larger rear end standing right in front of you.

IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE TO PUSH YOUR OWN BODY CLOSER TO THIS WOMAN SO THAT SHE CAN FEEL THAT YOU ARE THE TYPE OF MALE WHO APPRECIATES THE SIZE OF HER REAR END.

IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE TO TOUCH THIS WOMAN'S LEG, THIGH, REAR END, OR ANY OTHER PART OF HER BODY.

IT IS NOT APPROPRIATE TO BEGIN TO LIFT UP HER SKIRT SO THAT YOU CAN TOUCH A LITTLE HIGHER ON HER LEG.

It does not matter that nobody can see you do it. It does not matter that this/these action(s) make you feel better than you have felt in months. Under no circumstances is it appropriate for you to feel up a woman you don't know on the train.

This message has been brought to you by the letter P, the letter Q, and by "Back Off, Jackass," the new pepperspray for today's career woman.

Thank you.

Well, that was fun.

And a 19-5 win to push the Cubs to 17-10 on the season? Not too shabby. Here's hoping it gets a little warmer outside soon so that going to the games is a bit more fun.