So admittedly, I'm getting antsy. I did that television show thing a while ago and yes, I got my DVD copy in the mail, but there is, as of the posting of this blog, no way for any of the rest of you to see it, nor is there any information posted about when you might be able to.

I know that editing and producing a television show is a big deal. I'm not angry or annoyed with the people who haven't aired it yet. I know they are all working really hard to put out a great product.

But I want you all to see my interview and tell me if I look stupid in it. If I come off as a jackass. I know I used a few more "ums" than I normally do; I try to leave them out of interviews entirely because they make the interviewee (me) look less intelliegent than the interviewee (me) is. But I used a couple. And I'm just wondering if the things I said make sense. Do I seem like an idiot or do I come off as an intelligent but very nice person?

So yeah, I'm getting antsy. And cold. And I'm not a big fan of either.

I got a DVD copy of that television show performance I did last month in the mail yesterday and I have to say, it's not nearly as bad as I thought it was going to be. I'll even go so far as to say, "Damn, I'm cute." I should have looked up more when I played my songs, yes, but in general, I think I did a good job. And damn, I'm cute.

So apparently, the reason why womanizers don't hit on me is because I'm too much work. I guess men like that don't like/want/have time for intelligent women with a good sense of humor. I don't know if that's comforting or not. You know? You always wonder, "He'll sleep with anything else that moves, but he's not at all interested in me. Why is that?" I don't know if it helps to know that I'm too complicated for a guy like that. Smart women like sex, too, you know.

And my other question is this: you go to the movies and buy the jumbo box of Dots and 90% of them are red. You maybe get one yellow, two green, and four orange ones in the whole freakin' box. You go to the grocery store around Halloween and buy the bag full of mini boxes of Dots and 90% of them are orange. You get maybe two red Dots in the whole bag. Why is that? Are there two totally different Dot factories? Did one of them get a lot more orange flavoring and dye than the other? And why does nobody but me like green Dots?

I had this dream last night that I've had before. Like, the exact same dream. I'm visiting this place that I'm told I have to get out of before it gets dark or bad things will happen. I, of course, can't get out by nightfall, and it turns out the bad things that happen involve bugs. Lots and lots of big, icky bugs that will lay their eggs under your top layer of skin or in any small cuts or anything. And in the dream, I finally get all of the bugs off of me, only to discover that some of the roaches have laid eggs in a cut on my leg and then my leg is teeming with baby roaches, trying to get out. Not exactly a pleasant dream. I find that the next morning (in my dream), I spend the whole day trying to disinfect myself before I start hatching things at night. I bet a dream analyst would have a field day with me.

See, the whole point of a three tiered governmental system, the way I learned it anyway, is so that the three parts can keep each other in check. "Checks and Balances," remember? So why is it that our current executive branch is trying to pass a law that would, essentially, exclude itself from the whole Checks and Balances system? Is the executive branch completely unfamiliar with the Constitution?

Oh, wait, look who I'm talking about. Sorry, my bad. I expect too much from them.

All I have to say is this silly provision better not even make it past the committee wherein it was drafted. If it does, I just might be going for an "extended vacation" to my friend's place in the Netherlands.

So just when I'm having a bad month, a day like today comes along and makes me smile.

I got a comment on my MySpace page that said exactly the right thing from a man I'm trying really hard to not have a crush on.

My friends visited me at the sammich shop today and applauded after each song.

A random patron at the sammich shop gave me a best wishes sort of a card because he really likes my voice.

A local newscaster came into the sammich shop because they were shooting part of a story there, and she said I sounded great.

AND, as if all of that wasn't enough, I found out that The Monkees are on in syndication on a channel I can watch!

Okay, thank you to the random patron. That was so sweet and it really made my day. Thank you to my friends and the local newscaster for your support. I appreciate it more than you know.

But I love the Monkees. I've always loved the Monkees. I know, I know, your image of me is now totally blown. I know people rag on them because they didn't play their own instruments and stuff. But I know for a fact that Mike Nesmith, Mickey Dolenz and Davey Jones are accomplished musicians. I'm not sure where Peter Tork came from, but he was so cute and so funny. I grew up watching Monkees reruns. I grew up listening to their music. And let's face it, regardless of whether or not they played the instruments, they made some damn good music. And the show is funny! Great comic timing. Off the wall sarcastic comments. With a bit of Three Stooges slapstick humor thrown in. I honestly love the Monkees and now they are on the tele and I can watch them again.

Twice in my life, I've been two degrees from a Monkee. I'm two degrees from Kevin Bacon, but what really excites me is that I am two degrees away from the Monkees, twice over. The summer I spent in LA, I worked on a short film starrng a man who had a guest starring role on an episode of the Monkees. And last winter when I played in Pennsylvania, the man who booked me and opened for me is Davey Jones' keyboarist. So twice, I've been two degrees from the Monkees. How cool is that?

I hope you're all having a lovely day, too. If not, cheer up, sleepy Jean...

I've got a very busy six weeks coming up. No! Sleep! 'Til November! See, you can tell already that something's not right because I'm mutilating Beastie Boys lyrics and I'm probably the only person in the world who isn't a huge Beastie Boys fan. Anyway. Yeah, very busy six weeks coming up. So what does my body decide to do? Throat plugged. Sinuses wacky. General feeling of lethargy. Now is not the time to get sick, damn it! Yes, it could just be allergies; it is that time of year. Or it could be our good old friend General Ick who is going to take up residence and stay for a while.

I'd like to stay home and drink tea and eat soup and read all day. But I have to go help raise money for Alzheimer's research. I guess that's a good thing. Help people who are sicker than me so they can read and eat soup and drink tea and remember who their children are. I can rest when I'm dead. Right?

In profile, I really don't have a nose.

I'm not sick, but I'm not well...

Really. I don't think I'm actually sick, but I certainly don't feel good. Part of it is because I'm female (I'm leaving that there), but the other part, I'm not sure. My throat is kinda scratchy. Not really sore yet, just scratchy. Like if I tried to sing right now, I'd probably sound kind of Macy Gray-ish. Or Ella Fitzgerald-ish. Not saying either of those is a bad option, but I think you know what I mean. I'm just feeling kind of off.

I went back to my local library yesterday, realizing that just because I check a book out doesn't mean I have to finish it. I mean, if I'm really not enjoying it, why waste the time? Why not borrow books that are engaging instead of books that are a chore? Anyway, I came home with the third Harry Potter book and another one that was in the new fiction section that looked interesting and I got about a hundred and ten pages into the Harry Potter book before I realized that what I really wanted to do was sleep. So I was in bed by about ten o'clock last night. I haven't done that in ages. On the down side, it means I'm up at six thirty today. I already read some more and did some online surfing and whatnot and it's only seven thirty. And I'm still not feeling fantastic. But I'm thinking I should get up and go about my day as best I can. I have some costume stuff to help out with as the costumer for the kids show at my theater company is kind of swamped. As much as I tried to not be involved, here I am. Involved. Gotta make some ghost costumes. I think. Anyway...

Enjoy your day. Don't feel off. Feel good.

So a long whirlwind weekend of being a rockstar. It was fun, but exhausting. And now I have this lovely lump of something in my throat that makes me sound kinda froggy. It's nice when I'm playing "Me and Bobby McGee," though. I sound like I've smoked for years.

The weird thing about being a rockstar (if I'm allowed to call myself that) is that I don't have weekends anymore. I have weekdays. For example, I have nothing that I have to do today or tomorrow. Okay, not really true, but today and tomorrow are the days that I have to catch up on all of the stuff that normal people do on weekends -- clean house, pay bills, grocery shop, etc. Then Wednesday I'm playing an Alzheimer's benefit at the sammich shop where I usually play on Fridays, and there's a preview of my theater company's children's show. Friday and Saturday I work. Thursday and Saturday I have rehearsals. Sunday I have two band practices (mine and hers) and a gig (hers). It's weird. Most people look forward to the weekend as their time to relax and recover from the week. I'm starting to look at Mondays and/or Tuesdays as my days to relax and recover from the weekend. I guess thus is the price of rockstardom. And I guess I'm okay with that.

So if you live in the greater Chicagoland area and have access to a copy of The Reader from this week, go pick one up. There's a picture of me on page 24 of section 2. The picture is a couple years old, but check it out anyway. It's always fun to be in the newspaper.

So the venue we're playing tonight kind of intimidates me. I know it shouldn't; I've been in there before. It's a basement, essentially. But a rather known basement. And after all, we are on first, so it's not like we're headlining there. But anyway, I'm nervous. Also because supposedly a lot of people that I know are coming, including my friend all the way from Boston. He was in town anyway; he didn't come into town to see the band play. Anyway, it will be good to see my friends, and here's hoping I don't screw up too badly.

I French braided my hair today.

In other news, I'm tired. Of lots of things, so we're just going to say I'm tired. I'm going to go see if the Cubs can win their first series since the middle of August.

I miss Mike Barrett.

I miss Todd Walker.

I didn't turn on my computer at all yesterday. It was kind of strange, but kind of nice. I'm realizing it's been about 36 hours since I was on my computer. Weird.

I'm also realizing that I think a lot of the physical weirdness I've been feeling lately is a lack of vegetables. "A lack of vegetables?" you say. "How can a vegan be lacking in vegetables?" Raw vegetables. Vegetables eaten in their purest state. I've been on this protein kick as of late and while I am still technically eating vegetables, overdosing on lentils and eating a nice, fresh, organic garden salad are two totally different things. The salad makes you feel light and happy. The lentils and rice sit in your stomach like a rock, even though they do let you know you just did something fantastic for your body (seriously, do you know how good lentils are for you? Tons of protein. Good carbs. Lots of iron. Lots of B vitamins. They're the new superfood). So I've decided that instead of planning some expensive spa weekend which will leave me feeling more guilty than anything else, I'm going to take a trip today to my favorite produce store -- Stanley's -- and get a bunch of fresh, organic veggies, and I'm going to make myself a giant salad that I can eat for the rest of the week. I've not done that all summer and I miss it. It's high time I got back into veggies.

So tomorrow is Moby's birthday. Happy birthday, Moby. I'm glad you're around.

Tomorrow is also the fifth anniversary of a very bad day. Since then, things seem to have just gotten worse. Kind of makes one want to leave the country.

But, I think I just expanded my musical family, so I can't leave just yet. I'll have more details for you later, but I wanted to pop by and say something.

Something.

Oh, and my cat is the most beautiful thing in the world.

And there's very little nicer than a homemade vegan chocolate chip cookie with a glass of soy milk.

And tonight's season premiere of Family Guy was so wrong in so many ways but I loved it. The new Simpsons was kind of meh (too many dead horses just getting beaten to death. again.), but the new Family Guy was lovely.

Oh, and the puppet show closes tomorrow night. So if you haven't seen it yet and you don't come tomorrow, well, your loss. No puppet goodness for you. So there.

Congratulations, Andy and Ali!

I'm wearing vintage glasses with no lenses and they seem to have a smudge.

I had forgotten what it feels like to have the government take a huge bite out of your paycheck. Ouch.

So what do you do when you feel totally unattractive? How do you get out of it?

What do you do when you feel like you have absolutely nothing to contribute?

You do feel that way from time to time, yes? We all do, yes? So, how do you deal with it?

My very dear friend lost her grandfather last night. It was one of those things that was a long time coming, so it's probably better, but it's still never easy. The problem being, she lives too far away for me to be able to hug her. All I can do is listen when she calls. I wish I could do more. I love you, honey, and my heart goes out to you and your family.

Happy birthday to my little Filipina friend!

And I just found out today that another of my friends is pregnant. You know who you are, and may I once again send you the heartiest congratulations! I know you'll make great parents.

Though I have to say, when did this happen? First, all of my friends started getting married. Now they're all having kids. I have yet to find a boyfriend (or a tryst for that matter). Did I miss something? Anyway.

Sorry, got distracted by my cat being the absolute cutest thing in the world. This is a strange time of year for him. As the weather gets cooler, he has to spend all of the energy he didn't spend all summer when it was too hot to move. But of course, as the weather gets cooler, I sometimes close the windows. So I think he gets a bit of cabin fever. Otherwise known as orneriness. Did I spell that right? He gets ornery. Or obnoxious. However you want to put it. He's figured out how to open my kitchen cabinets, so he does, and he knocks things out of them. He jumps on my computer, or my dresser, or my bookcase that really doesn't have room for him on it. He chews electrical cords. I know, I know, he's just being a cat. I'll be happy when he calms down a bit and gets into winter mode.

Rabbit, rabbit.

Wow. September. Yeah. And as of Monday, we won't be able to wear white shoes anymore. Or white pants. Or dresses. Or anything white, really. You silly silly brides deciding to get married between Labor Day and Memorial Day are SCREWED! Hahahahahahaha!

Sorry. It's been one of those kinds of weeks.

What I really wanted to say is that I sent out headshots and resumes to thirty-eight agencies in the greater Chicagoland area on Tuesday and have already received two rejection letters. One says they just can't offer representation right now. The other says they can't because they either represent a slew of people like me already, or because I need more experience. I hate when they do that -- make it an either/or situation. Just pick one! Give me one good reason why you don't want to represent me at this time. If it's because you already represent 37 people who look like me, that's fine. Don't throw the other one in there just for fun. Because really, it's not fun. And as someone with a B.A. in theater, 15 films, a dozen or so assorted television appearances, and probably over 30 plays (I lost count a long time ago) under her belt, please please PLEASE don't tell me it's because I need more experience. There is virtually nothing theatrical that I haven't experienced, save maybe the casting couch. I've starred, I've supported, I've written, I've directed, I've run box office, I've done costumes, I've done lighting, I've built sets, I've done sound, I've made curtains, I've cleaned like a fiend, I've been dance captain, I've done musicals, I've done straight plays, I've gotten paid, I've gotten not paid, I've played men, I've played women, I've played vegetables, I've done shit, and I've done critically acclaimed stuff. Please please PLEASE don't tell me I don't have enough experience for you to represent me when I still get strange people running into me and saying, "You played that creepy janitor, didn't you?"

Okay, rant over. Sorry. On the up side, if the other thirty six places reject me, too, you'll get more lovely ranty entries like this, which will hopefully make you all chuckle.