I love thunderstorms. Big, nasty, icky ones where the sky is green and yellow and gray and the sound of the rain against your windows drowns out all other noises in your abode and every once in a while, the whole sky lights up for a split second like it is daytime on a sunny afternoon. I love thunderstorms. We had a nice one last night. So nice, in fact, that I turned off the tele and took a nap on my couch, so that I could enjoy the raindrops on my window the way they should be enjoyed. Hooray for spring finally coming!

It's yellow outside.

Wow, since the last time I posted, I've been on the radio twice. How weird is that?

Last night, they played "Hamburg" on WXRT and mentioned all of the important information about the show on Saturday. I can't even tell you what it felt like to hear my own voice, my own song on the radio, on my favorite station, nonetheless. Every muscle in my body had the energy of an atomic bomb, all wanting to explode all at the same time, but I was at rehearsal, so I couldn't really. Fucknut swung by and we jumped around outside like idiots for about five minutes. I think that's what I like best about my relationship with him right now -- we've both seen each other at our worst, so there's no reason to hold anything back. If there is somebody I could go apeshit in front of, without worrying about being distasteful, it's fucknut. Strange how things change like that. But anyway, I'm so glad he was there to go nuts with me. In retrospect, it was like something out of a movie -- I was that stupid and jumpy and screachy -- but I couldn't help it. There is nothing like hearing yourself on the radio. Nothing.

And then today, I did the interview on WLUW, which, of course, I couldn't hear, but I will be getting a copy of it on Saturday. I think it went well. My mom says it sounded good. I was a little nervous playing -- I should have stood up instead of sitting -- but I played "Mona Lisa" which is okay if my voice is a little trepidacious at times. But more than anything, it was fun. It was fun to go into the studio and talk about music and the benefit for a few minutes and play a tune. And I got into my car afterwards and drove away and realized that not a single person out there would know that I was just on the radio. Even if they were listening to the show, they wouldn't know that was me. I kind of like that. I get to do these amazing things that other people, for the most part, don't, and then I get to go about my life like a normal person.

So yeah, I get to hear myself on the radio again tomorrow night. I don't know that I can handle the excitement. If my life was like this all the time, I'd have nothing to complain about and what fun would that be?

Tee hee.

I always said that the one thing I don't want to do is direct. But now I'm staring down two directorial opportunities and I'm looking forward to them. I am not frightened. I am not turned off. I am not wishing I could perform instead. I'm looking forward to putting together a whole vision and working with actors and crew to make that vision happen. How weird is that?

I am, however, getting nervous for the show on Saturday. I'm hoping all of the radio time this week will get more people there. I hope my friends will show up. You can only send out so many reminders, you know? And even sending out reminders doesn't guarantee that people will remember to show up. I guess I need to get to the place where I just say, "I've done what I can; the rest is up to fate," and let it go. Enjoy the show. Enjoy putting the discs together. Enjoy the other guy's sets. Enjoy playing out. I'd say I've got some pretty good media coverage for this -- we're listed in papers and we'll be mentioned on air. I probably could have put out a few more flyers, but with my schedule...I'm hoping the other guys put out a few. I guess what will be will be. And even if only ten people show up, that's $70 to the Avon Walk, and like I keep saying, every dollar counts. Every dollar helps.

Ugh. I'll have more interesting things to talk about next week when this is all over. But in the meantime, don't forget to listen to me on the radio, tonight on XRT at 8:45, tomorrow afternoon on WLUW at 2:30, and Thursday night on WXRT at 10:45. And don't forget to come to the show! It will be fun, I promise.

I feel like I'm being really distasteful when I talk about my music and the fact that this is going to be a good week for me. I don't ever want to lose this feeling of "Holy shit, people actually like my art!" That's half the fun of it. I love sharing my art with people and getting feedback, be it positive or negative. I love the amazement that comes with positive feedback. I love the motivation that comes from negative feedback. I don't ever want to get blase about it and walk around saying, "Oh, yeah, I'm a musician. Don't you recognize me?" or anything like that. I like geeking out about the fact that I'm going to be on XRT and WLUW this week. Radio play is a pretty major thing in the life of a musician, and here I am getting it this week. I don't want that to ever get old.

I guess what I am trying to say is that with me, the humility thing is not an act. I thank each and every one of you who has come to a show or listened to my songs online or bought a CD. You have no idea what you mean to me. Yes, I would still be making music if you weren't there, but it is so much more fun for me to get to share it with people. And for that, I thank you, from the very bottom of my heart. Thank you.

I am a musician. A real musician. Not only am I doing a radio interview on Wednesday, but one of my songs (the version my theater friend remixed) was played in a bar last night and people actually danced to it, and I believe I will be getting radio play on WXRT (my favorite Chciago radio station) on Tuesday and Thursday of this week. I sent in my disc about a month ago to the guy who does the program called Local Anesthetic -- it features Chicago artists -- with a poster for my show on Saturday and said if he could play a tune and mention the gig, that would be fantastic. I got an email today that says he'll play it Tuesday at 8:45 pm and Thursday at 10:45 pm. I don't know what song he's going to play, but talk about great press for the show! And, I'll be on two radio stations in one week. I can't wait to hear it! And hear what the DJ says. Yes, I'm a dork, and I probably shouldn't be posting this where people can actually read it, but I'm excited. I'm going to play live on the radio, my disc will be played on the radio, my song was played in a bar last night, and I get to do a show on Saturday. This is a very good week for me, musically speaking.

I am a musician. A real musician.

Today is a religious holiday for many many people. In some people's estimations, today is one of the three high holy days in the Christian religion. I know a lot of people don't have to work today. I do. Of course. But I thought I'd talk about religion for a bit.

The name "Good Friday" always struck me as kind of odd, considering what happened on this day. If you've seen "Passion of the Christ," you know it really wasn't a very good day for anyone involved. Probably the best part of the day was when he actually died because that meant he wasn't suffering anymore.

But I remember as a kid being very confused by Good Friday for several reasons. First off being the name, like I said. But also because here it is March (or sometimes April) and we are celebrating Jesus' death and rebirth. And three months ago (not even), we were celebrating Jesus' birth. Um. If he was just born three months ago, how is it that he is now thirty-something years old? How come we don't hear much about the interim thirty years? Sure, during the rest of the year we learn bits and pieces, about him teaching the disciples and apostles and so on and so forth. And even the bits we do hear about his actual life are all from the time he was, like, in his late twenties on. How come we don't hear stories about Jesus as a toddler? Or a teenager? What happened to his formative years? But as a small child, I just kept wondering how he grew up so fast. Is that what was so magical and wonderful about Jesus? He lived and entire lifetime in three months?

I know, I know, stupid assumption. But keep in mind, I was very young and when you are very young, you don't really pay attention to the teachings and sermons in church -- you just don't have the attention span for it. In Sunday school, though, every year, you hear the same stories for Easter and Christmas at the same time of the year, so those ones kind of stick with you. And you probably do fun projects in Sunday school for those holidays, too. Whereas the rest of the year is devoted to covering the entire rest of the Bible. It gets muddled. You get confused. But you know that he was born in December and he died in March. (Or April. How come we have the exact date of his birth, but the date he died changes every year?) If nothing else, you know he was born in December and died in March. (Or April.) Am I the only one who was confused by this? Probably. That's okay. Religion is confusing.

So yeah, Happy Good Friday to those of you who celebrate it. I'm sorry that a man who was interested in teaching us all to love each other was treated so horribly on this day so many years ago. I'm not sure how to celebrate that, other than to maybe let the people around me know that I love them. You know, so his death will mean something or whatever. Sweet jebus, did I just become Christian? I hope not. Happy Good Friday, everyone. I love you.

So my friend who had back surgery on Tuesday is supposedly coming home today. I talked to her fiance last night and he said she was doing well. In pain, but that's to be expected after surgery. But for the most part, doing well. In good spirits. That kind of thing.

But, while he was taking care of her, he asked me to run a rehearsal of Floss!. It was kind of cool to go in there in a sort of directorial capacity. Granted, I had to deflect most of the questions to the actual directors upon their return because I don't want to be messing with their vision of the show, but it was interesting to get a taste of what it is like to be in charge. Which is good, because I'll need to know that stuff when I direct my kids show in the fall. And while I have never in the past wanted to direct, I'm getting kind of excited about this show. I like my script. I think it could be a really fun, entertaining show for the kids. And I think I will enjoy directing it. Shaping it into what I want it to look like on stage. I'm probably being overly optimistic. But it's good when a director enters into a project with an excess of positive energy and faith in the project. It tends to rub off on everyone else. And, I think I have a pretty good jump on things, so hopefully it won't all be a giant crunch the week before we open. Yeah, I laughed as I said that last bit, too.

I'm not going to go into too much detail, but I just want to say that it pisses me off when people who make six or seven figures need incentives to do their jobs well. I know it is the American way to ask, "Well, what do I get out of it?" whenever one is asked to do something. But when that "something" is YOUR JOB and the "what you get out of it" is respect, credibility, greater input into how things are run, a learning experience, and the chance of advancement in the future, people should be ready, willing, and able to take on that "something." You shouldn't have to pay them, too. Especially when they are already making more money than most people will see in their entire lives.

Sorry. Corporate greed pisses me off.

So in addition to purchasing Moby's new disc, I got a lot accomplished yesterday. I figured while I was at Target, I might as well get some storage containers so I can start filling up my storage space. I got through the closet in my kitchen enough that I can actually put things in there that should go in there, like my coats and my ironing board. I know Owen is upset that the ironing board is not just "out" anymore (he liked to sit on it), but I really like having a kitchen that I can walk through again. And I may get a table one of these days that he can jump on all he likes.

But yeah, it felt good to sort through that closet. I got rid of a lot of scrap fabric that was too small to make anything out of anymore. I sorted through my old make up and got rid of the non-vegan stuff, and a bunch of dead hair bands and the like. I swept my bathroom, kitchen, and bedroom floors, and did three loads of laundry. I cleaned off my desk, too. I always feel better about myself when my desk isn't so cluttered. I even cleaned out one of the drawers, so it makes a little more sense.

Next, I'm going to tackle my bedroom closet. I know there is a lot of stuff in there that could go down into storage, like my hat collection and my luggage and whatnot. An uncluttered life is a happy life. As is a life filled with Moby music. I'm really digging this new CD. It is very "Animal Rights," in that it starts out all hyper and rock and roll and ends a little more chill. It takes you on an emotional journey, and I think it is a journey of lonliness. I can't wait to see these songs performed live. *sigh* I love Moby.

I'm going to be on the radio!

The other night after playing the open mic at the Grafton, I met the lovely Jenna Murfin who has her own radio show. She asked if I would like to come on her show to talk about the Benefit Concert and to play a tune and I, of course, jumped at the chance. My first radio appearance! Made that much more exciting and important by the fact that I'm doing it in the name of the Avon Walk.

So next Wednesday, March 30, tune your radio to 88.7 FM, or if you can't get a signal there, you can listen to it streaming online at WLUW.org. Her show is from 2-4pm (Central Time), and I should be on there somewhere in the neighborhood of 2:30. I'm so excited! Now I just have to figure out what song to play...

One of my dear friends is having back surgery today. It is minimally invasive and she should be fine, but still, it's back surgery. So if you can, please send happy thoughts to my friend so that everything goes smoothly and she recovers quickly.

Thanks!

I love music. I just do. Growing up, I would never have considered myself a "music person." I was a "movie person." I knew all about movies, I knew movies that other people had never heard of, blah, blah, blah. I don't buy many CDs and I don't know many artists and I have a hard time calling myself a "music person" because of that. But I kind of decided this morning that I am a music person. I love making music. I love listening to music. I love the power contained in music to move others, either to dance or weep or think or whatever. Music is truly amazing and I am so blessed that I have musical talent. One musician whom I really respect called me "A white girl who can sing like that," which doesn't sound like much when taken out of context, but I took it as a huge compliment. After playing an open mic last night, I met a couple of people who are interested in buying my disc, and one woman with a radio show who asked me to be on it. (Though until that is confirmed, I'm not going to give out details, so shhh!) And with the wonders of the internet, I get messages from people all over the country who like my music, or other musicians who want to do shows with me or so on and so forth. It's amazing. It's astounding. I get to do something that I love, and other people enjoy it, too. How did I get so lucky?

Moby's new album comes out today. Today is a good day.

In all truth, my hair is growing back pretty fast. I am still not opposed to doing things to make it grow faster, though. My pre-natal vitamins shipped today. I should have them by the end of the week, assuming the rat bastard shipping company that I hate more than most children hate lima beans delivers it properly. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

I've also been thinking recently about looking into white hair dye. I have one gray hair. Just one, hanging out all by itself. I think that when my hair goes gray, it will be silvery, like that of my great aunts. And honestly, with the texture of my hair, if it is silvery, it will be gorgeous. So I've thought about giving it a spin. But I don't think they make white hair dye. C'est la vie. La vie.

You know, I never would have thought of white underwear as being sexy, but I have to say that I feel particularly sexy in by new white underwear today. I don't know if it is the cut of the bra, or the fact that there is a little flower on the panties (I know, we all hate that word), but this is cute white underwear.

Too much information, I know. Here's the thing:

I wear very boring clothing. I don't like to draw attention to myself with bright colors and whatnot. I also think that if my clothes are somewhat bland, people are more apt to pay attention to who I am and what I am about, instead of making some snap judgment about what "type" I am. I could be wrong -- people could be making the snap judgment that I am a bland person. But anyway, that's why I wear boring clothes.

BUT

I like fun underwear. At least slightly more fun than my ordinary clothes. It is where my personality manifests. Which is why when I wear my purple sequined bra, I sometimes like to show it off. What fun is underwear like that if nobody gets to see it? Granted, I don't walk around randomly flashing people just for the sake of flashing people. But I like to know, at the very least, that I have interesting underwear on. Yes, I try to have it match. If it matches my outfit, even better. Or if can compliment my outfit, that works, too, like a black bra under a white shirt. I think you get the idea -- I like to have fun with the bits that people don't get to see.

Which kind of brings me around to the fact that people don't see these bits. Not even one particularly lucky guy. I really don't want a relationship right now. I really, honestly, adamantly don't want one. I had a crush on someone for a while there, and I might still -- I'm not sure. But even the thought of entering into a relationship with him is off-putting. I like being single. I like not looking for a partner. Is that wrong? Is there something wrong with me that I don't crave that bond like so many other people do?

I think I have some ideas as to why I don't crave that, and they go back to baggage in my life that I may have dealt with badly, or that I may not have dealt with at all. We'll not delve into all of that. But the result is that I'm not interested. Does that make me unhealthy? I don't know. I honestly don't. If I am okay with and happy with my decision to not be romantically involved with anyone, regardless of the events in my life which have brought me to that decision, does that mean that decision is an unhealthy one? Does that make me damaged? Can a person be healthy on their own? I would tend to think that most people would say no. Society certainly seems to think that people should pair off -- couples talk free with certain cell phone plans, they sell biscuits in two-packs now, etc. Is there honestly something wrong with me that I don't want to be paired off?

Which, of course, means I'll meet the perfect guy for me tomorrow. Probably while I'm buying Moby's disc. Stupidfey Fate and her twisted sense of humor.

Mission accomplished! I purchased jeans and underwear and it took me under an hour.

m00t.

How many random thoughts can one girl smash into one blog entry? Let's find out.

I only have one performance of Floss! left. I've been in this show for two years and now it is coming to an end. Not the show, just my stint in it. I have no idea what I am going to do with my Saturday nights now. And even though it has not been as fun as of late as it was when I first joined the cast, I'm going to miss it. Two years is a lot of time to invest in a project.

Monkey SARS is really annoying. I think I even have swollen glands. I'm thinking maybe I should go see my doctor because I don't want a repeat of last year's benefit concert wherein I couldn't sing.

I have a friend going in for back surgery on Tuesday. Please think happy thoughts for her.

I can't stop listening to the Melville Mix of Ordinary. I know it was entirely someone else who produced this version of the song, but it was inspired by my little song. And to have something so amazing created out of something I created...I feel like a real musician or something. This song is beautiful.

Moby's new disc comes out on Tuesday, too. The wait will finally be over!

I'm going to do some shopping today, for clothes. *gasp* I'm going to see if I can find a new pair of jeans and some new underwear. It is so weird to have money so that I don't have to feel completely strange about purchasing things that I need. So bizarre.

So the idea has been planted in the back of my mind that maybe I'd like to move to New York sometime soon. Like December or January. I'd go sooner, but the kids show I'm directing will run through November at least and I don't want to have to leave the show in someone else's hands, you know? That's not very fair to them.

My hair is growing pretty fast. I'm excited to have hair again.

I think that's about it for now. I'm going to eat a tomato and go shopping before the kids show today. m00t.

I got an email this morning from a RAT cast member, saying how much he missed us and missed doing the show. It made me cry. Honestly. Why is it so hard to get over this show?

I'm wearing Simone's earrings today.

I'm toying with the idea of taking vitamin E so that my hair will grow faster. It grows pretty fast as it is. This morning, when I got out of the shower, I had little wet clumps of hair on my head. When your hair is uber short, it isn't long enough to stick together when it is wet. My hair is just about long enough to stick together when wet. m00t. Oh, yeah, since I love the word moot so much, but I keep saying w00t all of the time, I've decided to combine them into m00t. See how long it takes for people to catch on to the fact that I'm saying m00t instead of w00t.

Yes, the Monkey SARS has altered my brain chemistry.

We now return you to your regularly scheduled morning. Reminder: at 2:00 today, there is a Cubs game on. And on Tuesday, Moby's CD will be available for purchase. That is all.

Ugh. Monkey SARS is getting old. I want it to go away. I want to feel human again!

Happy St. Patrick's Day, everybody.

I have to say that it irritates me that St. Patrick's Day has become the ordeal that it has become. It is a day to celebrate your Irish Catholic heritage. Not being Catholic, I have always seen it as a day to celebrate my Irish heritage. As a person who only knows bits and pieces of her ethnic background, I was always proud of the fact that I am Irish. Yes, the Irish have a reputation for being drunken louts. But ask anyone who has been to Ireland and they will tell you that the Irish are beautiful, welcoming, friendly people. We've just had a rough go of things and found that lubricating our troubles with a nice stout whiskey or beer or both makes life that much easier to swallow. But think about it: my family came over here many many moons ago because there was no food in Ireland and they were hoping for a better life. When they got here, they had to work pissant jobs to eek out enough money to feed their ever-growing families. But they did it. They did what they had to do. And because of them, I am who I am. I am where I am. I have a decent (though infuriating) job, I have rights, I have a good education behind me. No, the Irish were not brought over as slaves, but we did struggle and suffer a lot when we got here. The Irish were used as cheap labor, laughed at, and beaten. And one day a year, I like to celebrate the fact that they overcame that. I like to celebrate my ancestors, what I know of them anyway.

So I apologize if I find it irksome that everyone and their grandmother decides to be Irish for the most convenient weekend near St. Patrick's Day so they can go out with their friends, get piss drunk, and fake bad Irish accents. There is more to it than that, and until you go into a real Irish pub and hear the locals singing some beautiful tune about love and loss and longing, I don't think you'll get it. Which is fine. Just please forgive me if I don't take part in your drunken revelry. I will choose to drink a Guinness (despite it's non-vegan nature) on March 17th in honor of those who went before me. I think it's only proper.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, kids.

I'm more and more excited about this new show I'm working on every time I listen to the song I get to sing. I like it. The guy who is doing the choreography for the song said its very Danny Elfman, which I guess it is and may explain why I like it so much. But yeah, this could be a really fun show. I hope that it will be. And it has much more crass humor in it than the last one (though not as much as some I've done in the last year), so maybe people will actually come to see it. Who knows.

So the job I was totally geeked about interviewing for turned out to be a sort of pyramid scheme with a lot of fancy terminology. Fuck. I feel stupid for sticking around for the whole day. I'm annoyed that I didn't go home as soon as my feet started screaming. I'm irritated that I took two days off of work to try to pursue this job.

So I'm still employed at my old job, but I'm still suffering from monkey SARS. I'm hoping none of the rest of you have monkey SARS. It's really not fun.

On the upside, I got a lot of exercise yesterday. And I went to my first rehearsal for the new show I'm doing at Corn and I actually think I like the song I get to sing better than the song I was fighting so hard to sing before. Though here's the kicker -- the guy cast in the part I wanted dropped out. So they're still looking for someone to play the part I wanted. Oh well. They should have cast me. Oh, wait. They did. In another role. I don't know what I'm talking about. I have monkey SARS. Leave me alone.

One week from today = Moby's new album. w00t.

Pretty much everyone at my theater is or was recently sick, most of us with the same thing. We're calling it Monkey SARS. It is very much not fun. The marked symptom is a completely unproductive cough. I can feel the phlegm in my throat, waiting to loosen up and come out of whatever orifice it can manage, but no matter how hard I cough, it just does not want to come. Great day to have a full-day job interview, huh?

Wherever you are, I hope you don't have Monkey SARS.

Oh! And if you live anywhere but the United States, go out and buy Moby's "Hotel" today. Those of us in the States have to wait until next Tuesday. But if you can go get it today, go get it today. It is good. From what I have heard thus far. I'm excited for next Tuesday.

Sweet jebus, I'm going to sound like a ninny in this post and I apologize for that. I miss my show. It's like I just broke up with someone. I know it won't really hit me until Wednesday, when I don't have a show to do, or maybe it will hit me tomorrow when I show up at rehearsal for another show, but I'm sad about it right now. I haven't been this emotionally invested in a show in a really long time. I'm trying to figure out why I'm so attached to this show. It's not like it had some deep, meaningful message that would change the world. And it's not like I'll never see these people again. I don't know. I just miss this show. I think I need to have a little funeral for Simone (my character) or something, to put the whole thing behind me.

Sorry. I'll be better soon.

Mmm...Chicago Cubs baseball...

And done.

I cried on stage last night and got misty during the curtain call. Last night was our best performance, and our biggest audience. What a joy to go out on such a high note.

And those of you who don't live hundreds of miles away who didn't come to see this show -- you're fired.

So I have to remind myself constantly that nothing in life is permanent. I was sad yesterday. Today, I woke up and had spaghetti for breakfast, watched some Kung Fu ("Hero" which is amazing, by the way, and I'm not normally a Kung Fu movie fan), and I have a job interview to go to in a couple of hours. Oh. And even though I didn't get the part that I wanted, the director called me and we chatted for a little while and he really wants me in the show in another role, that I hadn't even considered. It's a bigger role, but I told him it was never about stage time; it was about the depth of the character. He feels that this other role he offered me is just as complex and layered and textured and he thinks I could do wonderful things with it. How could I turn that down? No, I don't eat butter anymore, but I'm not immune to it. So I'm in the show.

So I go from being sad about my job to having an interview that I am excited about. I go from being sad that I wasn't cast to having one of the four leads. I go from being sad that there are only two performances of RAT left to being even sadder that there is only one, but I know that this cast will continue to work together. We all want that. All of us.

Remember, Kitty. Nothing is permanent. Things always change. Sometimes for the better; sometimes for the worse. But they always change. Take comfort in that.

I'm sad today. I'm not going to be working at Wrigley this summer because I can't make it to training. I didn't get the part because I'm not a boy. I'm still here at my job where I can't even talk to my boss because he's so busy. And we only have two performances of "Real Aural Talent" left. Which makes me sad because it's almost over, but also makes me sad because of how few of my friends came to see it. I know they say the first mark of "making it" is when you are no longer doing shows for your family and friends. But this is an important part of my life that I would like to be able to share with my friends, you know? And its just a damn entertaining bit of theater. It makes me sad that people who were so happy to support me years ago when I was doing shit theater (literally, I was covered in "shit") can't or won't come see me do something good. I don't know what that says about me or them or our relationships as they now stand, but from none of those perspectives does it strike me as being a good thing. And that makes me sad.

So I'm sad today. I'll feel better later, I'm sure. But for now, I'm sad.

I'm wearing my purple sequined bra today to prove to the people in my show that I have one. This bra makes my boobs a force to be reckoned with.

This tea I bought yesterday is really good. And when you're done drinking it, you have leaves. Actual, full leaves. Not shrived, semi-expanded bits of something that looks like bark. Nothing powdery. Actual leaves. Like someone just skinned a branch of a tree and put it in a pot of water. I don't know why I am impressed by this, but I am.

Thus spake the Queen of the Non-Sequitor.

So if you were to ask me right now, I would tell you that I did not get the part. I honestly don't think I got it. And I don't think it was because of my reading -- I would like to say that I got a nice mix of drunk-trying-to-maintain with losing control with sad-about-her-dead-kid going on. Other people at the audition remarked that they were impressed with my reading. It might have been a smidge too similar to the character in the film, but it was markedly different from the other guy they wanted to read for the part. But if anything, I am going to say it was my singing that screwed me. Singing with the rest of the group, I was fine. I actually sounded quite good. The three lines I had to sing by myself, were higher than I would have liked them to be, so I sounded, well, crappy. And honestly, I would tell the director to cast an amazing singer in this role because the acting can be worked on easier. And the other guy they had read for the part had a much stronger voice than I did. More nasal, but a lot stronger. I dunno. I don't think I got it. Which is fine. It will be nice to have some time off. To not spend every night of my life at that same theater. I could audition for other stuff, or start working out again. Get some training in for the Walk. That kind of thing.

On a completely unrelated note, I went shopping for a dress yesterday. w00t. Yeah. We all know how much I love shopping. I didn't find anything I really liked, and I went to the stores that I really enjoy now. But all of the dresses they have right now are these clingy knit dresses that show off every bulge, every ounce of fat that is where it shouldn't be. There was one that I found that was kind of fun, but it was a little hoochie mama for me. Maybe if I had slut-able hair it would have worked, but I think my hair is a whopping 3/8 of an inch long right now. If that. So I didn't get anything. I bought tea instead, because I found a tea shop on Belmont. One of my friends kind of mentioned that there was one there, but I had forgotten about it. Very cute little place. Helpful staff. Great selection, except in the white tea arena. They only had four white teas. About a million blacks and greens, but only four whites. So I got one. Pai Mu Tan. It's not bad. I think I need to brew it a little stronger next cup, but it's pretty good. I'm satisfied.

Oh, and I bought this new lotion the other day because I had run out and it smells like peaches. So here I sit in my office, hating my job as much as ever, but drinking yummy white tea and smelling of peaches. I guess it could be worse. I won't even think about the fact that tonight begins the final three shows of "Real Aural Talent." That will only make me sad.

So no matter how much work I've done over the past however many years to get comfortable singing in front of people, no matter how good it feels to be on stage with my guitar singing my songs, no matter how many open mics I go to whereat I play "Ordinary," I still am 100% completely uncomfortable doing an acapella singing audition. I blew last night! Really blew. Oh well. I was kind of hoping for a break anyway because I've been going non-stop at the theater since January. But I really love this one song in the next show and I know I could sing the hell out of it if I had the opportunity to do so. Meh. I'll go to callbacks tonight and do the best I can and if I am not cast in that role, I just might skip the show entirely. I hate to be a diva about it, but it would be hard to be backstage listening to someone else sing the song that I wanted to and then to have to go out and perform something I wasn't so passionate about. Meh. We'll see. We all know I'm crazy enough that I might just take a bit part in the show for shits and grins. Meh. We'll see.

Ugh.

Okay, so we had a fire drill this morning at work. w00t.

It was fifty degrees and sunny yesterday. And it is supposed to snow tonight. Not w00t.

I don't know exactly when "w00t" became my thing and it kind of bothers me that it has. I wanted to integrate "fancy" into my daily lexicon, but "w00t" seems to have won out. Though I use it for totally different things.

I only have three performances left of "Real Aural Talent." That makes me sad.

I only have two performances left of "Floss!" That makes me happy, though I have no idea what I am going to do with my Saturday nights, apart from my concert and the Moby concert.

I can't decide if I should fight for the role I want in the next Corn show, or if I should just step back and take a break now. To be perfectly honest, either would be fine with me.

I need to take a day or two off and clean my house. I mean really clean it. Now that I have a storage space, I can clean things out of there and reorganize and whatnot. But seeing as I have no weekends now because of the kids show, I need to take a couple of days off to do it. Drat.

Sorry. I'm kind of blah today. I don't really have anything to do at work, so I'm just trying to pass the time. w00t. Though tonight is the first night in probably a month and a half that I have not had to go to the theater. But I might go anyway because fucknut is auditioning and I might just go with him for fun. And, if I decide to audition, I could probably just jump in then.

Meh. I'll be more entertaining later, I promise. Right now, I think I need more tea.

I just bought my Moby tickets. I just bought my Moby tickets. I get to see Moby in concert. I get to see Moby in concert.

Imagine, if you will, me. Jumping twenty feet in the air, arms outstretched, mouth open so wide in a barbaric yawp of excitment that I resemble an anime character, hooting and hollering loud enough for them to hear me on the lower east side of Manhattan. That is what I feel like right now. I cannot wait for this show. I bought enough tickets that other people can go with me if they want, but if I have to get rid of them on eBay and I go by myself, that's fine, too. I just can't frickin' wait for this show!!!

I just bought my Moby tickets. I just bought my Moby tickets. I get to see Moby in concert. I get to see Moby in concert.

This time, I honestly mean it when I say w00t.

w00t!

How sad is it that I have become a tea snob? As in, I can honestly say I prefer white tea to green tea. And I have a favorite brand of tea. And so on and so forth. Sweet bippy, I'm pathetic.

But I really do love my white tea. I almost think I have to treat myself today and order some of the silver needle white tea from Teany. Yes, it is expensive, but it's so good. How nice would it be to start my day off with a cup of that? Or come home to a cup of that after a long night at the theater? I'm actually doing okay financially now. Getting out of debt was probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. And seeing as I have not heard back from either Wrigley Field or the other place I interviewed, I probably won't be leaving my current job very soon. Meaning if I want to splurge and buy myself the most amazing tea I have ever had, I should be able to, right? Right. I've spent the past, I dunno, fourteen years? (ever since I got my first job) scrimping and saving and counting every penny and making every cent count. Right now, I'm doing okay. And if I want to splurge on tea, I think I deserve it.

I'm good at this justification thing, huh?

The managing director of my theater company had her baby this morning! A little girl -- Beverly Gwendolyn. Congratulations to the Hay family!

I look forward to meeting you, Beverly. Happy birthday, and welcome to Chicago.

The best thing and the worst thing about theater is that it is temporary. I love it because every show is different, every performance is different, every director and script and cast is different and that allows a lot of opportunity for growth and change and experimentation and education. But it's terrible because every few weeks, you lose your friends. Sure, everyone says, "Let's stay in touch!" but it very seldom actually happens.

I love my current cast. We only have two weeks left of the show. Six more performances, and then these people will scatter to the winds. They might stay on my e-mail list. I might see them at a party in the future, completely accidentally. But I will not see them three times a week anymore. They will not be ever present in my life. Which makes me unspeakably sad. I'll try to say in touch and they might, too, but I'm guessing it just won't happen. It will be like all other shows in that respect.

Which means I have to savor these last six performances. Savor the time I get to spend working with these people. And I thank all of them for making this a wonderful theatrical experience for me. Thank you.

Rabbit rabbit.

The managing director of my theater company went into labor last night. I don't know if she's had the baby yet or not, but how exciting is that? She and her husband have been trying to have a baby for as long as I've known them, probably longer. And now they are going to have a little screaming, kicking, crying, cooing, loving bundle of joy. This child is going to be so loved. I can't wait to meet him/her!