Hey, kids.

Please promise me that whatever your plans are for the evening, that you will be safe. A safe new year is a happy new year. Or something like that.

I'll reminisce about the past year more later, but for now I'm just going to say that I very much enjoy being in New York, I like the people here, and I am, by choice, 800 miles away from at least some of the people I would most like to spend New Year's Eve with. Don't get me wrong -- I'm with a whole bunch of people I love hanging out with and I'm glad I'm here for New Year's Eve. But I can think of at least one person, 800 miles away who I really wish was here. Oh well.

Have a safe and happy new year!

No matter where you are, no matter what you are doing, there is always a lot more to the world around you than what you see immediately in front of your face.

And the little counter on my blog thingy will still say I have 1,157 entries.

So I'm reading this book about female anatomy and it is completely...entertaining. It's not overly clinical or overly glibb. It's really well written and entertaining. But it is, of course, making me think about my own female body. I wrote a really cheesy song yesterday that includes some bits about my body. I'm growing to love it more and more, but I still have a long way to go. I think the first step in it might be retiring my green corduroy pants. Not because I don't love them anymore -- I do, very much. But because they have so many holes in them it is rather indecent to wear them in public anymore. And as much as I would like to be able to replace them, I'd kind of like to replace them with pants that fit and make me look like a girl. Like the ones I'm wearing today. They are still big on me, thanks to the recent weight loss, but more flattering. More shapely. More...girlish.

I guess what I'm getting at is that I'm working really hard on not resenting being a girl anymore. I don't think that's a good way to go through life. And I'm actually starting to see a little progress in that arena, too. Possibly nothing permanent, but it's a start.

And now I'm off to have lunch at Moby's restaurant with my lawyer friend. Yay!

I love New York. Once again, when I got here, I got this feeling like I was home. It just feels good to be here.

I went to an open mic tonight with my lovely hostess. There were some mic problems because I forgot to bring my pick up, so I did a kind of crappy version of "Allowed." But then, since we each got to do two songs, I played my little acapella pseudo-soul tune and it went over like gangbusters. People really liked it. Including this cute bald guy whose music I really enjoyed. As I was leaving, I went to tell him that I loved his songs, but he beat me to the punch, saying he really enjoyed my second song. I'm glad it was dark or I would have been blushing.

So yeah, I love New York.

But I keep forgetting to tell you about my "I'm a dumbass" moment that I had earlier this week. I've lived in my apartment for four and a half years. For that whole time, the window above my back door has been open. I have tried repeatedly to close it, usually when the infamous Chicago winter sets in. It has never closed for me. I always thought it was because they painted it open -- it's one of those windows that has a long bar on the one side that you push up to close the window, or pull down to open it. I thought it had been painted over so many times in the open position that it was just permanently painted open. Until this past week. I tried once again to push up on the bar to no avail. Until I pinched together these two little metal tabbies, at which point, the window shut as easily as a knife goes through Jell-o. So yeah, I'm a dumbass, but maybe my apartment will stay a little warmer this winter.

Merry Christmas.

By which, I do not mean to offend anyone who does not celebrate Christmas. I mean simply to share a piece of my life with all of you. Whatever holiday you choose to celebrate, I hope it is a happy one for you. I celebrate Christmas, so I am going to wish all of you a merry Christmas.

It was a long day and a half for me. A lot happened, but I don't really want to get into all of it right now. I have to finish my laundry and clean up my house and get ready to go to New York tomorrow, but The Sound of Music is on television right now, so the temptation to just sit and watch it is almost overwhelming. I have about a quarter of a cheesecake to eat, too, so it doesn't sit and rot in my fridge while I'm gone. But probably the most exciting bit is that one of my debts is paid off. I can't tell you the weight lifted from my shoulders. It hasn't fully sunken in yet, and probably won't until I get my next paycheck and have that much more of it to do with as I please, but it still feels pretty darn good.

So I hope you all had a lovely Christmas, whether you celebrate it or not. I gotta go put stuff in the dryer. Merry Christmas.

Two main points to make today, though neither one is of any specific interest.

1) I make DAMN good cookies. Yes, I follow other people's recipes, but they turn out so well. I like baking.

2) I had kind of forgotten how much I love and admire and respect Tim Curry until I saw a picture of him in the Reader last night. He is not, in any way, an attractive looking man. Sorry, hon, but you're not. But this picture was smoking. So sexy. And to know what kind of talent lies beneath...I'm kind of bummed that I have rehearsal the same night that I am going to see him in Spamalot because it means I won't be able to camp outside the theater afterwards and try to meet him. I'd just like to shake his hand and tell him I think he was wonderful in Clue and Kinsey. No, I would not mention Rocky Horror to him because I know he is sick of that. But I'd like to shake his hand and tell him that he is amazing nonetheless. Go pick up a copy of the December 17th Reader (if you can still find one) and take a look at the picture. It's electric.

That's it. I told you it wasn't anything exciting. I'm gearing up for Christmas and my trip to New York. I burned myself four CDs full of music that I am enjoying right now so I can hate all of it by the time I get back. I baked a lot last night and have one more batch of cookies to go. I'm getting nervous about shaving my head and almost think I should just do it now and get it over with. Why is it that people keep saying, "I hope it grows back the same way?" Why wouldn't it? I'm not getting gene therapy; I'm getting a haircut. Anyway. And is there a certain length that hair has to be in order to donate it to the place that makes wigs for cancer patients? Because I do have really beautiful hair...

I'm just rambling now. Happy Thursday, everyone. Be good to each other.

So I'm in full-on panic mode today, about Christmas and about my trip to New York.

What if I didn't get enough presents for people?
What if someone got me a present and I didn't get them one?
What if I don't bring enough warm clothing with me and I spend a week freezing my ass off?
What if I forget to bring something?

I know that these are all, in their own way, minor problems. The gifts that I have for my family are things that I believe they will enjoy and things that I want them to have. If someone got me something and I didn't get them anything...it's not really that big of a deal. It's happened before. And I've given gifts to people with nothing to give me, so it's really not a "thing." Most of the people I know are broke anyway, so we go out and spend time together instead and call it a day. And if I find myself freezing my ass off the whole time I'm in New York...well, I'm pretty sure they have stores there where I could buy another sweater, if need be. And if I forget to bring something...once again, they have stores in New York. I'll get by. I guess I'm most concerned about forgetting to bring enough music or food with me for the drive. But I'll be okay, even if I do forget those things. One thing I have learned from my life is that I will always be okay. I will always get by.

Doesn't mean I won't panic from time to time. I have a lot of baking to do between now and Friday...

In less than a week, I'll be in New York.

One week from tomorrow, I have a lunch date with a friend of mine at Teany.

In just over two weeks, a whole new year will begin.

I'm enjoying watching the sun come up in the morning, although I'm not enjoying waking up in the dark.

I'm enjoying watching the sun set as I drive home.

I've noticed that I have become a very bitter person with a tendency to snap at people and I don't like that. As much as I don't like New Year's resolutions, I think my resolution this year will to be a nicer person. A calmer person. The sort who just kind of lets things bounce off. The sort who doesn't lose her temper because nothing causes her temper to rise. The sort who deals with stress much better.

I'm glad that I have a couple weeks off of Floss! because it means I can paint my nails.

I'm excited to get my new shoes. I hope they get here before I leave for New York.

Fucknut is still alive and doing well. And I should be getting my tattoo designs soon.

My fingers hurt and are all caloused and ugly from playing the guitar so much, but I love to play.

It's only hair. It grows back.

Within the year 2005, I will eliminate one of my debts.

Things are looking up for me. I guess sometimes it takes a little breakdown to be able to see that. Let all of the negative out so there is room for more positive. And I am surrounded by positive.

I can't wait to go to New York next week.

Okay, see that little link over on the side that says "wonderful online vegan store?" Yeah. Go click on that. Buy stuff from them. Even if you're not vegan, buy stuff from them. They are truly a wonderful business. I love the people who work there.

I told you I ordered some shoes from them a while back that were on backorder. Well, it seems that they have finally come in. But since the time I ordered the shoes and now, the credit card I had put them on expired. So I got a very friendly little e-mail asking me to please call them, and it was signed by an actual person. So I called and got to speak to an actual person who was probably the most pleasant person I've ever gotten to deal with in any customer service department anywhere. She was courteous and sweet and knew what she was doing and within minutes, my card was updated, the order processed, and theoretically, my shoes will be sent to me today. Meaning it is entirely possible I will have them in time for my New York trip.

I had a dream last night about my shoes. I was so happy walking around in them.

So hooray for the wonderful online vegan store. I will continue to send them business for years to come, just because I think they know how to actually run a business. I think we should all support places like that.

And I know it's distasteful to boast, but I now have four songs in the top 25 acoustic numbers on 15 Megs of Fame. And "Allowed" moved up 10 places to #55 in the top 100 songs on the whole site.

That site is simultaneously going to be amazing for and completely detrimental to my ego.

I feel like I should talk about the Christmas season and how much it irritates me, but instead, I think I'll talk about the super uber freezing cold weather we're having and how much that irritates me. There is very little that I like less than I like being cold. Being cold sucks. Walking outside and losing your breath because the arctic air steals it from you is not pleasant. I'm ready for summer.

I think that once one comes to terms with the fact that that's how things are, one is much happier than one was when one wanted to fight that fact. They key is the actual "coming to terms" part. It's a lot harder than it sounds.

I used to be really resentful of the fact that I am smart because it made me different from everyone else. In a way, I think that's why I went to college where I did and why I studied what I did. IQ wasn't really a factor hanging out with the theater people. We were all on the same page. We were all artists and everyone's opinion was equally valid. Didn't matter that I graduated from high school with honors and some of them just barely eeked through. I got to be "normal" for a little while.

That has kind of carried over into my current life. I don't walk around with a degree pinned to my shoulder, letting everyone know how many A's I've gotten in my life. I don't spout wisdom, hoping people will take note and look up to me as a great intellect. Okay, well, this blog is excluded from that statement. I'd like to think I'm rather unassuming. It's always fun to tell someone who only knows me in a creative capacity that I am a paralegal during the day. I know they were expecting me to say waitress or something. They never know how to take that.

But part of me thinks it is time to stop being resentful of the fact that I am smart. My brain gets me into and out of a lot of really interesting situations. If I'm handed something unfamiliar, I can figure it out fairly quickly and move it along to the next person who needs to touch it. That's a skill. I'm a smart cookie and I should embrace that. Also because I'm getting tired of feeling dumb when I'm surrounded by people talking about malpractice or insurance or whatnot. The only reason I don't know about those things is because nobody ever taught me. I'm sure if I had a crash course in it, I'd be just as good at it as anyone else. Because I am a smart cookie. That's a good thing.

Oh.

My.

God.

I love this new play I'm in!

First of all, I want to apologize for the distasteful ranting nature of this post. There might be a couple of you out there reading this who really wanted to be in the show, too, but were not cast and for that, I apologize. But I am so so so so so so so so so glad I freed up my schedule so that I could do this show. SO glad. And I'm so perfectly cast, too. I can't wait to jump into this character. To live her. Breathe her. Justify her every thought, her every movement. She's great. The rest of the cast is wonderful, too. We had a really great energy at the read through last night, so I'm really looking forward to working with all of those people. And I'm really looking forward to working with this director. I think this one might actually push me.

This is also going to sound distasteful, but I'm going to talk about it for a minute anyway. I don't know how many of you have ever rehearsed a play before, but usually when you get there, the first few rehearsals deal with blocking (where you enter from, when you move and to where, etc.) and then you start just running scenes. The director might stop you in the middle and ask you to do something else, or he/she may save all comments until the end and give them all to everyone in one fell swoop. One swell poop. The majority of the directors I have worked with don't have notes for me at the end of the night. Nothing positive, nothing negative. Most directors will tell you that they don't dole out praise -- if they don't say anything, it means you're doing a good job. And while I probably should take some comfort in the fact that not getting notes means that the director likes what I'm doing, it also means the director doesn't have any new suggestions for me. Doesn't want me to try anything else. Has no new ideas. Or, worst of all, isn't paying attention to what I'm doing. Granted, I'm often a character actor, meaning "not the focal point." But you would think that in at least one rehearsal, the director would watch the characters and make comments or suggestions. This very seldom happens for me. But I'm hoping (perhaps against hope, but maybe not) that this particular director will have comments and suggestions and criticisms and notes for me. It already sounds like he's going to meet perhaps one on one with each actor to do character stuff. Yay! A challenge! An opportunity to grow and play! An opportunity to play something other than a characture of an existing person! Yay!

So I'm really excited for this show. And all of you should come see it. For real. It's funny and entertaining and will only get better as we actually rehearse it. Opens in February, so keep an eye out.

And I worked for it. And I got it. And I couldn't be happier. YAYAYAYAYAY!!!

I know that the election is over and there is nothing we can do about the outcome, but I would still encourage all of you to see the documentary "Bush's Brain." It's kind of frightening.

Holy crap. I now have three songs in the top 20 acoustic songs on 15 Megs of Fame (the "rate me!" link), and one in the top 100 songs on the site. The top 100 includes all genres. "Allowed" is number 65. Not too shabby. It's also #9 in the top 25 acoustic songs. "Mona Lisa" and "The Simple Answer" are numbers 16 and 19, I think. Holy crap.

You know what I was saying the other day about working for everything I have achieved? I was talking to my mom about that the other day and we're kind of curious to see just how far you can take something like that. I'm gonna go for it. I'm going to see how far I can push this music thing. It may take a while, but if I keep at it, who knows what can happen, right? Holy crap. I have three songs in the top 20. I kind of feel like I need to say thank you to my friend who told me to record "Allowed" in the first place, for waking me up to the fact that people like to listen to my music. Thank you. If it wasn't for that conversation, I'd probably just still be playing for my cat in my living room and nothing else. So thank you.

You know, about ninety five percent of the things I have gotten in my life, or the things that have happened to me, I have worked my ass off to achieve. Everything from graduating with the kind of grades I had to every role I have gotten to scoring gigs at random places. I work really hard to make good things happen in my life. And it is exhausting. Honestly. In "Mona Lisa," I ask, "Am I wasting time being persistent?" I think it's a valid question. To work so hard for little baby steps...it's hard. Really hard. But every once in a while, for something that I really want, I stick a hand out and reach for it and it gets a little closer. And I'm reminded that all of it is worth something. If I didn't work so hard, if I didn't try, I'd never achieve any of the things that are so important to me. I'm not sure where I get the strength or confidence to try, but I'm glad I have it. Because it's not worth having if it's not worth fighting for.

All I really want for Christmas is to go to New York and have fun with my friends. I'm guessing I may have to go to Minnesota to say goodbye to my Grandmother. She's not doing well. She hasn't been doing well for years, but even she says she doesn't think she'll make it to Christmas. She is 92 or 93 years old and her body is just giving out. It's had a good run and she says she's tired, so I guess when she's ready to go, it's okay that she goes. Doesn't mean it won't make me sad.

I wish I knew her better. Part of it is because she lived so far away, so I only got to see her about once a year as a child. And part of it is because that side of the family just doesn't talk about those things, you know? Conversation is kept at a surface level. I remember a couple of years ago, I told my Grandma that I was getting into swing dancing and she said she used to do that when she was younger, too. How I would have loved to hear those stories! But in such a group setting, the conversation was quickly turned to someone else's current career move or something like that. I just got these little glimmers of what my Grandma must have been like as a young woman and of who she really was. It's sad that most of that didn't get out until much later in her life. Speak up, people! Let the world know who you are! Don't wait until you're so old that all you can do is sit in a chair and watch birds all day.

I know you don't read this, Grandma, but I want you to know that I love you very much. The little pieces of you that I got to see over the years are very precious to me. You are a wonderful, beautiful, very loving woman and you will be horribly missed. Say hi to Grandpa for me and tell him I love him, too.

I love you, Grandma.

Over on 15 Megs of Fame (the "rate me!" link over on the left there), "Mona Lisa" is in the top 25 acoustic songs! Granted, it's #25, but it's in the top 25 acoustic songs on the site! Sweet!

Go over there and rate my songs more. Let's see if we can't get another one in there, or bump "Mona Lisa" up on the charts. Says Kitty, the Chart Whore.

Man, I'm flying after my show last night. I don't know why. It was a good show. The crowd was mostly my friends. But I just feel good about it. I feel like I played all songs that I wanted to play, not necessarily songs that other people would want me to play that I was just playing to humor them, you know? And yeah, I screwed up a bunch of times, but it was fine. There was much applause and laughter and mirth. And a ten dollar bill in the tip jar, that I have no idea who it came from. None of my friends, as near as I can tell. And the really weird part is that the venue paid me, too. I wasn't expecting that. When the guy booked me, he said they'd put out a tip jar and that was fine with me. But the woman working there last night called her boss to see what she should pay me. Granted, this was all news to the boss, too, so I felt a little weird taking it, but she insisted. I would have been happy to play either way. Honestly. Sure, it would be nice to get paid to make music, but I just want to play. I just want a venue in which to play. I love the feeling of holding a guitar. I love singing really loud. I love banging out the chords until it feels like the guitar is going to break. I love looking out at my audience and seeing them sing along or smile at their favorite part of a song or tap their feet. I just love to play. Getting paid for it is a bonus and it felt a little weird. But yeah, last night was a good night. And my little R&B-ish song...I love singing that one. I think it's a keeper.

So the general consensus seems to be that yes, I can sing an acapella R&B soul-ish song. And man, did it feel good to sing it in public. I wanna do it again.

And apparently, I have a theme song now...

Truth be told, I'm nervous about my show tonight. Maybe because it's a different venue. Maybe because I'm planning on doing a slightly more mellow set than I have in the past. Maybe because, theoretically, there will be people there who have not seen me play before. Maybe because I don't know how many people are coming and I hope there is space for everyone. Or, conversely, I hope I'm not playing to an empty room. I have not yet decided what I'm going to wear. I have not yet finished my set list. And the worst part is it's rainy and icky out today and I had forgotten what a pain in the ass bangs are when it's rainy and icky outside, so no matter what I wear, I'll probably look like crap.

On the up side, someone who just recently purchased a copy of my demo said it should have a warning label on it that says, "CAUTION: MORE ADDICTIVE THAN CRACK COCAINE AND TWICE AS FUN." That kind of made my day. And I have another online site up to host some of my songs and thus far, the response there has been pretty positive, too. I uploaded "Allowed" yesterday and it has already been downloaded 6 times. So it's going to be a bad hair day today, but hopefully a good music day. I just have to remember to relax and have fun. I like to play. That's the important part. If I'm having fun, other people will enjoy the show. Right?

So after about a week of not really eating, partially because I had nothing good in my house to eat and partially because I had no appetite, I did a lot of cooking last night and stocked my house with yummy vegan treats. Which I will tell you more about in a second, after I post this little disclaimer:

The not eating thing. No, I have not suddenly become anorexic. I have been drinking a lot of green tea (because I like it) and I think it has shrunken my stomach. I just can't eat as much as I used to. And, I'm actually listening to my body when it says, "You're full. You can stop eating now," as opposed to plowing through that to finish everything on my plate like I used to. So yeah, I am, in general, eating less. And then for the last week or so, nothing has sounded good. I haven't wanted to eat. Which is a little disturbing from my perspective because I'm always hungry and/or ready, willing, and able to eat. So to not want to eat anything...it's been weird. I don't think my body likes that very much because my stomach was making all kinds of weird noises last night that they could probably hear across the hall, so it's not something I plan on continuing. And even though nothing has sounded good, I have still been eating at least a little something a couple of times a day. I'm not stupid. I'm not starving myself. But I do think I've lost a little weight. Actually, I know I have because I'm wearing my Holland pants today and they're fitting a little looser than they normally do. The pants I wore yesterday were loose, too. But I just want you all to know that this is a temporary thing. I expect my appetite to come back in full force very soon and when it does, I will be completely at it's mercy. It's not an eating disorder. It's a lack of appetite. No real cause for alarm.

Anyway, so I cooked a lot yesterday. I made one of my world famous giant salads that will keep me in fresh veggies for the next week. I cooked a tofurkey, which, as we all know, is one of the greatest food products ever invented. I promised a slice to one of my cast mates and it will be a challenge for me to keep it for him until Wednesday. And I kind of went overboard with the veggies that I cooked with the tofurkey -- a parsnip, half a red pepper, a yellow squash, red onion, a couple of mushrooms, and some fresh ginger -- but they are so yummy. And to top it all off, I baked a vegan chocolate cake with blackberry filling. Because sometimes it's just nice to have cake in the house. So I'm all stocked up and ready to have a feast. Here's hoping I feel like eating some of it in the near future...

I love rediscovering movies that are awesome that I haven't watched in a million years. I'm watching "Reservior Dogs" right now. I love this film. You can say whatever the fuck you want about Quentin Tarantino, he made a quality film when he made this one. He could not have asked for a better cast. He could not have written a better script about this kind of a situation. He could not have asked for a better soundtrack. This film is brilliant and I don't care what you say. Fuck, just watch Steve Buscemi through the whole thing. Just watch Tim Roth. Just watch Harvey Keitel. This is some beautiful film making. And I haven't watched it in years. Shame on me.

Go back through your you movie colletion. Pull out the first film that you ever bought and watch it. You'll remember why you bought it and you will pat yourself on the back for buying it. It's like visitng an old friend. I love it that movies can do that.

I kind of feel like things are back to some sort of status quo. I'm back to my routines and I'm back to my single, isolated life. It sounds really sad when I say it out loud, but it's really not. I have a lot of wonderful things in my life. And my isolation is a conscious choice. If I try to explain it, I'll sound really sad and pathetic and psychologically screwed up and maybe it is, but it's okay and it keeps me content.

I'm looking forward to things. I'm feeling good about me and my physical appearance. I'm feeling good about my talents. I'm still kind of in denial that it is the holiday season, but that happens every year. And at least I'm not getting depressed. I'm still on the right path to where I need to go and I'll get there some day.

And I will bring unto you good news of great joy that will be to all people. And some that that will be only to me. And that news is:

Moby is releasing another album on March 22.

I am going to New York later this month.

These two things are bringing me so much joy right now that I don't care that I feel like crap or only got two hours of sleep last night. More yummy Moby goodness. Time to spend with wonderful friends who I haven't seen in a long time. What more could a girl want?

One of my other cast mates was asking me about my musical background the other night and thinking about it, it's kind of odd. I have formal training on piano, violin and clarinet and I only marginally remember how to play them. I remember how they work and how to play them and stuff, but if you were to put a violin in my hands, I wouldn't remember how to play a single song on it. It takes me quite a bit of futzing to improvise something on my clarinet (though I still sound better than Ferris Bueller). I have no formal training on the guitar, but I play it all the time. I love it. I love holding a guitar, I love playing random "chords," with no idea of what they are, searching for the sound I want. I have taken my guitar all over the world with me so I can always be playing it.

I just think it's funny that after four years of piano lessons, three years of violin lessons, and four years of playing the clarinet, the instrument that stuck is the guitar.

I think my favorite part of this holiday show I'm in is that I get to play my guitar. I get to have it with me at the theater and I play a little bit down in the dressing room before the show. Last night, one of my cast mates harmonized with me on "The Boxer." Another cast mate keeps requesting "Black Market White Baby Dealer." I just love making music. I like playing songs that people like to hear. No, I'm not going to start learning all of the songs that every other cover band in the world knows. I think the charm of my covers is that they are good songs that people like, but have forgotten about, you know? When I started playing "The Boxer," the cast mate who keeps requesting "Black Market White Baby Dealer" just about melted. It was as if he hadn't heard the song in years, but it reminded him of his childhood or something. He couldn't make himself leave the room until the song was over. He tried, but had to come back and keep listening. I love that. I love that music can do that. I love making music.

Though my other favorite part of the holiday show is a song parody that I don't really get to sing. It's so twisted and wrong. I love it. Come see the show and you'll know of what I speak. It's funny.

But yeah, I love getting to play my guitar every night. And I've got a couple of gigs coming up in the near future, too, so I'll get to play even more. I honestly think one of the greastest gifts you can give someone is the ability to make their own music. Be it a guitar and lessons or a triangle or a tin whistle or voice lessons or whatever, it doesn't matter. The ability and means to make music are so precious. When I have kids, I will sing to them and play for them and help them learn whatever instrument they want to learn. I kind of hope I have a tuba player. And maybe an oboe player. I'd like my kids to play interesting instruments, but I'll be just as thrilled if they want to do guitar or piano or percussion. I'll be a little sad if they don't want to make any music at all, but I'll deal with it. Because I can still sing to them and play my guitar.

Rabbit rabbit. Holy crap, it's December.

So I've been in a funk and I've been sad and hurty as of late and I'm getting tired of it. I was thinking for a while there that what would make it all better would be if my shoes showed up. I ordered myself some cute vegan sneakers about two months ago that have been on back order forever and I'd really like them to show up sometime soon. They're really cute -- they look like Converse low tops. Black with white toes. And I've been looking forward to getting them for, well, two months. Alas, they are not here yet and the place I ordered them from isn't sure when they'll be coming in. Even they said they expected them to be in by now and they're not sure what the problem is. I'm okay with waiting for them, but I thought that coming home to a brand new pair of cute sneakers might make me feel better. No such luck.

Instead, I made a very healthy, informed decision to go to New York. Road trip! Yes, it is a long drive, but it will be so worth it. As soon as I decided that I was going, my spirits lifted through the ceiling. I'm so excited to see my friends out there. I'm so excited to eat at Teany. I'm so excited to take a road trip. I've never been to New York in the winter and what a perfect time to do it. Right around the holidays so there's lots to do. I might even bug my hostess (my wonderful, beautiful hostess who I can't wait to see) to go skating with me, even though I haven't ice skated in years. But she has the whole week off, too, so we can just bum around New England and have fun. I'm so excited. The best thing you can do for yourself when you're sad and hurty is treat yourself to something you really love. I really love to travel. I really love New York. I really love my friends out there. So I'm treating myself to a trip. I can't wait!