March 16 - Thought

I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be "normal."

It's probably better for everyone involved that I'm not.

March 15 - Tips

If you are driving, and approaching an intersection, and there is not enough space on the other side of the intersection for your car, DO NOT GO THROUGH THE INTERSECTION.

I cannot stress this enough. If there is no space for you, I don't care what color the light is, don't go.

As much as we would like to think driving is a personal experience, it is not. It is a shared experience. As a driver, you have to share the road with other cars, bicyclists, pedestrians, construction crews, and occasionally wildlife. The best way to keep things running smoothly for everyone is if everyone works together to keep things running smoothly. This means if there is no space for you, don't go. If you go, you'll end up filling space that should rightfully go to someone else, so they'll honk and get irritated and the people in front of you will try to inch up because they feel bad that you're being a dick but they've go nowhere to go so they get impatient, or you'll move into the bike lane preventing cyclists from going on about their day and they'll yell nasty epithets at you, and the people in the houses and businesses around the intersection will have to listen to the honking and the yelling which disrupts their day, so really all you're doing by going through the intersection when there is no space for you on the other side is being a dick. And as our beloved Wil Wheaton says, "Don't be a dick."

So listen to Wil Wheaton* and the transitive property. If you go through an intersection when there is no space for you on the other side, you fuck things up for everyone else; fucking things up for everyone else is something a dick would do; so by going through an intersection when there is no space for you on the other side you're being a dick. Q.E.D.

Don't be a dick. Wait until there is space before you proceed.

*This message has not been endorsed or approved by Wil Wheaton in any way.

March 14 - Project Runway

I've been watching a ridiculous amount of Project Runway lately. I'm addicted. I guess it's not too shocking, given my background as a seamstress and costume designer; I'm mostly surprised it took me this long to get into the show. Why was I avoiding watching it? I absolutely adore Tim Gunn now. Adore him. And I love the show.

That being said, there was one contestant who set my teeth on edge. Not for the reasons you might think, either. He wasn't one of the loud ones or the obnoxious in-your-face ones who everyone ends up hating. He was quiet and reserved and had an interesting sense of style. But in one episode, he complained that he couldn't work with his model because her breasts were too big. He said he doesn't like it when women have breasts because it messes up the line of his garment.

What. The. Fuck.

We're supposed to apologize for our anatomy because it makes it hard for designers to dress us? I hate to lower myself to base insults, but "fuck you" is honestly the most appropriate answer in this situation. Fuck you. If you don't like designing for women because they're too curvy for your lines, don't design for women! Design for men who are more angular!

What's really funny about this contestant is that a couple episodes after he said that, we find out he is primarily a menswear designer in an episode where the challenge was menswear-centered. And he complained that his guy was too big! He flat out said to the man's face, "You're big," and not in the good way. He ended up dressing this sort of retro rocker dude in a very feminine shirt and ill-fitting trousers that had no place on a rock and roll stage. When the judges critiqued his outfit, he complained again that the guy was too big and was bigger than his mannequin. You know what? Pad the mannequin! Tape some muslin around the chest so you get an idea of what you're working with and do your freaking job. If your entire design aesthetic is dependent upon dressing boy-shaped woman and prepubescent men, maybe high fashion design shouldn't be your thing. You have to learn to adapt and change with the times and honey, normal sized women are making a comeback.

As I said, I love the show. I'm annoyed I don't have access to some of the earlier seasons. But I think this contestant embodies what is wrong with the fashion industry. Not all women are that small. Not all women are A cups with no hips. Not all men are bean poles. Not all men are super crazy muscular. If the fashion schools are cranking out students who don't know what to do when confronted with breasts or a beer gut, this crazy social pressure to look a certain way is never going to change. As long as the impossible (or impossible for the majority of the population) is considered the ideal, we'll never figure out what normal is and we'll never learn to love ourselves as we are.

All the more reason I want Project Runway contestants to design something for me some day. Wouldn't that be an awesome challenge?

March 14 - Pi Pie

Happy Pi Day!

My cup-pies (if I can borrow the phrase from Pushing Daisies) turned out thusly. I learned that if you're making mini pies, the ratio of crust to filling dictates you should only make about half of a filling recipe. Pie crust dough does not take to multiple rollings out as nicely as sugar cookie dough, but it is not terrible, either. And I probably should have used the lime juice instead of second guessing myself on the tangy element.

But all in all, they're tasty little pies. They go well with ice cream. The crust is flaky and delicious, and the blackberry color is amazing. I think this pie would get me into the next challenge, though it would not be the winning pie.

Then again, is any pie ever really a losing pie? It's pie, for crying out loud!

Happy Pi Day!

March 13 - Experimenting

So I'm experimenting with pie this evening. Tomorrow is the geeky favorite holiday, Pi Day, because on this side of the pond, we write the date 3/14. So I thought I would make pie to celebrate, with the ventilation holes cut in the shape of the Pi symbol. Geeky, right?

I'm putting way too much thought into this and way too much pressure on myself. I think I've decided to do cup-pies (like cupcakes, but pie), and I'm adapting a filling recipe in a couple different ways (different tangy elements, different sugars) and I'm freaking myself out because oh my god what if I don't make the world's best pie and what if the filling is too sweet and what if I cook them too long cuz they're mini-sized and the recipe is for full sized pie and AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

When the truth of the matter is, it's pie. That I may or may not share with other people. And I like sweet things. If they're awful, I don't have to eat them. And I can change my mind and just make one large pie if I want to. I think I've made a strong berry choice, I know the crust is good (I've used this recipe before), and I got vanilla ice cream to drown out any imperfections.

I think I've been watching too much Project Runway.

March 12 - Stress

It's funny how we all hold on to stress the way we do, almost like we'd fall apart if we didn't have stress holding us up. It manifests in tight shoulders, stiff necks, sleepless nights, ulcers, strained relationships, all sorts of ways. And you can go get a massage to try to relieve some of the stress, but people often find themselves just as sore afterward as they were when they went in, or they get stressed out about the fact that they wore out the massage therapists hands with the giant knots in their back, and the cycle starts all over. Why do we love stress so desperately? Why is it so hard to let it go?

There was an element of my life that was stressing me out quite a bit for the past couple of months, but that element is now finished, part of the past. I've moved on to a new project and didn't realize until I got my first bit of feedback on this new project that I was still stressed out about the bit that was over. I was afraid it would go the same way, it would make me feel the same way, people would have the same reaction. This new project has received a much more positive reaction than the last one, and I find myself finally breathing deeper. Relaxing my face without having to consciously remind myself to relax my face. Letting my shoulders sit where they want to instead of right at the base of my earlobes. It feels foreign but beautiful.

So what is it about stress? Why do we hold onto it weeks longer than we need to? Is it a comforting thing, a security blanket?

I would like to find a different security blanket. Maybe pie. Mmmm...pie blanket...

March 11 - The Great and Powerful Oz

I don't normally do movie reviews, but I do feel like I need to say a few things about Oz the Great and Powerful, which I saw last night with some friends. There may be spoilers, I haven't decided yet, so if you've not seen it and want to be surprised, you might want to stop reading now and come back tomorrow. Then again, there isn't a whole lot to give away, so it may not matter.

First, some background. I have not read Mr. Baum's books. I know I should have, or maybe I read Return to Oz when I was really young, but I don't really remember it. My most outstanding memories of this franchise have to do with the the original Wizard of Oz film with Judy Garland. I was obsessed with this film as a child, to the point where I told a random woman in the grocery store who came up and asked what my name was that I was Dorothy Gale from Kansas when I was about three. I had a little wooden toy dog with wheels instead of legs that I would drag around behind me who was, of course, named Toto even though he looked nothing like Toto. And I was devastated every year when the Easter basket had to go back into the attic for storage because it was a necessary prop for my Wizard of Oz games. I love the Wizard of Oz. I know all of the music. I know most of the dialogue by heart. I do killer impressions of the Lullaby League and the Lollipop Guild. I was upset when we did a version of it in junior high and I was only in the chorus. We did a Wizard of Oz tap dance number when I was about six and I was annoyed that I was a Tin Man instead of Dorothy (though looking back, the Tin Man costumes were the best ones). I cannot imagine my childhood without the Wizard of Oz, so I was very much looking forward to Oz the Great and Powerful, and I was very much ready to suspend my disbelief and journey back to Oz.

That said, there were things that I loved about this film and things that I wish had been done better.

First off, I loved the production design. I feel like it stayed true to the designs of the original film so locations were easily recognizable and characters were recognizable and whatnot, but it still brought in some modern flare so it didn't feel like an exact copy. The colors were gorgeous. The costumes were lovely. The film started out in black and white (as did the original), and in a smaller frame - a more square picture that didn't fill the entire movie screen. The transition from that to the full screen full color world of Oz was beautifully done. Absolutely beautiful. There are two main CGI characters in Oz who were also beautifully done (most of the time) and some of the most sympathetic characters in the film.

Where the production design bothered me, though, was in this one little tendril of hair Glinda had sticking out from her crown - why? What was the point of this? - and in the Wicked Witch herself. I wanted more. I wanted uglier. I wanted scarier. Sam Raimi made this a 3D film and took full advantage of opportunities to scare the audience by using big in your face moments. Yes, her chin is a little pointy. Yes, her nose is a little pointy. Yes, she's green. But she's still Mila Kunis. She's still gorgeous. And that face screaming in the audience's face isn't nearly the stuff of nightmares that the original Wicked Witch was. Which I think speaks a bit to the performance, as well. Once she turns green, she mostly just shouts. She's not cunning, she's not sneaky, she's not...wicked. She just shouts. And, as I have said before in regard to Doctor Who, you can stand and face the Daleks, or you can STAND AND FACE THE DALEKS. This Wicked Witch stood and faced the Daleks, so to speak. Even her evil sister (Rachel Weisz) didn't come off as all that evil. Maybe because we never found out what their actual plan was, other than kill Glinda. We know they had killed in the past; we know they want to get rid of Glinda. Maybe it is because the film is PG, they couldn't go really dark and evil with these characters, but wanting to murder a rival is...tired. Unless it's for some really dark, new, interesting reason. But there was no real reason presented other than maybe that they just didn't like her.

There are those who will say, "But the evil witches wanted control of the Emerald City!" So did Glinda! So did Oz! And when he visits the Emerald City (which is under Evanora's rule (sort of - she's looking after it in the absence of any real authority figure)) toward the beginning of his adventures in Oz, the City doesn't look to be doing too badly. Nothing is falling apart. The citizens don't appear to be suffering. We find out later that the Wicked Witch has destroyed China Town, but I don't know. I didn't see any motivations for any of that, and I didn't seen enough just plain evil in the portrayal of either evil witch.

Speaking of China Town, the little China girl is adorable. So beautifully done and so sympathetic. So full of pure, good intentions, and also a strong female character which is that much more fun because she is made of China. My only issue with her is that she is CGI and I don't think the actors who had to interact with her were given anything with which they could simulate interacting with her. For instance, when Naomi Watts had to be picked up by King Kong in King Kong, they built a big green screen hand to surround her so when she was pounding on King Kong's fist to let her go, there was something actually there for her to hit. When James Franco and Michelle Williams had to pick up the China girl, they looked like they were mimicking picking something up that they didn't know how big or heavy it was supposed to be. Which is unfortunate. Were it not for the real actor's inability to interact with the China girl, she would have been one of the most alive characters on screen.

You could see there were other moments where the live action actors were uncomfortable, too, in some of the green screen work and some of the wire work. In what I'm guessing is the first scene Rachel Weisz shot on wires, she is supposed to lift off the ground in a terrifying moment of power. Her face tells a very different story, like she's terrified the wires are going to snap or she's going to vomit. It's hard to be intimidating when you're petrified. Similarly, Glinda is being tortured at one point, to the point where I'm presuming she should be near death, yet her "cries of agony" were more in line with someone who just stubbed her toe on an empty cardboard box. I'm not saying these moments had to be over the top campy scary. I'm saying as an audience member and an actor, I found myself wishing they had all raised the stakes three or four notches. The film would have been much more exciting if there was something behind these characters.

Which brings me to the Wizard himself. He's supposed to be a magician/swindler/ladies' man, and it is this fact that is supposed to be his undoing in Oz once those who have faith in him find out what he's really like. Thing is, what magician isn't a trickster? Magic is all about slight of hand and shifting focus and distraction and whatnot. So why is this such a tremendous source of shame? I don't think this painted him as the horrible human being we're supposed to find out that he is. He is a ladies' man, yes, who has apparently seduced (or tried to seduce) every woman in the circus with a music box gimmick that is more sad-trombone-comical than sleazy, and we see that he doesn't pay his assistant fairly, but he does pay him. We even see him performing a trick in Kansas, before getting to Oz, that inspires a young girl in a wheelchair to ask him to make her walk.  Knowing he can't do it, he refuses and does not take her parent's money. This makes him a bad guy how? He didn't take advantage of the vulnerable family. I guess I would have liked to see him be more of a swindler, more of a trickster so it's surprising and redemptive when he turns out to be helpful. If he's a basically good guy who has some flaws...where do you go with that? He's not bad enough for you to hate him, not good enough for you to sympathize with him. The way he is presented in the film, he's just afraid of commitment. Meh.

Now, keep in mind, this is based on a book which I have not read. Maybe that is how the story actually goes. As an actor and as a director, though, you can find the spaces between the lines to emphasize the points that need to come across in a story. And yes, this movie is PG so you're not going to go super crazy with it, but if they are going to make him a ladies' man, if they are going to make Theodora become the Wicked Witch because of an unrequited love/jealousy thing, if they are going to end the film with Oz hitting on Glinda, they could have raised the stakes in the portrayal of evil a little more. Hell, Maleficent was a scarier, more evil witch than either wicked witch in this movie and that film was rated G. Return to Oz scared the shit out of me as a kid and haunted me for years, and it's rated PG. I just think they could have done more here.

I liked that they used actors from Kansas to play characters in Oz, like they did in the original film. In the original film, though, it is implied that the whole thing is a dream Dorothy had after hitting her head during the tornado, which is why those characters look familiar. She realizes that there is no place like home and a beautiful lesson is learned. In Oz the Great and Powerful, he stays in Oz to be the Wizard - so what was the point behind this "double casting?" Is this also supposed to be a dream or a fantasy in his head from which he never wakes up? You get the lesson he learns from the China girl, but there isn't an over-arching message to the film. Unless it is that if you trick people, you can build a nice life for yourself. Or that maybe comas aren't such a bad way to go. Or something. I don't know. It was confused.

So yeah, the film has some problems. I loved the China girl. I loved Finley. I loved the colors and I loved (most of) Danny Elfman's music (surprise, surprise). The "battle" toward the end is clever and fun, and a really nice tribute to the original film. I love all of the little Easter eggs thrown in for true Wizard of Oz fans. I'm glad I saw it because it is a beautiful spectacle of a film. I hope that children these days still see the original Wizard of Oz before they see this one, though, or I am afraid they will never fall in love with the Land of Oz like I did when I was a kid. I would hate to deprive a child of the wonder that is the Land of Oz.

March 10 - In the Interim

I'm not going to lie - I've not been happy lately. I've been very unhappy lately. I know why I'm unhappy, and I know what needs to happen to not be unhappy anymore, and I have plans in the works to get there. But getting there takes time and I still have to function in the interim.

One manifestation of this unhappiness is that my head has been hurting for about a week, maybe more. This tension headache in my temples just won't go away, and being in pain all of the time is making me a not-fun person. When I went to buy some Tylenol yesterday, the woman behind me in line jumped to another register that called for the next person in line (who was actually the guy in front of me), and then gave me some sob story about how she was so sorry and she was out of it because of something to do with her husband and it was all I could do to not snap, "I don't need the full backstory. Just finish your transaction." And then when the cashier was ringing me up, he took a phone call at the same time and had me bag my own items because I brought my own bag. Now, I get that not everybody brings their own bags to the drug store, but when someone does, it doesn't mean the cashier is not allowed to touch that bag. When I'm taking care of payment, you can put the last couple things in the bag. That's okay. So I bag my items, wait for my receipt and walk away. The cashier, still on the phone, told me there was a coupon printing for me and I couldn't help it. I snapped, "I don't care," as I left the store.

Why did this interaction irritate me so much? Why did the prospect of a coupon push me over the edge? I'm not a rude person (generally), and I'm usually good at keeping my personal life and mood separate from my interactions with strangers. But what is happening to me that I snapped at a store clerk about a coupon? What the hell?

So I decided to go for a sort of minimalist if weekend. Aside from the trip to the drug store yesterday, I haven't left my apartment since I got home from rehearsal on Friday night. I'm burning a candle with soothing essential oils in it. I'm eating foods that make me feel good. And I'm watching a boatload of Project Runway. The unhappiness has to do with stress and a feeling of not being fulfilled in certain areas of my life, so I'm hoping a weekend of recharging and reminding myself to relax my face will help me through the next couple of weeks until the changes I am trying to make start becoming more real.

In the meantime, I apologize if I've snapped at you recently or if I've been less than cheery. Unless you deserved it. Then it was your fault.

Tee hee.

March 9 - Quiet

Today is a quiet day, an introvert day, but I still wanted to post, so I'm just going to present this assertion for consideration:

Conversation is not about sharing your stories. It is about inspiring other people to share theirs.

Discuss.

March 8 - Hi

Hi.

I have too many thoughts on too many topics and not enough focusing ability to make anything coherent about any of them at the moment, so I'm just going to say hi to you guys today.

Hi.

It looks like this blog has a decent number of visitors on a daily basis - it's pretty consistent - though there are no official subscribers as of yet. It looks like there are people from all over the world popping in, for which I can only say thank you.

Thank you.

And hi! If you want to leave a comment and introduce yourself or whatever, I'd love to meet you. If not, that's okay, too. But I think today is a day about you guys. Yes, I write for my own sake, but it is a very big warm fuzzy to know that you're reading. So thank you. That's it.

Enjoy your day!

March 7 - Too Many Clothes

I am wearing entirely too many pieces of clothing today in an effort to stay warm but also look cute and kind of girlie. I am wearing:

• Undergarments (top and bottom, and I think they even match today)
• Pantyhose
• Tights
• Socks (2)
• Boots (2)
• Spandex dress (to function as slip under...)
• Regular dress
• Sweater
• Watch
• Rings (2)
• Earrings (3)

And when I go outside, you can add

• Scarf
• Coat
• Gloves (2)

I am so ready for spring when the clothing list is undergarments, dress, shoes, rings, watch, earrings.

March 6 - Dreams

I've probably mentioned before that I have odd dreams, and that if I find myself going without dreams for very long, I start to feel...not quite right. Well, I had a dream last night that was chock full of odd, so I thought I would share.

At some point in my dream, I had to go on a date with Jason Sudeikis, who was eager to go on the date, but somehow not allowed to touch me. At all. So he kept his hands behind his back the whole time and also barely spoke. I ended up leaving the date (which involved a movie on a very large outdoor screen where everyone was sitting on those plastic garden chairs but Jason was sitting two rows behind me and several seats to the left) and the dream transitioned to a non-date time wherein I decided to order pizza for breakfast at 7am. The Pizza Hut was surprisingly crowded for 7am, and I was simultaneously glad I had worn my roller skates there for speed purposes, thrilled at how well I moved in my roller skates, and regretting the decision to wear skates because nobody else was and they were all looking at me funny. The woman behind me in line then said something along the lines of, "I don't know if anyone has ever told you this before, but you smell like several homeless people who haven't bathed in years," and the only retort I could come up with was something along the lines of, "I don't know if anyone has ever told you this before, but that was rude." And I got my pizza and roller skated home through grass and snow and puddles.

I woke up thinking I must really be in bad head space if the people in my dreams are flat out insulting me and I can't even stand up for myself.

So I wore a dress to work today. And treated myself to my favorite sandwich for lunch. And my plan is to get some exercise when I get home, because I need to find a way out of this negative head space and nobody else is going to do it for me.

Happy Wednesday, everybody.

March 5 - Hat Trick

Okay, I remember why I don't ride the bus now, especially in heavy traffic or inclement weather. The constant stop-go-stop-go triggers my seasick reflex. I don't know if I'm actually prone to seasickness; I don't think I've ever spent enough time on a boat to figure that out. But this is what I imagine that would feel like. Stomp on the gas to go two feet, stomp on the breaks. Inch forward at a light, start to gun it through an intersection, then wait for one last passenger. Play chicken with the cars in the other lane to see who's going to let the bus in so it can progress fifty feet to the next stop. It's wreaking havoc on my equilibrium and making me feel ill.

Here's hoping for a snow day tomorrow.

March 5 - Addendum

Of course, the annoying thing about taking the bus on a snowy day is that you have to stand in the snow and wait for the bus.

March 5 - Adjustment

I have said for some time that I don't mind snow as long as I don't have to go out in it. It's pretty to look at, it has kind of an insulating effect, it can be nice. It only really gets annoying because we insist on living our lives as though nothing has changed and there aren't eight inches of white stuff on the ground slowing everything down. We get annoyed with the bad traffic, with the flight delays, with the unplowed roads and unshoveled sidewalks. Snow is a hassle if you have to do things in it. If you have the choice to be in it or not be in it, then it's lovely.

It is supposed to snow again in Chicago today. Anywhere between four and twelve inches from what I hear, with the city getting hit as badly as the suburbs usually do. I have to go to work and have my normal day there, and then I have a follow up appointment at the podiatrist, which is good because my ankle has really been hurting for the past two days. I hope it's just a weather sensitivity thing. But anyway, snow plus me having to be certain places by certain times equals cranky Kitty. And I'm tired of being cranky Kitty. So I'm on the bus again today.

I have resigned myself to trying to stay zen on the bus. I realize that depending on snow, I may have to leave early to get to my appointment and that is going to be a long commute. But maybe if I stay calm (and DFTBA), I can make it through this snow storm without getting angry or annoyed.

Wish me luck!

March 4 - A Little Bit of a Rant

I went to the movies last night with a couple of friends, and I had decided long before I even got to the theater that I was going to buy some candy to eat during the film. Going to the movies is still sort of an indulgent experience for me. You spend more money than you want to spend to get lost in some fantasy world for a couple of hours, and you might as well have a snack while you're doing it, right? At the very least, a beverage so you can stay hydrated while watching the movie (despite the fact that almost all available beverages at the movie theater are known to dehydrate people, but whatever. You know what I mean).

So my friends and I had a beverage or two in the bar before going into the theater, and I stopped at the concession stand on the way in, looking for Dots - those little gumdrop thingies - because in all honesty, I miss gummy candies. I don't eat gelatin, and most gummy stuff contains gelatin, so I miss it because I used to love the squishy sort of texture. Dots do not contain gelatin, so they are my go-to for when I want something chewy. So I went to the concession stand and looked at the boxed candy and almost didn't see the Dots because they came only in a 2.25oz box. Something smaller than a box of cigarettes. I was looking for the 16-20oz box they usually have a the movie theater. The box big enough to share with your friends. The box big enough to put you into a sugar coma and make you feel ill. The box big enough to make sure every single tooth in your mouth gets covered in gummy goodness that you have to use your tongue to peel off throughout the film and halfway home afterward. I almost missed the 2.25oz single-serving box - the box smaller in size than what you find at your local drug or variety store - hidden between the Twizzlers and the chocolate covered peanuts. But I found it, and bought it - two dollars.

Now, I realize that in general, candy sizes have gotten smaller to save movie theaters money and to discourage people from overeating. Like that whole outlawing of super sized soft drinks thing in New York City - people figure if only smaller portions are available, people will consume less. This may be a valid point - since I only had one serving of Dots to eat, I only ate one serving, as opposed to the two or three I would likely have eaten if the larger box had been available.

But at the same time, I was incensed that my movie candy was now only available in mini. What if I want to indulge at the theater? What if I want to gorge myself on sugar and get really hyper? What if, god forbid, I wanted to share with my friends? This tiny candy portion discourages sharing, unless you and your group are each okay with eating two Dots. Who wants to eat just two Dots? Yes, I know I could have purchased more than one box, but that then falls into the shame spiral - an effective method to keep people from overeating. And at a movie theater that still offers a 32oz soft drink and a vat of popcorn the size of a six-year-old's head, it seems a little odd to shrink the size of the candy boxes so drastically. If we're trying to prevent people from consuming so much sugar, shouldn't a 12oz or even a 20oz soda be the limit? It's like drinking a diet soda while eating ten glazed donuts - why cut back on one but not the other?

I realize that this totally falls under the heading of First World Problems. There are millions out there who don't have enough to eat in the first place, so the thought of getting a candy treat now and again is completely foreign and something they maybe dream of. Complaining that there isn't enough candy to eat themselves into a diabetic coma is the last thing on their minds. I know I have no right to complain. It just struck me as odd and cheap and a really strange marker of these changing times in which we live.

Now, if movie theaters wanted to start serving hummus and veggies in an effort to make things healthier, I'd be all over that. Until then, allow me my sugar coma. Please?

March 3 - Addictions

Exercise is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad addiction. It releases endorphins which make you feel good. It creates a build up of lactic acid in the muscles that you can only get rid of by exercising more. Too much of it can kill you. So please, next time your doctor tells you to exercise more, ask them if they also recommend morphine for pain and just say no.

I guess I should count myself lucky I don't have an addictive personality.

March 2 - Winter

If you've read this blog for any period of time, you know I hate being cold. Which makes it odd that I live in Chicago, yes, but this town is just too good to pass up. Anyway.

Right around this time of year, I start getting really antsy for warmer weather and today, I figured out why. I'm tired of wearing boots. I'm not much for sandals, and I firmly believe that flip-flops are not shoes, but it gets exhausting and dull to wear the same heavy, clunky snow boots every day for five months. I miss my sneakers! I get cranky without good, comfy footwear.

I'm wearing my sneakers at rehearsal tonight. Because I need to. Come on, Mother Nature, bring on the sneaker weather. We're ready.

March 1 - Human Sexuality

First of all, if you've not seen this video, please take the three minutes and forty-nine seconds to watch it because it is so beautiful. If you didn't already love Hank Green, or if you don't understand why I love Hank Green, this is it. Right here. I've seen the video probably half a dozen times and it still chokes me up. So please, go watch it and then come back to read the rest of this post. I'll still be here.

Watched it? Yes? Good?

Okay. So that's the starting point for this discussion, and I just want to say really quickly that the beauty of two shiny boxes exploding into millions of shiny boxes is what gets me every time. So much beauty and so much love. It reduces me to the point of not being able to use words. I love that image of millions of shiny boxes, each one as beautiful as the last, in all of the colors of the rainbow. I like thinking about human sexuality that way.

I realize that not everybody looks at human sexuality that way, though, and it makes me sad. Because for me, it kind of goes like this.

Let's say your entire life, you've been attracted to redheads. Who isn't attracted to redheads, right? They're gorgeous and graceful and every time you fantasize about who you want your ideal life mate to be, that person always has red hair. And then one day, you meet this brunette who just knocks you on your ass. This brunette is kind and thoughtful and intelligent and likes the same leisure activities you do and the two of you communicate well and have similar life goals and spiritual beliefs and you just can't imagine your life without this person. Suddenly, the fantasy of the redhead seems so much less important than the idea of spending your life with this specific brunette, yes? I think most people can wrap their brains around that - the idea that you fall in love with the person, not necessarily the package they come in. So let's extrapolate that same idea out further and say it's not just the person's hair color that isn't what you expected yourself to love, but their eye color is different than you imagined. Or their body shape. Or their skin color. Or their genitalia. Are you not still falling in love with the person instead of the package they come in? At what point is it okay to draw the line and say that's not acceptable? At what point is it okay to say, "No, you and this other consenting adult are not allowed to enter into a relationship because of x?"

(I point out "consenting adults" because I think it is important for me to clarify that I think pedophilia is the point at which lines must be drawn. Kids who are too young to understand what is going on should not be subjected to the sexual desires of others. For that matter, adults who are old enough to understand what's going on should not be subjected to the sexual desires of others with whom they don't agree, though one would hope the adults have the tools to be able to say "no" to such situations whereas children may not know how to stand up for themselves.)

I bring this up because a bill passed the Illinois State Senate which would make gay marriage legal. It is now being debated in the Illinois State House. I'm not the praying sort, but if I was, I would be praying with all of my might that this bill passes and Illinois legalizes gay marriage. It's a no-brainer to me - if two people choose to spend their lives together, they should legally be allowed to do so, and they should be afforded the same legal rights that go along with marriage as every single other married couple. I can't think of a good reason why they shouldn't.

Granted, there are those who say it is "against God." Maybe your God. But if I don't believe in your God, why do I have to be subjected to his laws? The United States grants separation of church and state in many areas, why not this one? There are so many religions and spiritual orientations in this country, and we all have the right to practice whichever one we want; why does one religion get to dictate who everyone is or isn't allowed to marry?

There are those who say it undermines the institution of marriage. Well, I hate to point this out, but marriage is a man-made construct, and an "institution" that has gone through quite a few changes since it's original inception. It came about likely around the time people figured out that men were involved in the baby-making process and and some men didn't want to be raising another guy's kid, so marriage was invented to pair up a man and a woman for procreation purposes so the guy could make sure he was only providing for his own offspring. Romantic, no? These days, marriages exist that have nothing to do with procreation - some couples just choose not to have kids. Marriages exist between more than two people in some religions so there are more people around to take care of the kids. And somewhat recently, we introduced this concept of "love" into marriage - the idea that you should like the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with instead of just entering into a contract with them to share lands and rear offspring. The notion of a romantic marriage seeped into the legal system, allowing spouses the right to visit one another in the hospital when others are not, allowing spouses to inherit from one another when one passes away, allowing tax breaks, and the like. Because if you love someone, you should be able to share in those things and provide for one another, right?

So if we take the idea that you may fall in love with someone you didn't expect to fall in love with, and the idea that you should be able to share your life with the person you love and provide for them and whatnot, the logical conclusion as I see it, is that this right should be extended to everyone, regardless of the sex or gender pairings. Right? Because where and how can you draw that line?

I know, I know, the homophobes are saying you draw the line at two people of the same sex getting married because that idea makes them uncomfortable. You know what? Denying gay and lesbian couples the right to get married will not prevent them from being together. It will not prevent them from falling in love and dedicating their lives to one another. It will not stop them from making love to one another. It will not stop them from building families or building homes or raising brilliant, beautiful children together. All it does is prevent them from being able to be there for each other when they die. It prevents them from being able to provide for one another's future. And why would you want to do that to someone who has done nothing but love another human being? In what world does that make sense?

I wanted this post to be eloquent and thought provoking and...better than I think it is. I wanted it to be one of those things that people read and can't argue with the logic of, but I don't know that it is that. I guess I mostly wanted to say that I want to live in a world where every shiny box is treated with the same love, reverence, and respect as every other shiny box, because there are so many, they are so beautiful, and because ooo! Shiny!

March 1 - The Things They Teach You In School

Rabbit, rabbit, it's March 1! When did that happen?

I remember as a kid in elementary school, when we were learning about the seasons, they made us learn the phrase "March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb." Meaning, spring happens in March, so at the beginning of the month the weather is annoying and winter-like, but by the end of the month, things have changed and the weather is happy and spring-like. I don't know why this particular phrase was so important to my elementary school teachers, but I remember it being on a test. They wanted us to remember "in like a lion, out like a lamb" so desperately that they tested us on it.

Sadly, Mother Nature is completely unaware of this phrase and does whatever the hell she wants with the weather.

Happy March, everybody!