December 29 - Transitive Property

So, if Person A is in my karass, and Person B is in my karass, does that mean that Person A is also in Person B's karass? 

December 4 - Important

Last night after rehearsal, I got a chance to have a drink and catch up with a friend I've not seen in probably ten years. This is one thing I am really loving about living in New York - it is making it easier for me to see my friends who live on the east coast who I have not seen in a really long time. And chatting with these friends feels like home. People I've not seen in years, but we still pick up where we left off and cover who even knows how many topics and it's lovely and exhilarating and comfortable all at the same time. So thank you to my friend who was in town and met up with me for a beverage. It was so good to see you!

The downside of a lovely evening out with a lovely friend, though, is that it means I didn't get back to my neighborhood until about quarter after two in the morning. I'm not the sort who is freaked out about walking home alone late at night. For the most part, my neighborhood is pretty safe and there are still enough people out and about at two in the morning that if something were to happen, I could probably start screaming, "I don't know you, get away from me," and someone would pay some sort of attention. Possibly even the cops who tend to stand outside this one corner store some evenings. There are things one learns, too, as a single woman who has to walk home late at night from time to time that help make one less of a target: Don't listen to music. Stay aware of your surroundings. Look at people who are approaching you so they know you know they are there, but don't necessarily make eye contact so as to avoid inviting confrontation. Walk with purpose. Stuff like that.

So last night, I was walking home from the train and I saw a woman walking down the sidewalk toward me. When I got closer, she wished me a good night and happy holidays. I replied, "Happy holidays to you, too." She then started talking more, but I kept my hands in my pockets and kept walking at my normal, brisk pace past her. She had a very insistent and pleading tone to her voice, though, and said she needed to just ask a question, so I kind of paused. She asked me what the most important thing is that I could say to a person. I asked, "The most important person in my life, what is the most important thing I could say to them?" She clarified that it didn't have to be the most important person in my life, just anyone. I replied that I would tell them that I love them. She said, "They know that you love them, so what is the most important thing you could tell someone?" I said, "Just that. 'I love you.' That is all I would say," and I started walking away again. She tried to continue the conversation, which made me think she had a specific answer in mind that she was hoping I would say, but at the time, I just wanted to get home to get a precious three hours of sleep before my workday and opening night of Romeo and Juliet began. In retrospect, had she not had a bit of the crazy eye look going on, I almost wish I had asked her what the most important thing she could tell a person is. I couldn't read her well enough to be able to guess. And to her credit, when I started walking again, she did not follow, she just let me go.

I've been thinking about it, though, because it's a really good question. What is the most important piece of information you could impart to another human being? I think it would have to be something I know and the other person doesn't, and the only things that I know they don't know have to do with my feelings. Which is why "I love you" was the first thing that popped into my head. I think it is important to make sure that the people you love know that you love them. I'm pretty sure the people I love know I love them because I tell them, but I am also of the opinion that it doesn't hurt to remind them from time to time.

But I still want to know what answer she was looking for. So what do you think? What is the most important thing you could tell another person?

November 18 - Kindness

Is a kind act performed in the hopes someone else will see it and be impressed by it still a kind act? If the desired audience misses the act, though the act still occurs, is it still a kind act? Is the kindness strengthened or diminished by the presence of an audience?

November 15 - Question

Honest question: what inspires you to explore new art? As in, what makes you see a new play or listen to a band you've not heard before or makes you go to a museum or gallery you've not been to? Or if you don't do those things, why not?

I'm gathering informal research and would like to know. Thanks!

October 6 - Question

I honestly have nothing interesting to say today. But I do have a question for you. 

Back in the day, my blog posts would focus on general observations or thoughts about life and whatnot. If not all of the time, then a lot of the time. I feel like lately, I've been writing about more concrete things - things that have happened to me, what I'm doing, observations on this new world in which I'm living. I feel like the latter is kind of dull. 

I could be completely wrong in this - maybe you like more journaling and less theorizing. But I'm wondering, do you, my six readers, get bored reading about the concrete? Do I need to widen my pool of subject matter and get more abstract again?

Of course, tomorrow, this will probably not bother me in the slightest so I'll be able to go on posting about things like the man on the subway yesterday who had a shopping cart full to overflowing with empty cans and bottles he was taking to recycle, some of which were dripping beer out of the garbage bags. And when I say "overflowing," I mean six jumbo-sized 60-gallon trash bags full of cans and bottles tied onto the cart, in addition to the body of the cart being full. Were it not so fragrant and juicy, it could have been an art installation. On the up side, he was at least conscious of how much space he was occupying (the entire area between doors) and did his best to move the cart to let passengers off the train. So he had that going for him. But still. 

Anyway. Are you bored? 

February 10 - Surly

You know, for someone who spends as much time as I do trying to be authentic and in the moment and honest and emotionally available, I also spend an awful lot of time pretending to be okay. Not that I'm not okay in general, but there are those interactions throughout the day that wear on a person and can make someone grumpy. I try very hard to not let those little annoyances become misdirected throughout the day, which means I spend a fair amount of time pretending to be okay when really, I'm seething on the inside, or ready to cry. 

I noticed this especially today because I spent the day being a customer service person. There was one call in particular where I think the man on the other end needed somebody to talk to, because he just talked a blue streak at me for thirteen minutes. I told him there wasn't really anything I could do for him and he told me about his home and his pre-retirement career and his son's love life and his plans for the future. He wasn't complaining, just chatting. And while he was a very nice man, I found myself wanting desperately to remind him that this was a customer service line and as the only person answering phones today, I should probably not have a nice long chat with a stranger. I didn't. I let him talk until he was done, but I felt like I should have said something. And when I hung up with him and the phone rang again almost instantly, I swore quietly under my breath before putting a smile on my face and answering with a cheery, "Thank you for calling, how can I help you?" Pretending to not be exhausted. 

I do this in my regular life, too. I try not to bring my work day annoyances to rehearsal with me because to vent them in the direction of my cast mates would be inappropriate. And at the dating event I went to last night, I found myself being nice and socially acceptable for a longer time period than I might have liked, especially considering I had to be nice and socially appropriate earlier in the day as well. 

I'm currently psyching myself up to be cheerful and friendly at rehearsal even though I'd really just kind of like to be surly for a bit. But what does that say about my insistence that I be true to myself and react honestly in the moment if I squash my surliness in favor of having people not think I'm a jerk? Am I being false, or am I making an informed decision about how to behave in public?

Hopefully, I can be surly for a bit sometime soon so I can get it out of my system. 

November 3 - BED

So it's November now, and I must say, I've been pretty good about blogging every day this year. I think I've missed two days so far. Not too shabby. But the question has started to enter my mind, what happens next year?

I have had fun blogging every day, but there have been days when it has sort of felt like a chore. I like writing; I'm not sure I like forcing myself to write. Though at this point, blogging every day is rather a habit. I think it will feel weird to not keep it up. Will it be weird for you to not get new content every day?

Just something to think about. If you do a project with a set end date, do you have to stop then? Or do you get to stop?

October 28 - Question Monday

I didn't know what to write about today, as I feel like I've been writing about acting too much lately or falling back on Haikus when I'm feeling lazy, so I went to the Twitterverse to get some questions to answer. And here we go:

Thursdayschild asked, "If you could erase your life and start over as a child in any location and (past) time period, Where, When, and Why?"

I think perhaps the more important question here is why would I erase my entire life? I've done some pretty cool things in my time on this planet and it has taken me a long time to build up all of my experiences, wisdom and expertise. And if I had to erase my whole life as it currently exists and start over as a child, I'd have to be a teenager again which was a thoroughly miserable experience. So while I have often thought that it might be fun to know what it was like to grow up elsewhere under other circumstances (i.e. one of the female children they kept in China, young boy in Germany in the 1940's who is torn between his love of swing dancing and society's insistence that he join the Hitler Youth, native Australian before the UK criminals were sent there, etc.), I think I'm going to have to pass in favor of holding onto what I have, rather than flying to that which I know not of. (There's some bonus mutated Shakespeare, just for you. Because I know you love it.)

Tomfromhr asked (and doomzTO seconded/built upon), "Chicago is consumed in a zombie apocalypse. Where do you move to start fresh? Bridge that with your escape plan so you CAN start fresh!"

Zombies. Yay. Everybody's favorite monster. I read something recently that said zombies are the American monster of choice because really, all you can do with them is shoot them in the face. They are a monster that begs to be shot in the face and as Americans, how can we say no to that? Personally, I'm more of a vampire person myself because, hello, Spike, and I like a little of the intrigue and intellectual stimulation a vampire might employ as he's trying to kill you. Besides, I'm pale as fuck so it works for me. Zombies can't even form sentences. It's like OK Cupid members on downers.

But okay, let's pretend there is a zombie apocalypse. My guess is that I don't survive because I don't really have an escape plan. The best I can come up with is a Shaun of the Dead style "hole up and wait it out" plan. But after that, I'd probably want to go somewhere with more outdoor space (and fewer stinky rotting corpses) than a major city. I've heard some people say that being on a boat or going to an island is a good choice. Maybe I'll use the zombie apocalypse as an excuse to go to the Galapagos Islands and set up camp. If we're all returning to nature, might as well, right?

Texancountess asked, "What is your comfort food?"

Just one?

I am one of those people who eats for comfort way more often than she should. Sometimes, it doesn't even matter what I'm eating, it is just the action of chewing that brings comfort (though, oddly, gum doesn't quite do it when I'm feeling down). I have seasonal comfort foods, too, because while my jambalaya is amazing in the winter, it's not so comforting in July. Summer is about berries and salads for me. Winter is about tomato-based things. Though a nice roasted garlic hummus and something to dip in it is tasty pretty much any time. And that's not even touching on sugary things...

I like to eat. Does that answer the question?

Thank you for your questions, guys! This was fun. So fun, I may even do it again someday.

September 10 - The Thing

Here's the thing: money cannot buy happiness. But it can pay the rent and buy food. It is an unfortunate world in which we live where these essentials are dependent upon little green pieces of paper. Or in many cases, not even little green pieces of paper, but numbers in a spreadsheet somewhere online that go up and down with direct deposit paychecks and plastic debit card payments.

So here's the question: how much is your happiness worth? In dollars. In pounds. In Euros. If you are unhappy in your current position, how many dollars would you give up in order to be happy?

There is a Bill Watterson cartoon floating around talking about leaving corporate life for a lower-paying (or non-paying) position elsewhere, for the sake of making other choices in life that lead to greater life-fulfillment, like being a stay at home dad. Which is lovely and inspiring. But the cartoon shows him as part of a family, and I am sure that while he was being a stay at home dad, his wife was out earning money so they could feed their child. Nothing wrong with that. But what if you are unhappy in your life and don't have a life partner to support you while you float looking for something else? What if you are not a super talented skilled artist like Bill Watterson who was lucky enough to be picked up by a publisher after I don't know how much time spent not working and just submitting materials to anyone who might look at them?

I don't mean to poo-poo the decision to follow one's happiness. I am all for following one's happiness. But there is an element of practicality that needs to be factored in, too. If pursuing your happiness means dropping everything else and is going to cost you everything that you have - your health, your home, your friends - is that really the wisest decision to make at this time? Is there a way to pursue your happiness without sacrificing everything else you have? Because if you give up everything, yes your happiness will taste super sweet when you finally find it, but how long can you go without happiness, without food, without shelter, without friends while you search for it?

So how much is your happiness worth? I don't think I can put a dollar value on mine, but I wish I could as I have many big decisions ahead.

September 8 - Experts

How does one go about becoming an expert on a topic about which hundreds of experts already exist? Do you start with the source material or the analysis thereof? Just wondering. 

May 7 - Informal Poll

Is there anyone out there who doesn't go into convulsions when they hear the Menards commercial jingle? Is there anyone who hears it and thinks, "Hey, I'd like to shop there because the jingle is so welcoming and friendly?" Is there anyone on whom that jingle is an effective marketing tool?

No offense to the person who wrote it, but I think that jingle's time has passed. Most of the time, I would rather scratch my eyeballs with a nail than listen to that jingle, be it on television or the radio. I don't often find myself in need of home improvement supplies, but when I do, I find myself actively avoiding Menards because I don't want to support a company with such an annoying jingle. Yes, it is petty of me. Yes, I am setting myself up for any of you, my dear readers, to drive me batty on a whim. But I just can't. I just can't take that jingle anymore. I just can't. 

Am I alone in this?