September 29 - Patience

Probably the best thing I have learned from my cat is patience. On the really tough, really long days when I get frustrated with people in general, I need to remember to come home and hug my cat. He is so happy to be in the same room as me. He'll follow me around the apartment just so he can be near me and it melts my heart. It makes me slow down and remember what a joy it is to spend quiet time with those you love and who love you. The look of contentment on his face when I scritch him behind the ears is bliss. The rest of the world, the minor annoyances, the major frustrations go away when I realize that the best thing I can do with a certain chunk of time is just be there for my cat. 

Thank you, Owen, for teaching me patience and the importance of calm. Now, can we keep the quiet, calm thing going through a whole night?

July 7 - Update

So my cat is still not enjoying getting goo in his ears twice a day, but he doesn't seem to hold it against me that I'm the one putting the goo in his ears. Which is good. Maybe part of him understands that the goo is ultimately a good thing. 

What is weird about the whole situation, though, is an observation that is going to make me sound like a complete crackpot. If you have a pet, you might get it, so I hope some of you out there do. When you live with a companion animal, after a while, they stop looking like the animal they are and they just look like a friend and a member of the family. There are times when I have to remind myself that Owen is a cat and as such does things that are very cat-like, like chewing on the potato chip bag. It is almost like I forget he's a cat and just consider him a roommate who is much shorter than me and who speaks another language. But then something will happen that reminds me he's a cat and I feel incredibly silly making the observation that my cat is really good at being a cat. Does that make any sense to anyone?

But through this experience of having to put goo in my cat's ears twice a day, I am very much reminded that he is a cat. All the time. He doesn't look so much like my roommate at the moment; he looks like a cat. I find this somewhat bothersome. It might be because the fur around his ears needs a good cleaning, or that he was a little down the first day he had to be medicated, but I am very aware of his catness. Not to be confused with his Katnis, which isn't even a thing but does bring to mind the image of my cat with a bow and arrows which is kind of funny. Whatever. 

Anyway. The long and the short of it is I will be glad when we're done with this ear goo. I think he will be, too. I'm ready to get my friend back. 

July 3 - Sick

There is probably nothing more terrifying for a parent than when their child is sick. I do not have children, but I have a cat and he has a bit of an ear infection. He was a champ at the vet today, despite being scared out of his mind, and now I get to give him ear medicine twice a day. 

When Owen first came to live with me, he had an eye infection, so I had to put drops in his eyes twice a day for the first few weeks that we were roommates. I don't know if you've ever medicated an animal on your own, but it is a challenge. Cats don't tend to like having things coming at their eyes. Cats don't tend to like having their ear pulled back so you can insert a tube with a topical cream in there. Neither of these are painful procedures, per se, just things cats would rather not have to do. And they let you know in very physical ways. Owen squirms and flattens his ears and shakes his head. I don't blame him - I would, too. And it kills me to have to hold him still while I give him medicine. I know he doesn't like it and I hate that I'm the one who has to do it. But I know he will be more comfortable when the ear infection goes away. He won't have to scratch at it so much and who knows what other discomfort it is causing him. I just wish I could explain that to him in a way that he could understand it. 

So here is my public apology to my cat for the temporary discomfort I will have to inflict on you for a couple of weeks as we try to get rid of this ear infection. I love you and hope you know I'm just trying to help. And in the privacy of our own home, I will apologize with scritches on the head and treats after dinner. 

January 10 - Anger

Today is one of those days when I have very little faith in basic human goodness. I have been a subscriber to the idea of basic human goodness for quite some time - I take comfort in believing that most people are basically good and we all just want to be safe and loved. I'm not exactly sure where this belief came from. Maybe observation. Because think about it: in the course of your average day, you probably have a lot more relatively pleasant interactions with others than relatively unpleasant ones. 

But then there are days like today when the majority of the interactions I had were antagonistic. Some out of a combined grumptopotomusness, some out of playfulness, some out of lack of awareness. I don't think any were intentionally malicious. But they all add up to a day of antagonistic interactions that leave me angry and doubting the idea of basic human goodness. 

Fortunately, basic cat goodness is a very real and true thing. He justs wants to be warm and near me and to maybe get some scritches on the top of his head or some snuggles on the couch. And his sweet, fuzzy face lights up when presented with a lap on which to sleep. It's hard to stay grumpy and angry with the world when an adorable friend is curled up at your side. 

To those who I may have offended today with my anger, grumpiness, and lack of faith in humanity, I apologize. I'll be a better person tomorrow. 

January 4 - Home

We made it home safely today. I have to say, it was hard to come home. I really feel like I need to live elsewhere for a while. 

But.

I would have to be able to take my cat with me. He has been in almost constant physical contact with me since I walked in the door. You can say what you want about cats being independent or impersonal, but my cat has imprinted on me and he likes having me around. His cat sitters did a fine job, but I can tell that he missed me and is glad I'm home. And I am certainly happy to see his face and snuggle with him again. I missed him. 

So, how about I make a documentary about traveling the world with a cat?

November 18 - Melted

Every now and again, when my cat is sleeping on my lap or next to me on my bed, he'll let me hold his hand. It is during those moments that I know if I am ever so lucky as to become a parent, I will be a good one. In those moments, I melt. In those moments, I know I would do anything to keep him safe. In those moments, my only thought is that I hope he knows how much he is loved. I know some people think a pet or companion animal is just a pet, but my cat is my family. And I'm so lucky he came to spend his life with me. 

October 18 - Thought

You know how they say the sound of waves is soothing to us because it reminds us of being in the womb? I wonder if it is for similar reasons that my cat likes to sleep on my stomach, rising and falling with each breath.  

October 16 - Love

So, Owen was walking down the hall toward the bedroom as I was walking toward the couch in my living room. I called after him, "Would you like to be snugglie?" He stopped, turned to look at me, and came running into the living room. He waited patiently while I placed a blanket over me, and then curled up on my arm in his favorite spot. 

Say what you will about companion animals in general or cats specifically, my cat is smart and he loves me. 

October 14 - Cure

Sometimes, the only thing that can set everything right again is a day spent napping with a cat. 

August 3 - Love

My cat has been doing this thing lately that kills me. If I ever leave the front door of my apartment open for a minute, like if I'm running down to get the takeout food I ordered, or running down to check the mailbox, he'll come out onto the landing and stand at the top of the stairs and wait for me. I think he is afraid of stairs - he has never lived anywhere that had stairs, so I guess it's not all that odd. I have tried putting him on one of the stairs to see if he can figure out what to do with them, but he freaks out, jumps down and runs into the apartment. Which I take as further proof that he doesn't know what to do with stairs and is therefore afraid of them. But anyway, he'll come out and stand at the top of the stairs and wait for me to come back up. I don't know exactly why this melts me, but it does. My baby is anxious for me to come home.

And for those of you who don't know, today is Esther Day, which is why I thought it appropriate to talk about something I love. Esther was a girl, a nerdfighter, who died of cancer at age 16. When asked how she would like her holiday to be celebrated, she replied that she wanted it to be the day on which people told the people they love that they love them. She specifically wanted it to apply to non-romantic relationships. So today, on Esther Day, let me take a moment to tell you that I love you. Yes, you.

Happy Esther Day! Go tell the people that you love that you love them.

July 11 - Cuteness

So my last couple of entries were big and heavy and potential flame war fodder. Sorry about that. Today, here's just a little tiny happy. 

When I talk to my cat, it is usually in LOLCat speak, some silly accent, or Dutch (the one phrase I know and probably pronounce wrong). I've been finding myself increasingly frustrated that I don't speak cat. BUT...I think my cat is learning English. Or at the very least, he knows the words "breakfast," "noms," and "snugglies." If he is napping in one room and I tell him I am going to lie on the couch in such a way that there are snugglies to be had, he will get up and follow me to the living room and proceed to snuggle. It absolutely melts me. Just like I learned to say "I love you and miss you" in Dutch because I figured that was a nice way to start learning a language, Owen has learned "snugglies" in English because it is his favorite way to nap. 

Even more than knowing whether or not he loves me, I want my cat to know he is loved. I think he just might. 

June 28 - Perception

Every day when I get home and I come in through the front door, my cat does his best to escape out onto the landing. I used to be scared of letting him do this, but as there is only one other apartment accessible from that staircase and I've met the woman who lives there (she also has cats), it doesn't bother me so much anymore. I let Owen go out and explore the landing. He doesn't even go up or down the stairs - I think he is afraid of them - he just sniffs around and then comes back in for scritches and dinner. 

I wonder if he thinks that is where I spend the whole day when I am not at home with him, and if he's sniffing around out there to find my scent and cover it with his own. 

May 9 - Questions

I have to wonder, as I'm guessing most parents do, whether or not my cat is living the best life he can live. Is he happy here? Is he fulfilled and challenged? Is there something else he wishes he could have done with his life, or somewhere else he wishes he could have gone?

I don't know. I don't think there is a way for me to know. And unlike parents of human children, I can't really ask him. I try, but he doesn't answer. Or, if he does, I don't understand what he is saying. And I'm pretty sure that's on me because he understands certain words that I say ("food"), but I don't know the meanings behind many of his meows. 

So sometimes I just have to remind myself that as in any relationship, showing up is half the battle. I know he likes to sleep on my lap, so I make a lap for him to lie on. I slow down and take a bit of a break from my day and my to-do list so he can have a lovely nap because I don't know how else to make sure he is living his best life. I hope it is enough. 

Now, if only there was some way to find out where he stands in the "should we get a bunny" debate...

January 20 - Roommates

It never ceases to amaze me that my roommate is of another species, that we don't speak the same language but we know how to communicate, and that even though I am 10 times bigger than him, he trusts me. Completely. It shouldn't be that big of a surprise - inter-species friendships happen all of the time - but I still can't help but feel privileged that he lets me scritch his ears and hold his hand and that my lap is his favorite place to sit. His is the face I most want to see every day, and I hope I've done a decent job of being his human.

Sorry about the mushy post. I hope I never get used to how lucky I am to be part of his life.