November 19 - Nasty Habits

I was talking to someone over the weekend who said he was thoroughly disgusted by people who choose to chew gum. His argument was that it is akin to a cow chewing his cud.

Now, I will agree that it is perhaps odd to put something in your mouth that you chew and chew and chew but never swallow. It's a lump of mushy stuff that you infuse with your saliva and the bacteria that accumulate in your mouth and then you either stick it to the underside of a table to piss other people off or spit it out into a garbage receptacle where it will remain permanently adhered to the receptacle, never actually being disposed of. Gum chewing is not part of the digestive process, though, and is not semi-regurgitated matter mixed with stomach acid that has come up for a second go-around. And the kicker is, there are actually quite a few benefits to chewing gum. Particularly sugar-free gum. Particularly mint gum. Which happens to be what I chew when I chew gum.

The person who made this bold statement that chewing gum was gross also happens to be a smoker. Did I mention that? Yeah, he is. The person who inhales nicotine and tar that turn his teeth yellow and rot his lungs thought that chewing gum is more disgusting than smoking.

Now, I think we all know the dangers of smoking. And I think it is safe to say that most smokers don't give a rat's ass. In Europe, they put giant labels on cigarette packages with pictures of diseased lungs or that say, "Smoking Kills" and people keep smoking them anyway. For some, I'm sure it's turned into a "collect them all!" game with the warning labels. But from the very basest, very simplest, most mundane perspective, smoking makes you smell bad. We can tell you've been smoking because of the foul odor that accompanies you when you walk back inside. The stench that lingers in the air. And maybe that stench isn't the bit that is going to give me cancer, but I still have to smell it, the same as I have to smell my coworkers cooking their Lean Cuisine lunches in the kitchen. It is a distinctive, unpleasant smell that follows you everywhere, no matter how much perfume or cologne or body spray you try to use to cover it up. It just smells bad. You smell bad. And heaven forbid you try dating a smoker and feel the urge to kiss them...now you get to lick the tar and nicotine out of the inside of their mouth. Sounds like fun, yes?

I'll admit it - I've kissed smokers. And I'll also admit that regardless of technique, I'm tired of it. I'm tired of doing things like brushing my teeth, eating mints, chewing minty gum, or putting on lip balm to make the experience more pleasant for my kissing partner if he's just going to light up and taste like an ashtray to me.

I don't know that I've had much on my "dealbreakers" list before, if anything, but let's put this on there. No smokers. I'm done with it. I'm done with overlooking that "character flaw" when it comes to interviewing life partners (I'll overlook it for friends and casual acquaintances, but not for life partners). But I'll offer a deal to any smokers out there who were considering applying for the position - I'll give up chewing gum if you'll give up smoking. Deal?

June 1 - AWBC

As I was driving through Chicago today, I saw the signs marking the path for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. Apparently, this weekend is the weekend for that in Chicago. 

I've done the Avon Walk twice, and in all honesty, I feel guilty that I don't do it every year. During my training for the second walk, I was hit by a car while walking which didn't really hurt, but I found out during the walk that it did mess with my hip, so I can't walk super long distances all at once (I.e. 20+ miles). But anyway, when I did the Walk, I felt like I was doing something good and helpful and bigger than me. It was a great experience, both times. 

This year, I feel particularly bad about not doing the Walk as I know two women fighting breast cancer at the moment. I have danced with them and laughed with them and shared life moments with them. One of these women has a better prognosis than the other, but even so. A breast cancer diagnosis is terrifying, whatever the prognosis. I lost a stepmother to breast cancer and even though I didn't know her long enough to become truly attached, I know how devastating her passing was for my father. I would never wish that on anyone. And I think a part of me was hoping that doing the Walk again would help my friends who are currently fighting the good fight. 

To these women, I apologize that I was not out there this year. To all of the people walking and all of the people volunteering at the rest stations and all of the people who put together the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer, thank you.  I wish I had bigger words to express my personal gratitude for what you are doing this weekend. You are amazing. You are helping. You are making a difference. 

Thank you.