You know those days that just don't end? And not in the good way? You look at the clock every three hours to find out that six minutes have passed? Yeah, I'm in the middle of one of those right now. Yay.

I think part of it also could be that I've not been sleeping very well. I got exactly what I wanted -- stinking hot weather. But it's not great for sleeping. I think my sheets are weird, too, because they're not absorbing sweat very well. I know, sounds gross, right? And women aren't even supposed to sweat, but I do. Trust me, I do. So I think I may need to invest in some new sheets if I'm going to make it through the summer.

Note: I'm not complaining about the heat. I love it that it's hot outside. I just wish I was sleeping better. Could also be that I have a lot on my mind. Meh. It's supposed to cool down for a couple of days so maybe I can catch up on my sleep then.

So I'm currently reading A Clockwork Orange. I know, I know, it's something I should have read years ago and years ago I tried. I just couldn't get into it because of the language. Granted, it's brilliant how he created his own language and used it so consistently and effectively, but it takes a little getting used to. But several years ago, I found a copy of it at a book sale and picked it up, but could never get into it. Flash to a couple of days ago. I'm not enjoying any of the books I got from the library, so I start perusing my own collection to see what I can take with me to read on the train to and from work. It has to be kind of small so it will fit in my purse, and hopefully nothing too deep. I see my copy of A Clockwork Orange and figure I'll give it another try. Within four pages, the language makes total sense to me like it never did before. I'm reading and actually quite enjoying the book. I only have about fifty pages left to read (including the last chapter which was apparently not included in the original American printing of the book, nor in Kubrick's film adaptation), and I woke up this morning thinking in nadsat speak. The words "govoreeting" and "malenky" running through my head as if they were actual, proper words to use in my everyday vocabulary. Kind of creepy. But maybe only a malenky bit, O my brothers.

Tee hee.

Okay, let's talk Cubs for a minute. Specifically Michael Barrett, the catcher.

I like Mike. I think he's a good player. I think he has a sense of humor, but he also takes the game really seriously. Yes, I was surprised when he and Zambrano got into it in the locker room, but it's kind of a badge of courage to get stitches in your lip and a black eye from your own teammate. Like being a hockey goalie. But yeah, I can see that incident as garnering headlines and punishments and whatnot.

A couple of nights ago, Barrett and the night's pitcher, Hill, were talking animatedly in the dugout and now everyone is all up in arms calling Barrett a loose cannon and wondering if he can get along with his teammates or if he's going to have to go. People, this is not news. There was no shoving, no punching, no real argument. They both had a rough inning and were venting. Pinella said so. The announcers said so. They say so. I mean seriously. Do we need to police our ball players so closely that they're only allowed to say, "Nice play out there, chum" to one another between innings? You could see when Hill was on the mound that he was frustrated with the inning -- he slammed the rosin bag down so it sent up a nice puff of chalk. He had just given up a home run; yes he was going to be annoyed. And when the inning was over, he and Barrett talked about it. So what? They should be allowed to discuss plays between innings. Mistakes are made in baseball, and the only way to learn from them is to talk about what went wrong. Maybe they were emotional when they talked, but it wasn't a back-page-of-the-newspaper-two-days-later kind of a story.

I think, at this point, after two and a half months of the Cubs not playing as well as they could or should be playing, people are just looking for any kind of story that will explain why we're not doing better. You know what? It's not because of fighting between Barrett and the rest of the team. It's because we're making fundamental errors and not coming through with clutch hits. That's it. Why are those things the way they are? Any one of a million reasons -- Floyd being distracted about his father, Soriano getting used to a new team, five outfielders vying for three positions, young guys in the infield, Ramirez getting injured, the team getting sold -- any one of a million reasons, or some combination thereof. It's not because Barrett and Hill talked in the dugout on Tuesday night. I can pretty much promise you that.

Shampoo is shampoo is shampoo, right?

Wrong.

Now, I already know that a lot of the shampoos advertised on television only make your hair shiny because they have a lot of wax in them, which, ultimately, dries out your hair and prevents it from absorbing much needed moisture. And I already know that a lot of shampoos contain ingredients found in engine lubricants so that they look silky when they come out of the bottle. So I avoid those shampoos and have for years. Of course I have. I'm vegan. I use vegan shampoo. There was this one that I found that I sang the praises of forever and was really annoyed when I could hardly find it online anymore. You can still purchase it online and I know where, but it's also kind of expensive for a small-ish bottle. But it is a really nice shampoo that doesn't make your hair waxy or anything. Smells nice, too.

But in my penniless days (or the days when I felt penniless because really, I've not been penniless, I've always been okay) I went looking for a less expensive vegan shampoo and I found one, surprisingly enough, at my local Trader Joe's. When I first started using it, I thought it was okay, but it wasn't quite the expensive stuff I bought online. It would do, but I kept thinking about ordering more of the online stuff, just to treat myself.

Well, I had a little of the online stuff left and I used some for a couple of days and my hair was...meh. There were patches that were really oily, as if I hadn't washed my hair in days, even though I scrubbed those places even harder than usual. So I went back to my Trader Joe's stuff and poof! Perfect, soft, shiny hair. And then this past week, I was housesitting, so I brought my travel bottles of yet another brand of vegan shampoo and again, my hair felt like it hadn't been washed at all, no matter how much shampoo and conditioner I used, or how long I lathered. And now that I'm back at my house, using my Trader Joe's shampoo, poof! Perfect, soft, shiny hair.

Now, I don't remember if the shampoo I'm using is a Trader Joe's brand or if they just sell it there -- if you're really curious, let me know and I'll get back to you. But the long and the short of it is that just because a shampoo is expensive doesn't mean it works well. The stuff I'm using comes in a pretty decent sized bottle (16 or 20oz, I think) and costs about three dollars. And it definitely gets my seal of approval.

Isn't it fun to have me talking about frivolous things again?

So there are plans in the works in several major cities to make the entire city a wireless hot spot. Yet we don't have universal health care. Yes, I love the interweb, but in the grand scheme of things, which is more important: free internet access everywhere you go or access to health care for everyone?

Hmmm...

It's amazing to me how every building downtown is, in essence, it's own city. People talk to one another saying things like, "You're a 21st floor person, too?" And anything a person might ever have to do in one hour or less (errand type things) can be done in each individual building. There are post offices and restaurants and optometrists and coffee shops and you name it. Shoe shine places. So technically, once you show up to work in the morning, you don't have to leave your building for anything. Unless you want fresh air. But you don't even have to leave to get exercise because most buildings have a gym of some sort in them, too. It's crazy.

That being said, I like my pseudo city. I think it's a good one. There is even vegan food for me to eat there. Yay!

Now go vote!

I miss my fifteen year old fan. He was this kid who would come into the sammich shop where I play just to listen to me. One day, he even skipped geometry class so he could listen to me for two and a half hours. He wrote me a note on a napkin that I still have on my fridge as a sort of a fan mail thing. It’s just nice to look at once in a while, as a reminder that people do like what I do and that my art has touched people. But I don’t get to see him anymore because I switched days at my sammich shop, so unless he asks what happened to me and starts coming in on Saturdays instead, I won’t get to see him anymore. I kind of wish I could get a message to him to either come in on Saturdays or just to vote like crazy for me in this contest. I bet he would get all of his friends to vote for me, too. About a million times. And I could be wrong -- he might be older than fifteen, but in my mind, he’s my fifteen year old fan. Even when he’s forty, he’ll still be my fifteen year old fan. He tipped me five dollars one day, and I bought lunch with it, so thank you, my fifteen year old fan, for the burrito. It was tasty.

I miss my honorary brother, too. Since I’m working downtown now, I keep seeing all these men who kind of sort of look like him. Similar build, similar hair, similar beard. They’re not him, obviously, and to other people they may not look like him at all, but to me, they do. And they remind me of my honorary brother and make me wonder how he’s doing. I haven’t heard from him in a really long time. I know he kind of moved on to do his own thing and needed to put some space between himself and his past and that’s fine. But I do miss him and wonder how he is doing.

Yeah, that’s about it for now. Missing friends I haven’t seen in a while and have no idea when I’ll see them again. I hope all of you are doing well. And voting. And telling other people to vote.

God, I’m such a schill.

So the new job. Not too bad. Can get a little intense, but I think as long as I stay organized, I'll be fine. It's when I let things go for a couple of days that I'll get into trouble. But yeah, in general, I think I'll be fine. But that's not really what I wanted to post about.

So I'm coming home from band practice the other night (we auditioned a drummer who was awesome! So much so that we're calling both drummers back to hear them again 'cuz they were both great and would have a lot to bring to the table, but in different ways, you know? But either way, we should have a drummer soon) and there are two police cars parked in the alley by my building. I thought they were giving someone a parking ticket or something. Nothing major. They were just in the way of pedestrians using the sidewalk (read: me). So I walk around the cars and go into my building and as I'm checking for mail, a police officer comes out of my building carrying a pair of damp jeans with tongs.

Now, I don't know much about police work, save for what I see on television, but a police officer leaving an apartment building carrying damp jeans with tongs would seem to imply that something not-so-savory happened in my building.

I've been watching the news to see if I can find out what happened, but I'm not seeing anything. And, of course, I didn't want to ask the cops what was going on because that would be nosey and annoying to them. So I'm forced to speculate -- which of my neighbors had a domestic dispute over laundry? Or was it something other than water that was thrown onto the jeans in question? Or were the jeans in question washed to remove traces of whatever had been thrown or splattered onto them?

I'm not scared to live in my building. I'm guessing that whatever happened was contained within one apartment, and I think it happened on a floor other than the one where I live. But it is kind of interesting to think that while I was out auditioning a drummer, making music, putting good things into the world, people in my very same apartment building were fighting so horribly that the police had to get involved.

Strange.

I have a confession to make. I'm a little bit addicted to this Last Band Standing contest I entered. I keep logging in to check and see how many votes I've gotten and it mostly makes me want to say thank you! I'm currently in the top 20, due, in large part, to you guys taking the minute out of your day to vote. You guys are awesome.

Speaking of awesome things, I drove to work today past some people walking in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. This weekend is the Chicago walk, apparently, and I have to thank everyone who is walking and crewing the event. I got all choked up when I saw them, remembering what it was like to be a part of something so huge. And also remembering all of the people who have been taken by breast cancer, and all of the lives effected by it. I thank them for their efforts and their determination and their strength and their courage to do the walk and to raise so much money for breast cancer research. Thank you for walking.

So I entered my band in a contest to see if we can play Lollapalooza this summer, and the first thing I need is a lot of votes. So go here and vote for me. You can only vote once per email address per day, so make sure to check back every day between now and June 30, when voting ends. And if you're not seeing the song, click through to my mp3.com page and you can listen to it there. I have to say, I think it sounds pretty good.

And no, you don't have to live in Chicago or Illinois or even the United States to vote (as near as I can tell), so spread the word, vote lots, and thank you very much!

So the first day at the new office actually wasn't too bad. It was pretty quiet. We covered a lot of the stuff I'm going to need to know, and the really nice part is that the guy training me (who I went to college with) is going to be there for a couple more days, so I don't have to take off the training wheels just yet. I actually think it's all going to work out well. And if I can be completely honest, it was kind of fun taking the train downtown and then walking to the office. I felt very grown up or something. And very...I dunno. False isn't quite the right word. But I was looking around at the other people on the train in their suits with their briefcases and thinking that even with a day job, I probably lead a stranger life than most of them do, but that I was blending in very well with my lunch bag and my book. It did kind of make me wonder about what crazy things these people do with their evenings and weekends, or if they really are career people who only really think about their day jobs.

One thing that made me really happy is that it sounds like part of the reason I was hired is because I have no ambition to be a career administrative assistant. I have other things going on. Other ambitions. Other motivaitons. It sounded kind of like my bosses look for that in an employee. Which is that much better for me. It means that when it's time to tour the world, I won't have to feel bad about leaving, and they might even be cheering me on as I go. It's not often that you find that in corporate America; how am I so lucky as to have found it thrice?

But yeah, I think I'll be okay there. I may even be happy. I like the people. The work looks like it could be challenging some days and simple on others, which is fine. And it's a really good atmosphere. With a pretty groovy view. Right downtown on the forty-first floor of the building. How can you argue with that?

So it's official. I start my new job on Thursday. And frankly, I'm scared.

I know I'll be fine. If I learned anything from this whole experience (aside from the fact that it's okay to ask for help when you need it), it's that I'm a very capable person. And a likable person. It's funny; one of the jobs I applied for was in a music store. Kind of a prestigious music store that is in conjunction with a music school. And part of the interview had to do with my musical knowledge -- what kind of wood has a warmer tone, how to tune a violin, how to re-string a guitar, etc. -- and I have to admit, I was completely intimidated by it. But I did really well. Apparently better than a lot of other applicants they get. And today, I had to call and turn the job down in favor of the full time position with medical benefits and the guy was so nice about it. He congratulated me and I asked him to please keep me on file for future positions. He said that technically, the job is mine if I want it, so I know that I could, just about any time, go into this music store and say, "Hey, I need some hours. What do you have available?" and assuming they needed an employee at that time, I'd have a part time job. How cool is that?

So I know I'll be fine at this new job. I know I'll learn things fast and perform my tasks well and get along with my coworkers. But, as they say in Beauty and the Beast, "We don't like what we don't understand/In fact it scares us..." I can't visualize what my days in this office will be like yet because I haven't started working there yet, so I'm scared. Afraid I'll mess up. Afraid I'll be bored and unhappy. I'll feel much better once my work day Thursday is over.

And on a side note: I got a bite from one of the other resumes I had submitted a few weeks ago, so I also know that if this new job doesn't work out for whatever reason, I can find another one. I'm a capable employee. I'm a desired employee. I'm a damn good employee. I have to remember that.

I don't have a lot to say, but I kind of felt like posting anyway, so here goes.

I've been sewing all weekend. Made a really pretty quilted pillow yesterday, and started in on another quilt today. Then my machine went blooey and it doesn't want to take more than two stitches without messing up. So I'm letting it rest.

It's going to be weird going back to full time work. Honest full time work where I will just have to sit there and look busy when there is nothing else going on. Hopefully, that won't happen too often.

Oh, and I submitted my information to be in this contest called Last Band Standing. The top two bands get to play at Lollapalooza this summer, and they determine the top bands by online voting. So prepare to be pestered throughout the month of June to go and vote for me. I don't know the specifics yet, as in whether or not you can vote more than once a day, but I promise, I'll let you know.

So yeah. Happy Memorial Day. I honestly don't remember Memorial Day being this big of a deal when I was a kid. Maybe I was oblivious. Maybe it's because thousands of Americans have died needlessly in the Middle East in the past couple of years. Whatever the reason, it seems like a bigger deal now than it used to be. And thank you to all of the men and women who have served and who are serving in our armed forces. I know I couldn't do it, so thank you for everything that you do.

I asked a man out tonight and got shot down.

Honestly, it's probably better as I don't even know when I would have been able to go out on the date I was proposing. But still. Getting the "I'm really busy" excuse sucks. And kind of reinforces my belief that I'm not really supposed to be in a relationship. I either find men to whom I am very attracted who are not at all interested in me, or men who are very interested in me to whom I am not at all attracted. I know, I know, it just takes one. But finding that one is really hard. And honestly, I'm lazy. And, probably more importantly, I'm happy being single. I like being by myself. I've spent so much of my life single that it requires a whole self-examination process to see if I could include another person in my life to that extent without totally sacrificing who I am as a person. So maybe being single is best. And you know what? I'm okay with it if it is.

So if that whole thing was a test, I passed. With flying colors.

I believe I start a new day job on Thursday. Administrative/legal assistant type stuff with a law firm downtown, so not my ideal position, but it is a small office with cool people and it seems like the kind of place where I could get involved in a lot of different kinds of projects, both mundane and interesting, so it should be a good fit. They might even be able to keep me busy. Tee hee. And the salary is higher than the lowest I wanted to go with, so financially, I'm good. Plus medical and casual Fridays and lunch on Fridays and paid vacation and whatnot. So it's a pretty sweet deal. Yes, it means going back into the corporate world, but as my mom pointed out, I'm still a musician if I have a 9 to 5 job. And I'm still an actor with a 9 to 5 job.

And the sammich shop where I love to play switched me to Saturdays instead of Fridays, so I will still be a paid musician. Yes, it means I'll be working six days a week and at some point in the future, that might get to be too much for me, but for now, I get to go play music every Saturday. I think that will help offset the corporate job thing. Especially since I don't have Floss! to fall back on anymore to prove that I'm still an artist.

The down side is that I'm going to have to turn down a part time job at a music store. I would love to work at this music store and the guy said he would be happy to have me. But if I'm already working two jobs six days a week, do I really want a third job? I'd have no life. So I'm sad that I don't get to do that right now, but maybe sometime in the future I'll be able to work there. Or in another music store. Such a great environment, and how awesome would it be to help set people up with the tools they need to release their creativity? *sigh* Someday...

And then today, I ate a bowl of Cheerios with blackberries and soy milk. Incidentally, as if there weren't enough other reasons to drink soy milk, I don't know if you know this or not, but Silk, one company that makes a lot of soy products (milk, yogurt, etc.) is 100% wind powered. Their manufacturing plants are 100% wind powered. They're running a sweepstakes right now to green up your home, and for every entry, they'll up their wind power output enough to power one average home for a day. It requires that you buy Silk products and enter the UPC code, but if you have Silk products in your house, go enter the UPC codes and power some houses with wind power. Groovy, huh?

So yeah. Things are okay. I got a new job. I'm leaving the old one on good terms. I had already taken steps to reduce my monthly expenses. I went to the library today to get books I can read on the train to and from work. I'll be taking the train to and from work which means less gas expense and fewer emissions into the atmosphere. And more walking time for me. I just have to get the CTA card that lets me ride the train a little cheaper and I'm good to go. Maybe I'll buy some new clothes with my first paycheck.

So thank you guys for your support. I should know by now that things always turn out okay. I think the big thing I learned this time around is that it is okay to ask for help when you need it. The people you love and trust who love and trust you will be there when you really need them. So thanks for that. For the financial support, the emotional support, the recommendations that helped me land this new job, for the random beer when I just needed to cry. Thank you guys.

I'd like to take a moment to talk about something some might consider distasteful.

Bacteria.

See, yesterday, I bought a new toothbrush, because it was time and because as much as I want to treat myself nicely, my financial situation is making the definition of "nicely" include splurging on a new toothbrush. And there was a toothbrush on sale that has all of these fancy bristles and a cheek and tongue cleaner on the back of it. I did not buy the toothbrush for the cheek and tongue cleaner. I bought it because it was on sale. And I have to admit, it's a little odd. It brushes the insides of your cheeks while you brush your teeth. The sides of your tongue, too. You have to make a concerted effort to clean the top of your tongue, but whatever. It left my mouth feeling totally minty fresh and smooth and lovely, even though it was kind of odd.

So then, of course, I start thinking of the commercials for this toothbrush that tell you how much more bad breath bacteria this toothbrush gets rid of as opposed to other toothbrushes. Granted, I don't think there is an actual bacteria called the Bad Breath Bacteria, but you get the point. There are germs in our mouths that can cause bad breath. And then I started thinking about all of the other commercials out there for products that kill 99.9% of germs in various places around your home and office and I have to say, pardon the pun, I think that's overkill.

Please note: I am not advocating living in squalor. If you'll just read on a bit, I can explain.

Did you know that there is no bacteria that can grow in the conditions present in your refrigerator that is deadly if consumed by humans?

I'm also not advocating eating rotten food. Just pointing out that if you ate the mold on your cheese, you wouldn't die from it. If you happened to eat the mold on your cheese in a French restaurant, they'd call it bleu cheese and you'd love it, but I digress.

My point is that not all bacteria are bad. You have millions of them living in your body all the time and a lot of them are good for you. They keep the really harmful ones from getting through and doing serious damage. And I know it pains every parent in the world to see their child get sick, but you know what? If your kid never gets sick, he'll never build up his immune system. Yes, it's good to get your kids innoculated when they're six months old, but that won't keep them from catching everything. You know an easy way to not get shingles? Have chicken pox as a kid. Your body fights it off once, and thereby learns how to fight it off again. If we kill 99.9% of all bacteria in our lives, how are we supposed to get chicken pox? And what happens when as adults, we get shingles? It's much, much worse.

Again, I'm not advocating living in squalor. Keeping up with personal hygiene is a good thing. But the sniffles every once in a while is also a good thing. Having a sore throat can make you stronger in the future. If we safeguard ourselves against every possible enemy, we'll never be able to fight off the really strong guys when they come around.

Unless, of course, you're immunocompromised, in which case, you're free to use all the antibacterial products you choose and I will keep my big fat mouth shut.

So the Crosstown Classic this weekend. I love it that we took two out of three. I love it that both of those two were won in come-back style. I love it that we even tried to stage a come back in the third game. We hit long balls, we played small ball. And mostly, we took two out of three against the former world champions.

That's all I really have to say about that.

And so it ends.

Tonight was the final performance of Floss!.

I've finished a million shows before, but I think this might be the hardest one I've ever had to say good bye to. Not only was it a great show that was so much fun to perform, but it is the reason I got involved with my theater company in the first place. It is the first good show I did in Chicago. It is why I know so many of the people who mean so much to me now. I've met friends and lovers through Floss!. I learned how to do sound and lights for Floss!. The only things I never did in Floss! were parts that only boys dance. Other than that, I did everything in Floss!. All told, I performed that show probably 120 times, and no two shows were the same. No two casts were the same. And even for runs that I wasn't in, it was comforting to know that it was going on, like how you know your mom will answer the phone when you call her, even if you don't call her every day. Floss! was just always there. And now it's not. I will never dance the Journey again. I have no reason to speak in that voice again. I will spend the rest of my life meeting people who have no idea what I mean when I say "tak tak" or "hootibah" or "bushnana." I have no reason to say the Bojango prayer anymore.

I cried on stage during the curtain speech. My character cried because she is so happy to be going back to Bebo. I cried because I will never get to be Hacamba Soodiyooni again. Or Fluflexakuku Tootrini. Or Jango von Bebo.

This show has been a part of my life for about four years now. Always in the background. Always there if I wanted it. And for two years, I did. Then I took some time off, but I knew I could always understudy if someone needed me to fill in. I was Jango, I was the ankle breaker, I was the American, I was Hacamba, I was Kuku, I was Bojango, I was Bebo da Fey, I was even crazy cluster girl once. I knew the whole show inside and out and I will miss it horribly. I will miss the music. I will miss the odd conversations. I will miss the costumes. Hell, I already do.

Tak tak to Corn Productions for making Floss! and for letting me be a part of it. Tak tak to all of the Chicago actors who took part in Floss! over the years. Tak tak to everyone who came to see it, especially to everyone who came to see it tonight, who cheered so loud my ears were ringing after the show, and who demanded an encore from us, when we all had red, puffy eyes and tear-stained faces. I'll never forget that. And if you see me in the next couple of days wearing these random pieces of fabric tied around my wrists, they are my eel ribbons that I wore in every single performance of Floss! I ever did and I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to take them off yet. To take them off means that it's really over and I don't believe it's really over.

Tak tak. And Bojango bless you.

So the Cubs beat the Sox today, in come back style. We won in the seventh inning, and then our bullpen was able to keep the lead. Yay!

I also talked to the sammich shop people today to see if I could just switch days instead of quitting completely and the manager told me that I'm their favorite musician. I get more positive feedback from the customers than any of their other musicians (all two of them, but still). He's going to see what he can do so that I can keep playing if I get a 9 to 5 job. That made me feel really good.

And I have an interview through the temp agency already. For Thursday. Could be a good thing -- long term administrative assistant type position. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

So yeah, I'm feeling a little better than I was this morning. A lot better. I was physically ill this morning -- I just wanted to vomit. But now I feel like things might just work out. I will start making more money, but I'll still be able to do at least some of the stuff I want to do and need to do to stay happy. It's been a while since I was really happy and it's about time I got back there.

Things keep getting stranger and stranger for me.

I signed on with a temp agency today in the hopes of getting placed in a temp-to-hire type position. They could be ready to place me somewhere or get me started working as soon as next week. And tonight, all I can think about is how I'm so not ready to leave the sammich shop. I don't want to have to go in there tomorrow and tell them that I won't be in next week. I want to be able to stll play for largely disinterested patrons for a few hours a week. I'm hoping that maybe I can just switch days and play there on Saturdays now. But I'm not ready to give that up yet. But I have to.

The other job, I'm okay being done with that. Which, I know, sounds awful. But I'm ready to move on from there. I'm not ready to stop being a musician, though.

This occurred to me, today, too. The last Floss! is this Saturday. I'm not going to talk about the fact that it really hurts that so many of the people I know never came to see me in Floss!, not any of the probably 130 times I performed it. I'm just plain going to miss Floss!. When something is a part of your life for so many years, it's hard to say good bye to it. I loved the characters I got to play. I love the music. I loved walking to the theater on Saturday nights to do a show -- it made me feel like an actor, you know? Happy. I loved being Beboian for a couple of hours every week. I'm sure the language will stay with me. I'll still say tak tak and hootibah. I'll probably still keep my eel ribbons that I wore on my wrists, and I might wear them from time to time when I'm feeling sad. Which I know I will on Saturday when the show ends. I'm going to cry my eyes out.

So yeah, a lot of changes. Maybe it's a good thing. I've been in a funk for a long time and maybe shaking things up is what I need at the moment. Here's hoping it doesn't all blow up in my face.

Applied for eight more jobs as of noon today. This is exhausting. But necessary, you know? I hope people start calling back, soon.

By the same token, it is increasingly difficult to motivate myself in my current job. Things have gotten not-so-good here, and it's really hard to make myself get out there and do the things that might possibly make things better, especially when I have very little faith that they will actually work within any sort of reasonable time frame. I'm sorry, but it's hard. Yes, it's gorgeous outside today, but I have so many other things on my mind that the last thing I want to be doing is walking around putting up flyers, you know? I'm not getting paid enough for that. But if I don't do it, I might not get paid at all, you know? So the lesser of two evils makes me want to stay inside and apply for every possible job I can find that I'm even close to being qualified for (either over qualified or under qualified, I'm applying for both).

I'm sorry I've been such a downer as of late. It seems like bad luck comes in threes, you know? Car fell apart. Job falling apart. Social life falling apart. That should be it, right? Things should start on an up swing now? I'm crossing my fingers as tightly as I can.

I applied for twenty jobs today. And my minions (aka my amazing friends and wonderful family) are sending out feelers to find me something, too. I figure if I can apply for fifteen or twenty jobs a day for the next couple of weeks, at least one of them has to call me for an interview, right? Granted, it's kind of exhausting to apply for tons and tons of jobs, but you gotta do what you gotta do, right? And right now, I gotta do what I gotta do.

Admittedly, I feel a little dirty about it. I'm really bad at selling myself. I'm hoping that I've made my resume pretty enough that people can see from it that I have about a billion talents that I could offer to any corporate setting. Or academic setting. I applied to Universities, too. And a vet's office. And I think my cover letter is professional and confident without being cocky, so hopefully, that will work in my favor, too. Hopefully, also, they won't all get together and compare my cover letters and realize that they're all essentially the same, save a sentence or two here and there.

So the next question is, approximately how long after submitting an application do people usually call for interviews? As in, if I hear nothing in the next two weeks, should I assume they're not interested? Or are they still just gathering applications and reviewing them? It's probably different from job to job and I should just keep sending out resumes until I have a letter of offer in my hands.

Thanks, guys, for all of your help. If you wouldn't mind keeping your fingers crossed for just a little longer, I'd appreciate it.

Whoever thought up moms was a genius. Think about it. Here's this person who lets you grow inside her body for nine months, wreaking havoc on her own physiology at the same time, mind you, and then once you're outside, she loves you and cares for you and protects you for the rest of her life. And she's happy to do it. She cleans up your messes and makes sure you get enough to eat and buys you fun little things for birthdays and holidays and she listens when you need to talk and she never runs out of hugs and kisses for you. Pretty cool, huh?

So happy Mother's Day to all of the moms out there. New moms and seasoned expert moms alike, we'd be nowhere without you. Thank you for everything that you do.

And to my mom in particular, thank you. I love you very much. I wish all the rest of you got to meet my mom 'cuz she's a pretty amazing person. But for now, I'll just go spend some time with her. All of the rest of you should call your moms or go visit them today and remind them of how much you love them. 'Cuz moms are pretty great.

Happy Mother's Day!

I got my car back yesterday! Hooray! And I got sunburnt in the process! Not so hooray! Meh, it's not that bad. Shoulders, chest, and back (a little). I was out walking wearing a tank top, so I have some pretty interesting "tan" lines on my upper body. If you can call them "tan" lines when some of your skin is fish-belly white and some of it is lobster red. I'm just all about aquatic life today.

I do want to say another quick thank you for the support I've gotten through this. I didn't take it all very well, and my mom, my grandma, and my friends were great. So thanks, guys.

Okay, now some random.

I was audience to probably the most brilliant conversation ever last night. It was about the word "overneath" and whether or not it's a real word and if it is a real word, what on earth would it mean. Yes, it's an oxymoronic compound word, but the way these guys were talking last night, they came up with six or seven perfectly legitimate definitions for it, some with visual aids. I'm not even going to try to recreate the conversation here, except to quote my one friend, "So the lettuce is not overneath the bun, the bun is overneath the lettuce." I'm pretty sure I pissed off every dog in a three mile radius I was laughing so hard. And man, did I need that.

Side note: for those of you who have not heard me laugh really hard, I squeak. I've been compared to hamsters, dolphins, guinea pigs, the air being let out of a balloon, all kinds of things. It's a very unique laugh and, according to the guy at the table next to us last night, "contagious." Someday I'll go on Letterman or something and he'll make me laugh really hard and you'll all get to hear it. It can be startling if you're not expecting it. Personally, I love it. Mostly because I really do enjoy laughing.

And if I may bring the post down a bit, I'd like to talk about infidelity for a moment. I don't understand it. Okay, let's say you're in a relationship with person A. You've been together for a long time and you love each other a lot, and then you meet person B and start fooling around with person B. Do you not love person A anymore? If you don't, why not break up before messing around with person B? The history that you've had with person A should at least merit that you try not to hurt them intentionally, yes? And trust me, it hurts a lot worse when someone leaves you for someone else than it does when someone leaves you because it just wasn't right. I've been dumped for both reasons, and being cheated on is worse.

I'm not going to speak to whether or not it's possible to love more than one person at a time. It's entirely possible, for all I know. So if you are in love with person A and person B at the same time, don't you think everybody deserves to know what's going on? To me, love includes respect and a desire to not hurt the other person, and keeping one partner in the dark neither shows respect nor keeps them from being hurt because they will find out, probably from someone else, and they'll be pissed that you didn't say anything. Now, if person A and person B are both okay with it, really okay with it, then more power to you. But I think that kind of situation requires a lot of open, honest communication. Or that you live in Utah.

So let's say you don't want to leave person A because you don't know if things will work out with person B. First of all, that's really selfish of you to play with two people like that. It's okay to shop around for a new job while you still have one, but it's not okay to shop around for another person when you have a great one. And if you're not sure things will work out with person B, then why are you messing around with them in the first place? For the newness of it? The excitement? The spark? If those things are missing from your relationship with person A to the extent you need to look elsewhere for them, then maybe you shouldn't be with person A. Or maybe you need to have a nice long conversation with person A so you can work things out as a couple. Messing around with person B does not constitute working things out.

So yeah. I don't understand infidelity. No, I'm not perfect. I have once or twice made out with someone who was involved with someone else. Never more than once with the same person, and usually initiated by the other person, not me. I've not cheated on any of my boyfriends. If I find my attractions going elsewhere, I talk to him about it and/or end the relationship before I do anything else. It's not fair to play people like that and really, it will just come back to bite you in the ass later.

Anywhen. "Overneath." Stew on that for a while and enjoy.

The thing is this. If I quit, I would be missed. I'm not saying that to be egotistical. Trust me, I have no ego at this point. But I would be missed. I don't think it's fair of me to not share my talents, you know? I went and played at the sammich shop yesterday, feeling like shit, afraid to sing too loud because really, wouldn't these people rather just eat their lunches? And one woman asked for my web address so she can come check out a show. Another boy gave me two dollars. And yet another patron said he may have an open slot at a show in June, so I gave him my card and he sent me an email about it. The show is not confirmed, but still. Even playing shitty, I got a new fan, two dollars, and a possible gig. How can I not play? How can I give it up? Granted, those people, having never heard me, would not miss me. But I brought a little something good into their lives and isn't that what it's all about anyway?

So I'm crossing my fingers that one of the jobs I applied for pans out. And I'm doing my absolute best to stay strong and believe in myself. It's not easy, you know? And I know this all sounds overly dramatic, but my self-image has just been taking beating after beating as of late and it wears on you. I'm still healthy. I still have a place to live and food to eat. I have some wonderful friends and an amazing family. By most counts, I'm way ahead of the game. I have to remember that. And I have to remember that talents like mine are meant to be shared. The absolute worst thing I could do is ignore them or keep them to myself.

Still. If you wouldn't mind keeping your fingers crossed for me on the job front, I'd appreciate it. Thanks!

So yesterday was nothing short of hellish for me. In the physical sense, I'm fine. Nobody died or was hurt or anything, so I guess maybe the word hellish is a little strong. But it was a pretty awful day. I went out to my car to go to work and the driver's side door kind of fell off. Not all the way off like in that junker car commercial, but enough so that it was then not closeable. I knew it was having some problems, but it went from a little stiff to an inch or so misaligned within two days. And I knew that my passenger door was shot, but really, who needs a passenger door? I don't drive people places. So I called roadside assistance through my insurance and they sent a tow truck who took me out to a dealership who told me I needed to go to a body shop who told me that the cost of the repairs might be more than the value of the car and as it turns out, they were probably right. But I can't afford to take on a car payment right now. I just can't. Not with the four dollars a day I'm making at my current job. I was doing some calculations the other day and I'm really not making any money at my current job. Enough to eek out a living. And with the problems I'm having finding a drummer, the supplemental income is pathetic at best. So I really can't afford to take on a car payment right now; my only real choice is to fix my current car. Which they were right, will cost me approximately an arm and a leg. Their original estimate was for an arm, a leg, and four fingers off of the other hand, but I talked them down from the fingers to just an arm and a leg. See, essentially, the hinges on my door were frozen. Yet another reason to be bitter about the extended cold spell we've been having in Chicago. And because of regular wear on frozen hinges, there is nothing about my doors that is salvageable. Or, if we did try to salvage them, they'd crap out again in a month or so. So my two-door car needs two new doors. Fifty percent of the exterior of my car needs to be replaced. Which, if you think about it, an arm and a leg is probably a fair price for half of the exterior of a car. But in talking them down from the four fingers, she may not look so pretty when they're done with her. The paint may not match exactly and some of the existing damage to the fenders may not be banged out completely. So even after paying an arm and a leg to get my car fixed, I may end up driving around in something ghetto-tastic. Hooray.

I do want to take a minute to say, though, that this whole thing has shown me that I have some really amazing people in my life. My mom is going to help me through this financially, and I can't even tell you how much that eased the blow. Yes, I'm still going to pay her back, but to know that I can pay my mom back instead of sinking into the black hole that is credit card debt is a huge load off of my mind. And my grandmother is letting me borrow her car for a couple of days until mine is fixed, which is also a huge help, especially since I need to have a show costumed by Monday. And my best friend let me call about a million times yesterday just to vent and freak out, and I'm so grateful to her for that. So through all of this, if I have nothing else, I do have an amazing support system, so thank you guys for that. You have no idea what that means to me. Thank you.

But still, it's frustrating. I was just starting to feel like I have my head above water again and bam! Gone. I'm now looking at another couple of years of debt. A couple more years of no fun, random vacations. A couple more years of scrimping so that I can just eek out a living. I'm so tired of that. So tired. And honestly, it makes me feel like a failure. I know I have all of these skills, both artistic and practical, and you'd think that as smart as I am, I'd be able to put something together that made me happy (or at least didn't depress me) and allowed me to live with some level of comfort and adventure. But it's just not happening. I need a different job, is what I need, and it is most likely going to be something that I hate, but that pays me more money. It will probably be something that I have to drive to. It will probably be something for which I have to wear pantyhose on occasion. It will probably be something that will prevent me from playing at the sammich shop anymore. At least not on Fridays. And it will probably be something that will make me hate my station in life again. But if my other option is to do something that makes me marginally happy but doesn't allow me the opportunity to buy musical equipment or get headshots reproduced or pay for studio time, then is it really worth it? I hate that money has become so important to me.

So I got drunk last night. I did everything I had to do yesterday, on time, and with pinache. And then I came home and drank the bottle of wine that I got for Christmas. And I watched three movies that have me in them. I really am good. I'm a very talented actor and a very talented musician and a very smart person and a very kind person and a very funny person and a very loved person and I feel like a total failure because the cost of car repairs is going to set me back another two years.

If you know of anyone who is hiring, please let me know. I've already sent out over a dozen resumes, so keep your fingers crossed that one of them comes through, too. At this point, I'll do just about anything.

Today, I have to wish a very happy birthday to my brother. I know I say this every year, but he really is a cool person and I really do wish I got to hang out with him more. We're both busy, though, and it seems silly, but the city/suburb divide is a lot wider than people want to think it is.

But happy birthday to my brother. I love you and hope you have a wonderful day.

Rabbit, rabbit!

Happy May, everybody. I can hardly believe it's May. Mostly because it really hasn't gotten warm in Chicago until about this week. And seeing as it is a new month and I'm tired of this sort of funk I've been in, I'm going to talk about the funk and what I'm doing to make myself feel better for a bit.

I think part of the funk comes from the fact that I have, essentially, been cold since October. And while I do enjoy the comfort of a big sweatshirt, seven months of wearing a minimum of four layers at any given time tends to make one feel decidedly not sexy. I don't think anyone has seen my waistline in months. I need it to get warm so I can wear cute outfits and feel like a girl. Feel attractive. It's been nicer this week and I've been wearing cuter clothes and it really is helping. I'm not going overboard, but I'm looking a little more girly in a very Kitty way.

I took a trip to my favorite vegetable store this weekend, too, and walked out with a huge grocery bag of fruit and veggies, a lot of it organic, for fifteen dollars. So my fridge is stocked with good, healthy food. I'm trying to be more conscious of what I eat and how much of it I eat at any given time. In general, I eat pretty healthy, but I think I eat too much. So I'm trying to just be conscious of that. I tried keeping a food diary for a few days, but that made my whole life about food and I don't want that. I just want to be able to stop eating chips after a serving or two instead of after the whole bag, you know? So I'm feeling good about that. Bringing back big salads and eating more whole grains and lentils and stuff again. Fresh tomatoes. Actually cooking food. It makes a difference when you take the time to prepare a meal for yourself. Like a little present that's good for your body and spirit.

I'm also exercising more. Trying to walk and/or ride my exercise bike daily. I walked to work this morning. I even did some light weight lifting last night because while I do have pretty good shoulders, I'd like to have kickass shoulders.

And I finally told off the last guy who really hurt me. He tried to apologize for it some time ago, but it was weak. I just kind of let that go, but then I realized that for my own sake, I needed to tell him why the way he treated me was so wrong. So I did. In an email. I'm not sure if it sunk in or not, but at least I got to say it, you know? So maybe I can let it go now.

I'm still looking for a drummer, yes. But I also applied to host an open mic once every other week. That could be fun. I haven't written anything for my book in a couple of days, but I do have that going, too. And I've been listening to really good music again, plotting a trip on undetermined dates to see a show. And today I might try to get a new dress to wear to a wedding I have to go to this weekend. I have one I could wear, though it might be a little tart-ish. If I could find something else that's not too expensive, that would be fun.

So yeah, I'm eating better and exercising more. Trying to look cute. Trying to make sure I still get to be creative even if I don't have a drummer. I'll let you know how it all works out.

I hope you all are doing well and enjoying nice, springtime/summertime weather.

So I'm hatching a plan to take a mini-vacation, maybe only about 24 hours to go see someone who won't be expecting me and probably won't even know that I'm there. Sounds stalker-ish, huh? It's not. I'd go to see a concert by a musician who keeps not coming to Chicago, but who I would really like to see play live. I'm not sure when I'll go -- it will depend on the musician's show schedule. But even just thinking about going is really exciting to me. Something fun and random to look forward to, you know? Am I crazy? Probably. But who wouldn't want to jump on a plane, see a show, and come back home? It's kind of romantic when you think about it. And let's be honest -- good music is worth it.

I'll keep you posted.

Men should not wear skinny jeans. Unless maybe you're Ewan McGregor in Trainspotting, but even then, they weren't all that. But in general, I know skinny jeans are the thing now, but men should not be allowed to wear them. It's just not pretty.

I'm tired.

I'm sorry, but I need to bitch for a minute.

I'm tired. Just tired. I'm tired of working every day of every week for months on end. It wouldn't be so bad if more of it was stuff that I love to do, but I'm finding less and less time to do the things that I love so I can do things that will pay my rent. It's frustrating. I'm tired of not having a drummer and constantly being on the lookout for one. I'm tired of costumes. I'm tired of the Cubs not winning (though yesterday was certainly a step in the right direction). And I'm tired of something new going wrong every day. I find out today that the website address I've had on MySpace for who knows how long now, years?, was reassigned without my knowledge to the personal account of a woman living in New Hampshire. I sent an email to customer service and am waiting to hear back. I'm afraid they are going to tell me that there's nothing they can do about it, in which case, I have to change all kinds of promotional materials. If it wasn't such a useful tool, I'd delete my account and tell them to go piss up a tree if they respond like that. They better be able to fix it. They better fix it now. I know MissKitty is a popular screen name, but for me, it's actually my name. People have called me that since I was a kid. Not to mention the fact that I laid claim to the name years ago. I got there first, therefore, it's mine.

Fuck. Sorry. I'm tired. And I'm getting sick. And I have to babysit this meeting happening in my office today that I really don't want to have to babysit.

I need a vacation.

And I have to talk baseball for a minute.

What the hell?

We're hitting home runs. Lee and Ramirez have amongst the highest batting averages in the league. We're scoring small ball runs, too. We've gotten some really excellent starts out of our pitchers and even our bullpen has been doing a decent job most of the time. We've made some really great defensive plays. On paper, we're a great team. So why are the Cubs last in their division? Why aren't we winning games? It's not because the fans aren't cheering loud enough. It's not due to injuries (yet). There's just something that's not happening and for the life of me, I don't know what it is and it's starting to drive me crazy. I keep thinking that it's only April, that we have the whole rest of the season to get it together. But it's hard to watch them lose every day, especially coming after a season like last year, especially when we brought in all of this new blood and new energy. Hell, even our rookies are doing well. Why aren't we winning?

If you've got any insight, I'd be glad to hear it. Otherwise, I'm going to go adopt a goat and make a deal with the management.

I had my second Moby dream in about a week and a half last night. This one was decidedly less dirty than the first one, but in a way, it creeped me out more. We were in some sort of class together, I sat behind him, and just through off-hand comments I was making and whatnot, we got to talking and I could see him falling in love with me. It took a while before I kind of got comfortable with that and then we were just talking like we had been friends for a long time, and the more we talked, the less he looked like Moby. I kept having to remind myself that that's who I was talking to because he was becoming less and less attractive to me.

Which kind of makes me wonder, when put in conjunction with recent events, am I turned off by people who love me too much? I do have my close circle of friends (the big three as I like to refer to them in my head), and if I think about it, I'm pretty sure there was a time when I was a little freaked out by how close we were and I pushed them away for a little while, but then got over myself and now we're great friends. And I know my family loves me. But when it comes to a potential partner, am I really ready to let someone in like that? Or am I just reading too much into a dream I had about a conversation in chemistry class with a rock star?

I dunno. Something to think about.

Go see Hot Fuzz. That's really all I can say about that. Go see it. You won't regret the time or the money. It's just...yeah. Go see it.

So yesterday I got to "phone in" to a radio talk show in New York to talk about body image issues. Trying to put some positive vibes out there, you know, because I think the idea that women should look like pre-pubescent boys is ridiculous. Anyway. If you want to take a listen (and perhaps learn more about me that I might be comfortable with you knowing, but oh well), it will air on WBZB 98.5 in New York on Saturday, April 21 at midnight. Which would technically be Sunday morning, I guess, but whatever. If you don't happen to live in New York, you can listen online here. I believe. I did a Google search for the station and I think that's it. So anyway, take a listen and then maybe go tell all of the women in your life that they are beautiful. Because they are.

So I'm going to be on the radio in New York today. Sadly, I can't remember the call numbers of the station, or I'd tell you all to tune in. I'll keep you posted on where you can perhaps hear it after the fact. But anyway, I'm going to be on air talking about women's body image issues. We all know I've had issues pretty much my whole life and I'm tired of them, so I thought maybe it was time to put some positive energy into the universe on this topic. I know logically that all of my issues are in my head, but I've been struggling with them a lot again lately, especially as I'm getting older and I'm trying to sell myself to an industry that still thinks I need to look like a lollipop to be worth anything.

I want very much to be a positive voice for women's body issues. To scream from the mountain tops that women are supposed to have breasts and hips. To lambast the fashion industry for telling us all otherwise, and for not making clothes that fit real women. To force feed models and teenagers until the need for clothing in a size 0 disappears. To let young girls know that whatever they look like, however much they weigh, however bad their skin gets during puberty, no matter what the boys say, no matter what the other girls say, that they are beautiful and that they have the potential to do anything. I want my best friend's baby girl to grow up loving herself and being proud of what she looks like as well as who she is.

So I'm going on the radio today to talk about some of the absolutely ludicrous things that go through my head when I look in the mirror. I don't have a cure yet for a negative body image problem, but I'm working on it. And maybe if I can show other people how ridiculous it's gotten, they can work on it, too. I hope. Women are beautiful, damn it. Every single one of us.

I get to go to my first Cubs game of the season today and I'm so excited. I'm going with another big time, long time fan, so it should be a lot of fun. And we actually got a decent day for a game, too. I'm just worried that since they won 12-4 yesterday, that they'll be runned-out for today. They do that sometimes -- the day after a blow out win, they can't put a run together to save their lives. Here's hoping today doesn't go like that. I do get to see Maddux pitch, though. Not for the Cubs -- he's the opposition today. But it'll be nice to see number 31 back on the mound (even if he is in the wrong uniform).

Couple quick birthday shout outs -- Fucknut's was a couple of days ago. Happy happy. And my clown friend's birthday is today. Happy happy.

And I know that it seems kind of trite to talk about baseball and birthdays when 32 people were shot and killed in Virgina yesterday, but it's one of those things I can't really fathom. You see the video on the news where you can hear the gunfire, but it looks like a movie. You hear the people talk about it, the one woman in the classroom who laid on the floor and pretended she was dead so the gunman wouldn't shoot her and...how do you wrap your head around that? She was so nonchalant in her interview, too, like it was a perfectly normal thing to do, to lie on the ground and pretend you're dead until it's all over. I want to know how all of those people are doing today. I want them all to know that I'm thinking about them. I want the families of the victims to know that they are in my heart. And probably just like everyone else in the country, I'm hoping they find some kind of note or journal or something that can try to explain why he went on this rampage. Why he targeted that class. Why he targeted that dorm. Why he felt that mass murder was his only option.

We do everything we can to make schools safe places of learning, but sometimes, there's just nothing you can do. It makes me sad that the students there will be afraid to go to their classes for the rest of their careers there. It makes me sad that so many didn't get to graduate because of one man's pain. And the faculty that was killed won't get to share their knowledge with eager young minds anymore. And none of them get to hang out with their friends and families. Because of one man. What was so horribly wrong in your life that this was the best choice?

Sorry. That's why I was talking baseball and birthdays today.

My heart goes out to all of the students at Virginia Tech and their families.

So in an effort to make my house feel cleaner to me, I started going through my filing cabinet to sort and weed things out. In the process, I found a lot of things that I have written, mostly in college. Conversations that could be plays, or the start of plays. Stories that could be compiled into a book. Essays that are just plain funny. And it made me realize that I am a really good writer. I've been blogging for so long, just randomly putting my thoughts on the page, that I had forgotten that I have a really good imagination and I am a good writer. I think I'd also convinced myself that I'm not good at it because I don't write in the same style as the rest of the people in my theater company. My humor is more subtle. But that shouldn't stop me from writing. That shouldn't make me feel like I can't write. I actually have some ideas kicking around in my head that I think I'm going to start working on, whether they be for my current theater company or not. I need to not have that audience or stage in mind as I write. I need to just write and see what happens. Who knows? Maybe in a couple of years, in addition to having an album out, I'll have a book of short stories to publish. Hit all the major media outlets at once. Woo hoo!

So it's slushing outside. Not raining, not snowing, not sleeting, but slushing. Seriously, get your your flavor syrups, throw some on your car or on the ground, scoop it up and you have a lovely summertime treat. Except it is decidedly not summertime in Chicago. As I said, it's slushing outside today. I was supposed to go to the Cubs game, too, but it got canceled. Which is maybe a good thing, considering the fact that it is slushing outside. And it has given me many opportunities to learn that "canceled" only has one "l."

Cubs home opener and it's snowing.

I love Chicago.

It's always a learning experience, you know? If you can learn something from it, then it wasn't for naught. So what did I learn?

I want to be challenged.
I want to feel it in my toes.
I want to be pushed to be more than I am.
There are people out there who even introverts want to be with all the time.
No matter how appealing it might be, if it's not 100% what I want, I'm not going to take it.

God, I sound like an uppity bitch, don't I?

On a totally unrelated note, happy Easter. As I kid, I never understood the whole Easter thing. How did Jesus go from being born to being an adult and hated and crucified in three months? And I know there's this whole thing in the Christian church about burying people three days after they died because Christ rose three days after he died. So Good Friday happened, yes? And he died around sundown on Friday night? And Sunday morning when they came to clean his body, they found the stone had been rolled away and his body was gone? That's not three days. That's a day and a half at best. Where did the three days thing come from? And the whole bunnies and eggs thing has to be another pagan tradition that Christians adopted so as to not seem too strange. We didn't really do Easter presents at my house. I think I got a new Easter dress once or twice, and we did color eggs and hide them around the house while we ate WAY too many jelly beans, but somehow, as religious as my father is/was, Easter never felt like a really big deal to me as a kid. Maybe because it was a different day every year that seemed kind of arbitrarily picked. Christmas is always the same day. The Fourth of July is always the same day. Memorial Day, Labor Day, and Easter fluxuate from year to year, which to me, made them feel like lesser holidays.

But I'll give you a big smooshy kiss if you can spot all eight-seven reasons in this one entry alone why I'm going to hell.

There is very little in this world that can't be solved with chocolate pudding.

So Houston was exactly what I needed. Thank you so much to my friends down there for sharing their house and their lives with me for a couple of days. I love you guys and miss you already. And if you could clone your dog for me, that would be great.

Seriously, if I could have a dog like that, I'd be a total dog person. Anyway.

I know I promised you more brain droppings about my trip and they are still coming. I wrote about five pages in my paper journal about it, and I have to weed out what is too sappy to put up here and what is okay. But in the meantime, I want to say that I kind of rediscovered my other favorite bald musician on the plane on the way home and I love rediscovering your favorite musicians like that. Remembering the first time you saw them live. Hearing all of the tunes again with new ears. Getting excited about what tunes are yet to come. Watching videos and remembering what a great smile or sensibility an artist has that makes you respect them as a person, not just a musician. Yeah. If it's kosher to say, I have an artist crush on this musician, too. If he'd let me, I'd buy him a beer. But I'd make him talk to me while he drank it, so it might not be such an appealing offer. Anyway. Go check out his stuff. It really is good music and he really is a good person.

What is it they say about making new friends and keeping the old? What is it when you reacquaint yourself with old friends so they feel like new friends?

Oh, and I decided that I need more girl friends. Good girl friends. Who live close by. I love my Texas friend so much and I love our friendship -- it's unlike any other friendship I've ever had -- and it's hard to not be able to hug her more often, you know? Anyway. I need more artistic, wonderful, intelligent women in my life. Just something for me to keep in mind.

Hey.

So I'm in Houston with my wonderful best friend and her beautiful baby girl and her super fun puppy (who isn't really a puppy) and her groovy husband and I love it. I wrote more about being in Texas in my paper journal yesterday and I'll put it in here later. I had a lot to think about during my four or five hour layover in Dallas that I should share with you, but at the moment, I think I'm going to get up and go about my day. Day full of puppy and baby and girl talk. Puppies and babies and girl talk, oh my! Puppies and babies and girl talk, oh my!

Tee hee.

Happy April. And happy opening day! Go Cubbies!

I bought myself a present yesterday. A USB hub. So now I can surf the net and print things out at the same time.

It's too much happiness.

Okay, so I have to say that what I like about the Cubs this year is that the opening day roster was based on performance in spring training, not on names. Yes, Prior was a great pitcher, but he wasn't up to snuff, so they put him in Iowa. I also like it that Pinella says they're not married to their opening day roster any longer than nine days. I have this feeling that he really will let the best guys play ball, and I think that is what the Cubs have needed for a long time. Someone who will say, "Look, yes you're our highest paid player, but you're slumping and this guy is hot, so we're going to let him start a few games until you get your mojo back. And we'll help you get your mojo back, too."

I'm excited. Monday! Of course, I'll be in Houston on Monday meeting my best friend's new baby girl (yay!), but I'll record the game or something. Yes, it's been fun to see a couple of spring training games, but I'm still geeked for the actual season to start. It's our year, baby. It's our year.

Side note: if spring training is any indication, this is NOT the White Sox' year. They've got the worst record in the league. Sorry Southsiders.

But not really.

Tee hee.

Okay, y'all may just have to bear with me as I post every Wednesday about how wonderful music is and how lucky I am to get to make some really great music with some amazing, talented musicians. It's because we practice on Tuesday nights and I can't tell you how much I need, love, and look forward to those practices. I find myself wondering, "Did I really write this song? Do these guys really believe that much in the music?" And the answers to both questions seem to be yes. I wrote these songs that these guys believe in and enjoy and just turn into some really amazing music. We're developing a really cool sound that I can totally hear on the radio, even though I never in a million years thought my stuff would be on the radio, or listened to, or considered good. And I'm having so much fun with them. We're having really productive practices, covering a lot of ground and getting really solid in the songs. We're up to about five now that I'd be comfortable playing out with them (minus the drums -- it's a Spinal Tap story, I swear), and I can't wait to add more. We're going to take the music world by storm, I guarantee that.

Which brings me to why music is so wonderful in general. I never would have met these guys if not for music and they are great people. And even though we have different jobs and lives and interests and stuff, we're brought together by our mutual love of making music. We all just like to play. So once a week, we get together and practice until we're exhausted, but it's the good kind of exhausted. It's therapy. It's three hours out of my week wherein I just get to be happy and do what I love to do. I get to sing and play and laugh and goof off and just have fun. And seeing as they are my songs, I get to sing them how I want to sing them. We tweak until I'm happy. Though I have to say, most of the time, there isn't a lot of tweaking involved. The stuff my boys come up with...I'm so in love with them. But yeah, it's like a little weekly vacation. Some me time, spent doing what I love to do, making something wonderful to put into the world.

When I have children, they will grow up in a house full of music. And if they want to participate in any way, shape, or form, they will be more than welcome. But there will always be music in the house. It's one of the greatest gifts I can give them.

I really am blessed, you know? I need to remind myself of that from time to time.

Kitty, you really are blessed. Stop worrying because it's all going to be okay.

I have no idea how I got so lucky as to work with the most amazing musicians in Chicago, but I did. I seriously don't have the words to describe how much I love my band! We had practice last night (sans new drummer, due to flat tire incident -- it's kind of Spinal Tap, but every band needs a story, yes?) wherein we worked on specific songs, just screwing around with them, messing with sounds, making sure everyone knows the changes and whatnot and somehow, these guys were able to pull out of my brain just what I think the songs should sound like. I'd like to think that they come up with all of this groovy stuff and I fine tune it, but I don't know if that's being too picky or pushy of me or whatever. I think feedback is important. But seriously, if you think Insomnia, Skyrocket and Astoria Park sounded good before, you should hear them with my band. They're rockin'! I honestly don't have the words to say how much I love these guys and what they are doing with my music. And really, it can only get better with percussion. Look out, world! We're going to take the music scene by storm!

Tee hee.

Okay, more in the way of lists.

1- Green tea really is wonderful. I know I tend to tout white tea a lot, and more people should, but green tea is really nice, too. I finally broke down and bought a big box of it to bring into work so I can have green tea instead of the super sweet apple raspberry tea (or whatever it is) that my boss has at his house. Yes, I work in a home office. So what? It means I get to play with beagles daily.

2- Beagles are great.

3- I think I have a drummer. This guy auditioned last week and was awesome and we offered him a spot in the band and he called last night to accept. Yay! Now I gotta spend some quality time doing some shameless self-promotion to get us gigs. Oh, yeah. And we have to practice so we know how to play the songs.

4- Yeah, me too.

5- I'm so ready for spring. It was seventy degrees last week one day, and then it snowed the next day. Today it's 40, and tomorrow is supposed to be in the 60s (albeit rainy). But yeah, I'm so ready for spring.

6- If the people who just won the lottery are looking for something in which to invest, studio time for my band would be a great idea. I'm just sayin'.

7- I kind of wish I had a boyfriend with a motorcycle. I have several friends with motorcycles so I'll probably get to ride at least once this summer, but I do like riding on the back of motorcycles, tasteless as it may seem. I don't think I'd ever want to learn how to ride one myself, but I do like to ride them when someone else is doing the driving part.

8- There is a really big audition on Sunday that I could go to, but I probably won't get, so I'm debating even going. I know I should, just for the sake of going. On the other hand, it's a singing audition and we all know I suck at those. I guess we'll see how I feel about it on Sunday.

9- I need to clean my apartment. Like move furniture and sweep behind it kind of clean. And believe it or not, I may have some time to dedicate to that coming up soon. Yay!

10- I get to meet my Texas friend's baby in two weeks. Less than two weeks. I'm so excited!

11- I think that's most of it. At least for now. Thank you guys for coming here to read this stuff, and thank you for your never ending support. Keep your fingers crossed just a little longer; big things are on the way, I promise!

Hey.

So this one is going to be random and scattered 'cuz I've been thinking a lot lately and not posting a lot lately, so yeah. Lots of stuff. Maybe I should do a list, like Moby does. Here goes:

1 - If you get panic attacks, I'm sorry. If you don't get them, be very happy. If you do get them, my only words of advice are to do whatever your panic attack is telling you to do (as long as it is not destructive). Get out of the situation you are in that is causing the attack. Breathe. Sit and stare at nothing for twenty minutes if you can't make yourself move. Breathe. Drink water. Breathe. And remember that it will go away and you will be fine soon.

2 - It bothers me that St. Patrick's Day is all about drinking. People who are not Irish, who have no ties to Ireland, becoming drunken sots for a day while wearing kelly green outfits with silly sayings on them. I am Irish. Not 100%, but my heritage is kind of confusing, so I play up the Irish a little bit because I don't know what all of the other parts are. And for me, being Irish is about overcoming adversity. Yes, that often happens with the assistance of alcohol, but it bothers me when trixies who have spent their entire lives being handed everything they could ever want on a silver platter pretend to be Irish for a day so they have an excuse to get drunk. They don't need an excuse to get drunk. And they most likely don't know what adversity even means. I'm not saying I'm an expert on hardship, but there is more to being Irish than drinking. That's like saying the only thing to celebrate for Mexican Independence Day is tacos. Eating a taco does not make you Mexican. Drinking on St. Patrick's Day does not make you Irish.

2.5 - Side note: this year on St. Patrick's Day, I had a panic attack, so I went home, drank a Guinness, and ate a vegan shepard's pie. Now, I know that Guinness is not a vegan beer, and to all of the vegans out there reading this, I apologize. 364 days out of the year, I do everything in my power to avoid as many non-vegan things as I can. I don't wear animal products. I don't buy products made from or tested on animals. I don't eat honey. I don't eat gelatin. I don't eat things that have touched animal products. But on St. Patrick's Day, I am even more proud of the fact that I am Irish than I am of the fact that I am vegan, so I drink a Guinness. This pride does not extend to eating corned beef and cabbage, or even a shepard's pie that contains meat. It just extends to one Guinness, one day a year. I know a lot of you eat honey or will just take the cheese off a pizza or whatever, and I don't begrudge you that. Please don't begrudge me my yearly Guinness.

3 - Would you rather have a lifetime of the highest highs and lowest lows, or a lifetime spent on an even keel, more on the happy side than the sad side, but in general even?

4 - I'm ready for something big to happen. Please keep your fingers crossed for me that it happens soon.

I think that's it. I should "work." "Now."

Hey.

So my brain isn't working quite right today, so I'm going to post something that may be controversial and get me into trouble in the distant future. But it is an honest question that I have.

So there is this celebrity who has now adopted three children from third world countries. On the one hand, I think that is quite admirable. She's giving these kids a life they never would have been able to have otherwise. But on the other hand, I'm kind of wondering when she's going to stop. She just had her own biological child not too long ago, too. And while I think it's great that her family is so multi-cultural, and while I know that she has more money than most countries around the world have in their annual budgets, I'm forced to wonder how many children are too many, you know? Kids are a handful. They need a lot of time and attention. Ask any of those parents who couldn't conceive so they went to a fertility specialist and had seven babies. Kids are a lot of work, especially when they're all about the same age. You get into jealousy issues and neglect issues (whether or not the child is neglected, they can feel that way sometimes if they feel too much of the parental time is directed at the other kids). And then there's the fact that these kids are being taken from one atypical life to another atypical life. The majority of children who are adopted don't go to live in a huge Hollywood mansion where they never have to worry about money or food or anything ever again. Most adopted kids aren't watched all the time by paparazzi. Most kids, nay, most people aren't watched all the time by paparazzi. While I'm sure this celebrity is a very loving mother and she takes wonderful care of her children, adopted and biological, I'm just wondering if it's really the best situation for the kids. Yes, it's better than where they were living. But I'm thinking there has to be some happy medium between absolute poverty and the glamor of a Hollywood mom.

Of course, I could be wrong about all of it and if I am, I will apologize in person if necessary. I'm just curious.

Oh! And if I'm allowed to be childish and juvenile for just a minute, is it wrong that I'm getting a sick pleasure out of the fact that the Cubs are 7-6 in their spring training games thus far, while the Sox are 5-11?

Yes, I am that petty. But only about baseball.

So one of the top top military guys in the United States stands firmly behind the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy towards gays and thinks that gays should not be allowed to serve in the military.

Okay, first of all, I said this back when there was the whole debate about should we include women in the draft, and I think it applies here, too. If someone really wants to fight and die in the name of protecting their country, why deny them that right? Lord knows there are plenty of us who wouldn't do that; why discriminate against those who want to? And aren't we running short on troops anyway, due to the disaster that's been going on in Iraq for the last six years? How about instead of instituting a draft to get men and women who don't want to fight to go do a crappy job over there, we just let all of the people who want to go over and fight, go over and fight? Stop telling the patriotic people that they're not allowed to show their patriotism. Seems like a no brainer to me. Besides, not to be too stereotypical, but it seems to me that if there was such a thing as a "breeding ground for homosexuality," the military and prison would be the two places it would happen.

Aside: I don't believe that people "become" gay. I think most people know when they are very young, or that the circumstances of one's life lead someone to fall in love with someone of the same sex. I don't think that watching gay porn or talking to gay people or working with gay people will make you gay. It's not a disease and it's not contagious. I do think that there is a lot of closeted homosexuality in the military, often times in people who don't know how to handle their feelings, so they turn it into homophobia instead of a healthy relationship with a consenting partner. But seriously, let's say you are one of these uber-homophobic closeted homosexuals. Where are you going to feel most comfortable hiding? Surrounded by men doing really manly things like driving tanks and blowing shit up. Right?

I'm coming off really awful, aren't I? I don't mean to be. I think the general who is against gays in the military is being silly. He says he thinks homosexuality is amoral. Like invading another country and slaughtering thousands of people is moral. Dude, you need to reexamine your moral code because something is way out of whack. Last I checked (granted, I'm not a practicing Christian, but I do know something about it), Jesus told people to love one another, not blow one another to little bits. Call me crazy, but yeah. Let those who want to fight fight. And let those who want to love, love whoever they choose.

So I know that the Cubs start Cactus League play today and that there is a game on television on a channel I can watch on Monday, but on a whim, I turned my radio to WGN as I was on a lunch run, just to see if the game was on, and lo and behold, it is! I caught it in the first inning! Top of the first. And I can't tell you how wonderful it is to hear Pat and Ron chatting away. Talking about fun plays that I wish I could see. But it's like having my best friends back. I almost started crying with joy hearing baseball on the radio.

I'm really getting psycho about this, aren't I? Oh well. Everyone needs an obsession. If mine is Chicago Cubs baseball, then so be it. I'm not hurting anyone and it just makes me happy.

Chicago Cubs and Thai food. What a great afternoon.

So I realized today that February is almost over, meaning it has been just over a year since I left my job as a paralegal in order to be an artist. I went back and looked at my blog entries from February of last year, just to see where I was and whatnot. Admittedly, I still have the money worries from time to time. But right before I left my job, I was so excited and had so much potential. Within two weeks, I was panicked, lethargic, and ready to throw in the towel. Almost. And I owe it all to the guy I was dating at the time.

Maybe.

I'd like to be able to take some of the responsibility for my feelings at that time. But the change in me was drastic. Going back and reading February of last year almost made me cry. I don't remember him ever telling me I was beautiful or talented. He never saw me perform. He saw me run tech for two shows, but he never saw me perform. I don't remember him being supportive of my career or even really interested in my life. Maybe at the very beginning in an attempt to impress me, but that didn't last very long. I remember him telling me his stories, often times the same ones, over and over and over again. I remember him telling me how busy he was, but never really asking me to participate in any of it, and never really willing to make time for me. I remember him getting distant. And then it was over. He met someone else. Another redheaded swing dancer. Someone I knew (kind of). She's a great girl; I can't really blame him for wanting to date her. But I'm a great girl, too, and somewhere, you can see it starting in those last two weeks of last February, somewhere, I lost sight of that and I don't know that I found it again yet. I don't have the faith in myself that I had before I started dating him. I don't have the enthusiasm and excitement about my career. I've settled into what is safe.

And I'm angry with him still and that pisses me off even more. I got a random text message from him today, advertising one of his shows and I didn't recognize the number, so I asked who it was and it was him and I was angry. Why the fuck would I want to go support one of his shows? I'm angry that he took my confidence. I'm angry that I let him destroy my self-image. And I'm angry that I never yelled at him or told him what a jackass he was to me. Yes, I let him do all of those things. Yes, I let him get away with it. Yes, I'm a big girl and I'm responsible for my own feelings and I knew at the time that he was a player and I should have been more careful. And I know that there are people out there who are saying, "I warned you, but you didn't want to listen." Even in my journal entries, I say I know he's going to hurt me and he did. And I let him. And he has no fucking right to ask me to come see one of his shows. Why the hell does he even still have my number? I deleted his months ago.

And I think what makes me angriest is I was a really cool person before I met him and I'm not back there yet. It's like starting all over. Rebuilding my faith in my abilities. Rebuilding my sense of self as a desirable, attractive, intelligent woman who people want to be around. I should have been putting together a band a year ago, but I didn't have the confidence in my ability to do so. I thought I was stronger than that. I thought I was better than that. I thought I was tougher than that.

So now I have a guy in my life who tells me daily that I'm beautiful and it's different from day to day whether or not I believe him. He treats me really well and I'm not sure I deserve it. And you all are going to tell me that I do and it will be different from day to day whether or not I believe you. And how do I explain to him that I'm not still hung up on the other guy, but it still makes me want to cry when I get a random text message from him because he still makes me feel worthless?

Please don't ever let a boy (or girl) make you feel worthless. You're not. And there's no telling what you'll do, where you'll go, or how hard it will be to get back once you've started down that road. If nothing else, if you need just one little thread to hang onto, please know that you mean a lot to me. I love my readers. I miss you guys when I'm not posting here every day. I need to fix that, I know. But even when I'm not posting daily, I am thinking about you and I love that you come here and read my drivel. Thank you for that. And don't ever let anyone make you feel worthless.

So I'm a little annoyed with the weather people in Chicago. They told me that the worst of the winter weather was over and then today we get a sleet storm. Not quite rain, not quite snow, but very annoying nonetheless.

And there is one particular brand of soy ice cream that makes me wonder if this is what it feels like to be lactose intolerant, 'cuz this stuff, tasty as it is, just doesn't agree with me.

And I shouldn't be allowed to watch the Oscars anymore. At least not until I'm invited to attend. But I love it that the song from Inconvenient Truth won, despite the fact that it was up against three songs from Dreamgirls. That made me happy.

And now to bed. I got an early morning and a long day ahead of me.

And done.

And.

So I need to ask for your help on something.

A couple of years ago, I appeared in a student film for a friend of mine. A really talented filmmaker, this kid. Anyway, he has now submitted it to the reality show "On the Lot," which is like Top Chef or America's Next Top Model or American Idol or whatever, but for filmmakers. I don't know all of the prizes at stake or whatever, but I do know that this guy is a really good filmmaker and he should be in this contest. In order to do that, though, we need a lot of people to go watch this film and leave comments and vote for it and stuff. You can find it here. Watch it. Enjoy it. Love it. Vote for it. Tell all of your friends to vote for it. And with any luck, we'll get it on TV.

Thanks!

Hi.

I only have a minute, but I want to share two things that I am extraordinarily happy about.

One: The outdoor air temperature is above freezing. It had been over three weeks since we'd seen 32 degrees Farenheit or above, and now we're on day two in a row of above freezing weather. All of the weather guys seem to think that the worst of the winter is behind us. We could even see 50 by the weekend. Yay!!!

Two: Spring training has started and they're reporting about baseball on the news. I got to see Mark Prior throw a pitch the other day. And I think it may have even been Mike Barrett catching it. I know I miss baseball when it's not baseball season, but I never realize how much until I see my boys in blue again, on the field, doing what they love to do. It's like seeing my best friend after years of not. All feels right with the world again because the Cubs are playing baseball. Tickets go on sale this Friday! Yay!

Hope you all are well. Gotta run and do some "work."

So happy Valentine's Day!

I'm not used to having a valentine on Valentine's Day. Usually, I don't. Or my mom or my cat or something is my valentine. I'm not used to this being a romantic day at all, so this year, I'm a little confused. Normally, I wear black on Valentine's Day, Just, you know, to wear black. Also because about 90% of my wardrobe is black, white and grey. But today, because of the confusion, I'm wearing a sort of dirty/dusty rose colored shirt, underneath my black death hoodie that has a skull on it. It's the kind of dirty/dusty rose color that a man might wear in some movie that takes place in Mexico, so it's not really that girlie. It's just a color, and I don't normally wear colors. But then we have the black death hoodie on top to counteract the girlieness of the whole ensemble. Still feels a little strange, but I'm going to try it on for a day and see what happens.

And in other news, we had a blizzard here yesterday. Not as bad as in upstate New York, mind you, but apparently a blizzard is defined as a sustained period of time (3 hours or more) with 35+ mph winds and snow. We had that yesterday at the lakefront. And surprisingly, my car was not buried. I went out to it this morning to see how awful it was and it really wasn't awful at all. Not much snow on the actual car, though there was a nice sort of wall built up around it. Fortunately for me, when I got there, the guy behind me was leaving, and he had the end spot on the block. So I dug out my car, "shoveled" aside the snow behind it (I put shoveled in quotes because I don't own a shovel -- I used my hands and the brush thingy that I had been using to wipe the snow off of my car), and backed up into the end space on the block. Meaning when I do actually go to get my car out, hopefully I can just back out and go, instead of having to do the back and forth, gun it over the mound of snow the plows built up next to it thing. But I'm still going to avoid driving as much as I can for the next couple of days. Once I get out of this spot, finding another one could prove to be a challenge.

So yeah, happy Valentine's Day. I love you guys. You know this, yes? Wherever you are, be safe and warm and let everyone you know know that you love them. Today and every day.

I know I've said it before, but I think we all need to readjust our calendars. Seriously, we're off by a month or so. It was in the sixties in December, and here we are in February anticipating a foot of snow. A foot of snow in the middle of February. This seems much more like December or January weather to me. If we all just decided, as a collective, to redo January (because let's face it, this January wasn't all that great to begin with), then our weather would make a lot more sense. And we'd all get an extra paycheck this year. And an extra month to do our taxes. I'm scared to do my taxes this year -- I know they're going to be a mess and I'm either going to end up getting a million dollars back or paying every last cent that I have. I guess I should just do them and get it out of the way, huh?

Wherever you are, I hope you're warm and safe and your taxes aren't scaring you.

I'm an aunt!

Kind of. But not really.

My best friend had her baby yesterday. Happy, healthy, beautiful little girl. My friend is sending me pictures and I have to say, she is especially cute. But then, I always knew she would be. I just wish they didn't live so far away! I can't wait to meet her!

Happy birthday, Sara. Welcome to this crazy world. Your Aunt Kitty loves you very much.

You know what would make me insanely happy? If I had two days in a row wherein I didn't have to do anything. I'm not saying I wouldn't do anything. I would. I'd work on music or sew or play with my cat or hang out with the boy or whatever. But two days in a row without work or shows or rehearsals or what have you. *sigh* Sounds like a luxury to me. Other people call it "weekends."

So this show I'm in opens tonight. Kind of excited. Kind of nervous. I'm hoping the nervous will turn into energy for the closing number. I feel pretty good about the rest of the show; it's just the closing number that has me a little worried. We just got the song about a week ago (if that) and we learned the choreography on Sunday, so if it's not sparkling, that's why. But we should all be able to sell it anyway. We're actors! That's what we do. But yeah, we open tonight. I love opening night in general. All of our hard work starts to pay off.

Wish us luck! Or broken legs, actually.

My heat works. It was 72 degrees in my apartment when I woke up yesterday. It was 76 degrees in my apartment by the time I left for work this morning. Considering it had been between 62 and 64 degrees in my place on any given morning, may I just take a moment to say that I now have the best 8-14 degrees of heat in my apartment ever? I don't know if you realize how big of a temperature change occurs in those 8-14 degrees, but let me tell you, it's wonderful. I'm happy to be at home now, working on stuff, not just curled up under a blanket. Though I do still like to be curled up under blankets with my cat. There is very little in life that is nicer than that.

So yay heat! Oh, and I'm still trying to get used to the "b" word. Gimmie some time and I'll tell you more about it. Maybe.